Why Listening to Other People’s Advice Can Hurt Your Future

A lesson from Will Smith.

For most of our life decisions, we pause and ask for advice. When deciding what to take in college, we seek the guidance of career counselors. When starting a business, we may seek the help of business advisors.

As I reflect on this topic, I realize that the advice of others heavily influenced a lot of the decisions that led to where I am now. My mother is one of those influencers. My choice on what Degree to finish, where to live, and what car to purchase, were all influenced by her opinions.

I did not understand the power of receiving advice until I stumbled upon Will Smith’s memoir, ‘Will.’ He gave me a new perspective on the idea of advice that allowed me to finally take the power of my decisions back from others.

He explains the truth on what advice really is:

“Advice at its best is one person’s limited perspective of the infinite possibilities before you. People’s advice is based on their fears, their experiences, their prejudices, and at the end of the day, their advice is just that: it’s theirs, not yours.”

As Oprah calls it, ‘I just had an aha moment.’

Experience

As a new mom, I was often bombarded with unsolicited advice. As kind as their intentions may have been, the amount of information being passed on was overwhelming.

The common thread in all of their advice was that it came from their experience. That is why on more than one occasion I would receive conflicting advice from one mom to another.

One mom suggests a changing table was useless because she would change her baby on the go, wherever she was in the house. While another mom swore by it as an absolute necessity.

This reiterates what Will Smith said about advice. It is limited to people’s own experiences. So why do we follow other people’s advice when we can’t be certain we will have the same experiences as them?

Predictability

The advice people give is based on a pattern of events that allows them to draw a predictable conclusion. For example, parents often advise their children to go to college because they think that is the way to a successful future. That’s all they know based on a pattern they’ve witnessed.

While I am a believer in college, I don’t think it is necessary for everyone. I dive more into this in an article I wrote, ‘In a world filled with content creators, should you still send your children to college?’

How does anyone know exactly what the future will look like? Especially your own? And yet we rely so heavily on the advice of others for the decisions that will impact our future.

Validation

The reason we are so comfortable with following the advice of others is because we seek validation.

When we are seeking advice, we want an outcome that will result in the least amount of failure. So we go to those we think have more credibility than us, and those with more experience.

In the midst of listening to other people’s advice, they start to influence our decision and we tend to lose our own opinions on the matter.

We seek validation because we don’t trust ourselves and our decisions.

Lesson

There are situations where asking for help is important. After all, we don’t have the answer to everything. We can learn from the experience of others so we don’t make the same mistakes.

The danger comes when we allow someone’s advice to overshadow our truth. Relying on advice can make us indecisive and unsure of ourselves. It can block our own judgment and intuition.

Understanding that advice is solely based on that person’s experience can free you from believing in its certainty. Will Smith reminds us to trust ourselves and empowers us to listen to our truth.

“While yes, it is true that we are all subject to a series of universal laws, patterns, tides, and currents — all of which are somewhat predictable — you are the first time you’ve ever happened. YOU and NOW are a unique occurrence, of which you are the most reliable measure of all the possibilities.”

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