Why Men Fear Sexually Empowered Women

One of the great fears of a male-dominated world

Fear of The Sexually Empowered Woman

Recently, I read a great piece by Yael Wolfe that explored the power of feeling seen. The sexual empowerment that comes with joy of feeling acknowledged whole-heartedly by your lover.

This intimate feeling of compassion and acknowledgement — why is this magical feeling so elusive within our society?

Sexually empowered women are powerful. Generally speaking, they know their self, they know their bodies, and they know what they want.

Unfortunately, that scares the shit out of too many men.

Women aren’t seen because society frequently doesn’t allow them to be seen, despite their inherently high self-worth.

When women take back their power sexual power, why does this upset men so much? So many men feel the need to assert themself when it comes to sexual liberation of women. A woman’s journey in sexual self-exploration is their journey alone, yet so many men feel the need to control that narrative.

And that is exactly the problem.

Men’s need for control — and dominance — often leads to insecurity when women realize how strong they are without them. That the male gaze does not dictate the value of her sexual worth, nor define her. That her body is more than just the physical, but something much greater. A woman that can celebrate her own personal sexual freedoms scares the hell out of men because she cannot be controlled.

For most men, that lack of control is often too much to bear.

The Male Gaze and The Need For Control

A sexually empowered woman is strong in herself, without the approval of a male gaze. Whether it’s she does not bow down to the whims of any man, unless it’s of her own decision. She takes as much joy in her sexual prowess as much as any of her masculine counterparts. Her body does not exist to serve men, but to serve her own desires — whether it concerns them is purely coincidental.

Men will often finds ways to put down these powerful women because their bodies are no longer within their control. They will decry them sluts and whores for their sexual expression yet they desire to manipulate that very expression. The same men that deride sex workers with their male peers,but take joy in their work in their private time. They lust for women’s bodies yet have zero disregard for the emotional thought that goes into such expression.

For too many men, their sexual relationship with women is based on control — more specifically, dominance. When they see a woman, they yearn for her body without regard for her own personal agency. This is objectification at it’s finest. While it’s natural to be be enamored with a woman’s physical form, it shouldn’t be the only thing on your mind. There is more to her than just boobs, hips and a clit. There is also intelligence, goals, passions, and longings. She is personality and passion given form. Yes, the physical exists, but it shouldn’t become purely about physical.

For too many guys, a sexually liberated woman simply means she craves sex which is a self-limiting belief. However, just because a woman has a high sex drive doesn’t mean she desires just random sex with random people. A vast majority of women desire to be seen to by their partners, not used. Far too often sex is less chemistry between to two potential partners and more guys selfishly trying to capture an orgasm.

To feel acknowledged and have her inner desires voiced without ever saying a word.

To look in the eyes of another and know they belong to each other.

Or simply to hold the power of the world in their hand through the power of gaze. Is it really any different from any other guy striking power poses and boasting of the many women he slept with? What makes us, as men, so much more sexually empowered compared to our female counterparts? Why the double standard? We give derogatory names to women that take joy in the same acts that we pursue yet we don’t hold our male peers to the same standard?

Men fear what we cannot control. More frequently, we fear what we lack control over.

The Male Gaze is one-sided — it pleases the user and discounts those that he gave upon. It’s a one-sided relationship based on his personal pleasure.

Sexual Double Standards Against Women

Men feel anger and disgust towards many women in the sex work industry, but is that really fair? Is their profession really so unreasonable when society is already so male-oriented?

When a woman enters the sex industry, she is not less of a woman nor a person. Yes, she profits from the male gaze…but the male gaze profits from her life. Men profit simply from the simple demeaning glances and stares we give women on a constant basis. We mistreat their bodies, take their services for granted, and often make them feel less than what they are.

For most women, living a normal career life is often more difficult compared to their male counterparts. Pay inequalities insure that their sweat equity is not paid equally despite quality work. Not all companies support maternal leave and there is often numerous stigmas surrounding their career choices. If a woman is placed in a morally compromised position, she can choose to stand up for her rights while risking her entire career…or stay silent and endure the quiet trauma that follows.

The traditional workplace is often normalized for men-first, and women-second.

So yeah…when a woman turns to sex work, can you really blame them? In a society that is constantly making their upward mobility as difficult as possible, there exists an option that allows them to prosper and maintain control of their future.

This applies not only to strippers, but cam girls, Onlyfans, female streamers, musicians (*coughs* Cardi B’s “WAP” *cough*) and any other avenue of sexual related work.

Is there an argument that it shows a lack of moral responsibility in using their body for profit? In some ways, yes.

However there is also an extremely valid argument that men are no better in spectating and paying for very line of work. Some would say she isn’t wife material for engaging in that line of work, but what of men that are buyers, users, and abusers of this work? What makes them so much better than her? The only difference is they get rewarded without none of the risk.

Besides, no one is forcing you to pay or use her service. That’s a conscious decision made on his part — that’s his problem, not hers.

Women Are Strong — with or without men

The truth is that the more a woman educates herself about her own body, the more she becomes aware of her own self-worth. That she will do just fine without the approval of men.

Men that are ok with this information are the good ones. The moment you give up control over her, you start to acknowledge her self-worth and her presence.

However, for far too many men, they want to retain that control. It’s not about understanding, but power.

For true chemistry and relationships, we must learn to see each other — without the need to control, but to embrace the sexual power of our partners.