Why Making Much-Needed Changes Is So Hard for Us

Is my writing more important than my health?

I know what I need to do.

Starting with being more active.

I love to write, and I’m getting better and better at it. My latest boosted story, which is about homeless older women, has 4K claps! And the revenue’s looking good.

But will that all go to medical expenses when the costs of chickens sitting all day come home to roost and send me to the ER?

I used to think sitting was benign.

But come to find out, it takes a toll on us. I even wrote about it here recently.

So why is it so hard to be more active and make the other changes I need?

Like drinking more water, which I can do while sitting at the computer. But I get caught up in what I’m writing or editing and forget. To take sips. Of water. That life-sustaining liquid we are all made of. Go figure.

Or eating real meals instead of snacking all day on nuts and dates. Just to save time. But at what cost? I’m still sitting.

Two nights ago, I did a posture stretch class with my favorite online exercise/movement teacher, Miranda Edmond-White, at Essentrics.com.

Miranda tells you why each stretch is important as we do it. “Good posture is essential not only for looks but also for health,” I hear her say in my head. Most of her spiel is emblazoned on my brain.

When we slouch our shoulders forward, which we computer nerds tend to do, it’s hard to get optimal oxygen. And we need that oxygen for our brains and every part of our bodies. In short, for life. This is why our bodies need us to stretch every day.

Her words aren’t lost on me. While stretching, I tell myself I can and should do these daily. Especially this posture one. It’s only fourteen minutes, for Pete’s sake.

But I should do it for my sake, not Pete’s!

However, I finally thought about it last night as I got ready for bed at two am, and I told myself it was too late. I needed to sleep. Which was true. And another area where my knowledge is way ahead of my practice.

So I really do know this stuff.

Why, then, is it so hard to carry out?

It turns out the phrase, easier said than done, is true. And I’ve been underestimating how pernicious old habits are and how challenging changing them is.

I don’t know much about my brain. However, I do know that consistent behaviors create neuropathways in the brain. And each time we do the same thing, that path gets worn some more. Like creating a groove. Think of a car going over a trail—eventually, the trail gets so worn those grooves turn into ruts where the tires tread.

So that when we try to drive out of that rut, the wheels meet resistance from the walls of the groove. Driving up and over them is hard.

And it’s not like there’s a new healthy rut just waiting for us to slide into.

We have to start from scratch with the new habit. It takes a while. Behavioral scientists used to say 21 days. Now they’re saying more like 70! That’s over two months!

It’s hecka hard. Yet many people do succeed in making changes. What do they know that I don’t?

Forbes Magazine had some answers for me.

First of all, I need positive motivation.

Studies show that we do better moving towards a positive goal than moving away from a negative consequence. Yet all day long, my self-talk on this is about what could happen if I don’t move my body and eat my vegetables—heart disease, early death, more constipation, etc.

Instead of thinking about how much better I felt last September when I did Essentrics stretches every day. My back didn’t hurt. I moved easily and was a lot more flexible. My right knee wasn’t sore when I walked like it is now.

So fear, regret, and self-flagellation are worthless for sustaining change.

Gentle encouragement and a positive vision to work towards a much better success rate. Who knew?

All-or-nothing thinking is doomed.

It's too much when we try to make every beneficial change at once. As the saying goes, don’t try to eat the whole elephant in one go. Or bite off more than we can chew.

Even with one goal, it’s easy to assume we can jump from rarely to daily in one fell swoop.

How about some steps along the way?

Small changes, even micro-changes, seem to work better than big ones. Why? ’Cause they’re more doable. And easier.

Right now, I do Essentrics about once a week. What if I upped it to twice a week at first? And once that feels automatic, up it again to three times? Instead of setting myself up for failure with a daily goal?

This doesn’t mean I can’t do it more often. But it does mean I don’t beat myself up when I don’t. That way, I’ll have more wins than losses in my consciousness.

And only one change at a time.

Studies also show it’s much easier to sustain changes over the long haul if we roll them out one at a time. It’s easy to underestimate how much mental as well as physical effort goes into shifting into a new neurological gear.

The more complicated we make it, the harder it becomes. Which sets us up for giving up completely. According to Forbes, “Trying to take on multiple behaviors at once is a surefire way to send all of them into a ditch.”

How about some supportive tools and props?

If we’re changing our eating habits, having nutritional information and healthy food on hand is a no-brainer. But for someone like me, who needs to get up, move, and stretch more often, what about a phone app, or failing that, setting a timer? Duh, right? But I never think of doing that.

Keep in mind the steps involved, both physical and mental.

Making changes is a process. Sometimes, there are mental steps leading up to the physical. We may need more information to motivate ourselves into action. And again, not just the bad stuff that can happen, but the blessings and benefits of making the effort.

We may need to break a physical change into steps as well. Start slowly and build up. Five reps, not fifty. Walk before we run. Add before we subtract, my Jazzercise teacher always said. Add more veggies to our diet, then gradually eliminate those starchy carbs we love so much.

Failure is part of the deal.

Plan for bad days and slip-ups. Because, as they say, caca passa. Stuff happens. Life intervenes as life tends to do. Can we be compassionate towards ourselves when we miss a goal? That way, we just start again instead of quitting altogether like so many do at the first sign of failure.

Where did we ever get the idea that we had to do it perfectly or not at all? If that thought-worm swims in your head, get him out of there as fast as you can. How? Introduce a healthier thought, such as one of my favorites, Slow and steady wins the race.

AA has some great slogans: One day at a time. Easy does it. Do the next right thing. You don’t need to have an issue with alcohol to use their wisdom. Or say the serenity prayer, right?

Commit to yourself.

Research shows that when we don’t make a specific commitment, we tend to quit when the going gets tough. That’s just human nature.

Gulp. This is where the rubber meets the road for me. I’m a commitment-phobe when it comes to myself. I’ll edit for Middle-Pause, volunteer at my church, and talk to my friend every night. But when it comes to me, well…

I wonder why that is? Don’t I matter as much as my friends and our organizations? I’ll have to sit with that one.

In the meantime, I need to get up and move around. Ciao for now.

Marilyn Flower’s a sacred fool who writes every day — fiction, poetry, and blogs — inspired by a process called SoulCollage®. She’s the author of Creative Blogging and Bucket Listers: Get Your Brave On. Follow her Sacred Foolishness or SoulCollage® for Writers, and Stay in touch!