Summary

The article discusses the author's personal struggle with being disliked by others and the realization that self-worth should not be contingent on external validation.

Abstract

The author shares a personal experience of feeling disliked by a couple they had befriended, leading to introspection about the need for social validation. Despite the initial hurt, the author concludes that others' opinions do not have to dictate one's emotional well-being. Drawing from the teachings of Marcus Aurelius and the practice of meditation, the article emphasizes the importance of recognizing that feelings are involuntary and that people's judgments are often reflections of their own biases. The author encourages readers to focus on activities that bring personal happiness and to understand that the opinions of others reveal more about them than about oneself.

Opinions

The author believes that seeking genuine appreciation is more valuable than receiving empty gestures of thanks.
They suggest that the fear of being disliked can unnecessarily lower self-worth and the quality of life.
The author posits that people's negative opinions are not deliberate attacks but often a reaction to their own issues.
They advocate for the acceptance of having no control over feelings and the adoption of meditation to manage emotional responses.
The author emphasizes that our self-knowledge is more comprehensive than others' limited perceptions of us.
They encourage readers to prioritize their own happiness by engaging in fulfilling activities and distancing themselves from negative influences.
The author promotes boldness, courage, and striving for personal best as guiding principles.
They recommend Marcus Aurelius's "Meditations" for insights into managing external opinions.
The article concludes with an invitation to join Medium for more content from the author and to subscribe to their newsletter on health and personal development.

Why Most People Hate Me?

For starter I don’t seek social validation

Couple of years back I got acquainted with a couple through a common connection and we started hanging out frequently. After a few meetings, I got a hunch that they don’t like me much and they are tagging me along maybe because of the common connection we both had. Initially, I assumed it’s just my silly instinct.

With time it becomes very evident and my instincts were not a bare observation. So I did some soul searching and found I do not fit the bill of their criteria to be liked.

They may be good people but if they are not acceptable for my being; I think I am better off without the unnecessary passive-aggressive treatment they have given me. I walked away from the needless drama for my own sanity.

Did it hurt ? Of course and sometimes you don’t have the strength even to ask why?

We all need or want outside stimulation and feel the need to be liked by people around us. I am no different. I like when people genuinely appreciate each other’s efforts, not with a mere empty thank you.

Have you ever been in situations where you think, people might not like you or maybe turning their heads around you?

The thing about other people disliking you —

Even if their thoughts have every bit of power over your life even if you are minding your own business on the other side of the planet — is that they feel like real threats.

You intellectually know that these people cannot harm you, no matter what they think of you. Yet strangely, you cannot help but to concern yourself with other people’s thoughts — thereby inflicting real harm by lowering the quality of your life and self-worth.

We find it difficult to consider that the other person might just be reacting to their own immediate vices instead of deliberately plotting to harm us.

Why do other people’s opinions of us hold so much bearing on how we are able to enjoy our lives?

You have no free will.

The most beneficial option is to accept that we are not in control of our feelings, but after the acknowledgment, we can find useful methods to mitigate the harm false threats pose on our emotional wellbeing.

Practicing meditation made me realize that we have no control over our feelings.

A couple of months back, I stumbled across Marcus Aurelius. I was researching meditation and how I can incorporate it into my daily life.

I started reading his book Marcus Aurelius’ s Meditations and honestly, it has very valuable lessons. I have just read a few pages by now. But trying to sync in all the wisdom and knowledge I am gaining through this book.

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”

Meditating made me notice that feelings come and go without conscious decision-making. Letting other people’s judgment of you hurt you is indulging in your own solipsism.

Just like how you have no control over what you think of certain things, these people have no control over what they think or feel either. No one goes, “I deliberately choose to exert my energy to hate this person, I will have no association within five years!”

It is also worth questioning why people’s opinions of us matter.

After all, irrespective of how poorly they judge us, we know ourselves best — while they only have had a short encounter with us. You know your story from birth till the present, while other people may wrongfully extrapolate assumptions about your entire being based on fragments of the puzzle.

Even worse, other people may project their own insecurities, biases, and vices onto you, making their statements reveal more about themselves than it does about you.

If you do things that make yourself happy, you benefit — not them.

You know what makes you happy — immersing yourself in beautiful literature, walking peacefully in nature, spending time with close friends, caring for your family, watching an excellent movie, and doing work that you enjoy.

You can easily cut yourself off from people who make you feel awful and focus on what truly makes you happy.

Let’s try this.

Be Bold

Be Courageous

Be Your Best

Citation: https://readmedium.com/how-to-cope-with-being-disliked-d0f16cf770ea

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