Why It's Okay Not To Have New Year Resolutions

Give yourself a break and let them emerge.

Late in the morning on January 1st, I slowly ate an almond croissant and sipped a cup of coffee. Given this is something I rarely do, it felt luxuriously decadent.

Then, I started cleaning the house. So did my wife. After an hour of dusting (something I never do), vacuuming, and decluttering, we took a break and talked about this spontaneous urge to clean.

What's this all about? Maybe we're shifting the old energy, making way for the new? That's the way it felt. It wasn't something I thought about or planned to do — it emerged from somewhere and peaked its head up. Made itself known. I went with the flow, and it felt really good.

We kept at it for another hour and then took a long walk in the woods, discussing the New Year and what we'd like to have happen.

Nothing, in particular, showed up for me. I thought about some of the recent articles I'd been reading — someone's going to start meditating more, someone will focus on what's in front of them, another person will launch an online business.

The next day I thought about a technique frequently used in the coaching industry. It's called stop, start, continue. What would I like to stop doing? Start doing? And, what's working that I'd like to continue? Simple, basic, and practical.

Sometimes simple, basic and practical are all you need.

But I'm not going to use this yet, because later that evening, I said to my wife I'm not making any resolutions, goals, or intentions right now. Nothing.

I’ve decided to give myself some time to breathe and allow 2021 to drift into the rear mirror. It was a full-on year, and a lot happened. My brain needs to rest. It's been working hard.

Instead, I will open my heart and mind to the great unknown and let things emerge. Trust the creative process.

I did this last year, and it worked beautifully. No hard resolutions. But I planted some thought seeds in January. Some grew into a book that I expect will be published in a few months. Others manifested in unforeseen coaching and business opportunities.

These were my thought seeds for the year:

• I’ll do meaningful, enjoyable work of service to others.
• I’ll engage with nice people and co-create a community of well-intentioned people around me.
• Abundance flows to me. I have everything I need. There is no need to struggle.

As I drifted off to sleep, I thought, I like how this feels—no pressure to come up with anything.

I trust if and when it's time to switch gears, I'll know.

The next day I read this quote by Alan Watts,

“Stop measuring days by degree of productivity and start experiencing them by degree of presence.”

It resonated with me because I often measure myself by what I do. How many articles did I write last year? How many did I write this week? How many did so and so write? How much did I earn last year? I wonder how much so and so made?

All this measuring reminded me of a friend who recently told me about her deceased father. Just before he died, she asked him if he had any regrets.

He said, "I wish I had spent less time on the damn exercise bike."

I thought that was interesting, and sad too. He had his exercise bike — something he believed would make him healthier and happier. It turns out it didn't matter as much as he thought.

What's my exercise bike? What do I think is so important that I give up paying attention to what is important?

My takeaway from her father's comment is:

If I ignore the health of my being, my inner self, it doesn't matter how much money I stash away or how much I run, walk, or exercise. I'll miss the boat and wind up saying I spent too much time on my exercise bike.

When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain.

From this, I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it. — Rumi

Think about the pressure we put on ourselves. For some of us, it can be unbearable — the drive to succeed, to accomplish. We make ourselves crazy in the pursuit of happiness.

But lasting happiness is an inside game.

Happiness doesn't care how you look or what you have.

Happiness comes from loving yourself.

Happiness results from making peace with your demons.

Happiness happens when you relax into being you.

Happiness comes when you stop forcing things to happen and accept what is happening.

So, if you aren't feeling the New Year's resolution thing, you're not alone.

Give yourself some time to heal up and recover from last year. Maybe do some cleaning and allow your intentions to reveal themselves.

Chances are, they'll show up at just the right time.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like, Wisdom Begins When You Ask This One Question

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