Relationships | Psychology
Why Knowing Someone’s Pet Peeves is Very Important as You Start to Date
A person’s pet peeves reveal their values and character.
Pet peeves reveal a lot about a person’s character and what values are important to them. It is important to discuss pet peeves early when dating so that you do not upset one another. It is also important to pick up on cues from the person you are dating both verbally and non-verbally of what might be acceptable to them. For example, someone who chews with their mouth open and eats with their elbow on the table clearly does not have many food related pet peeves, but if you do that might be an issue long term for the success of the relationship.
Some pet peeves are minor, and some are major deal breakers.
For me personally I have two lists.
My Minor Dealbreakers
- People having their elbow on the table during a meal while food is on the table.
- Texting or being on the phone during a meal.
- Being interrupted while I am speaking.
- Being rude to a waiter or waitress.
- Being entitled.
- Burping without saying excuse me.
- People who say one thing but do another.
- Being late. Being late is disrespecting someone’s time. If you have to be late at least call.
My Major Dealbreakers
- Talking with food in your mouth.
- Walking a child on a leash.
- Speaking badly about others/ gossiping.
- Littering.
- Lying, manipulation, abuse of any kind.
- Anyone who uses your insecurity to hurt you.
- Someone who has to have the last word and be right.
- Anyone who is closed minded in conversation and refuses to see other perspectives.
Wow, that was cathartic lol. I did not realize I even had so many. I probably have more, but I do not tend to over think. Instead, I flow with what comes easily to my mind in the moment.
I consider myself a very laid-back accepting person. Even as an easygoing person, the dating world is hard — especially in my mid to late forties. None of us are perfect, goodness knows I am far from it. However, compatibility is what is most important. I believe knowing and understanding each other’s pet peeves goes a long way to understanding whether you can withstand a successful relationship.
A foundation for a successful relationship must contain several elements including:
Shared values and vision
Trust
Honesty and transparency
Laughter and playfulness
Intimacy emotionally and physically
Respect
I believe underneath the masks we all wear, men and women all want the same things in a relationship. We all want to be valued, appreciated, respected, heard and understood, loved, and to feel safe and secure with our partner. It really should not be that hard, but our subconscious mind make it hard through self-sabotaging techniques as we try to protect ourselves from false fears.
Get to know the person you are dating. Ask what their pet peeves are before resentment builds. Go deeper and ask about their values and vision in life. Explore whether you really share those values and visions. Evaluate the compatibility and see how solid the foundation you are trying to build upon is.
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And I am including one more short story on the importance of words again because it relates so well to relationships.