Why Don’t We Take Male Trauma Seriously?

Critics have panned Welcome To Marwen, perhaps because we don’t care enough about men's grief.

Spoiler alert: last night I saw the movie Welcome to Marwen, and I have lots of thoughts about it. First of all, I loved the movie starring Steve Carell aka The Silver Fox. I’m a longtime fan of The Office, but ever since Carell did Dan In Real Life, I’ve enjoyed his ability to portray interesting and awkward men.

Welcome to Marwen is a creative and offbeat retelling of artist Mark Hogancamp’s story of survival after he was brutally assaulted outside a Kingston, NY bar.

The film is smart in that it doesn’t focus so much on the attack itself, but on Mark’s trauma and his use of art to heal. Throughout the film, the big question on my mind was why he wasn’t in therapy. All that was shown in the movie was a Russian PCA who dropped by monthly.

After seeing the film with a friend last night, I read more about Mark’s real-life story. This article explained that his insurance eventually ran out and he couldn’t afford to stick with his therapy. When that happened, Mark became angry. He felt evicted from the world.

That loneliness, anger, and isolation is what led him to create Marwen. Marwen is a fictional doll town where Mark acted out stories and took stunning photos of his creations. He basically created his own form of therapy.

The most shocking thing to me about Welcome to Marwen is the way so many critics have quickly panned the film and written it off as the "worst movie of the year." I watched the film thinking it was special and unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. But even more than that, I came away with the feeling that this is a story that needs to be told.

We need to see more stories about men’s trauma.

I know I’ve watched countless movies which touch upon female trauma survivors, but I’m racking my brain to think of many movies where men are allowed to clearly suffer from PTSD.

For me, Welcome to Marwen is a welcome change in the theaters, and a real opportunity to talk about toxic masculinity.

Mark is a victim and survivor of some of the worst toxic masculinity out there. The kind that seeks to destroy anything different. There have been a lot of rumors about the artist and what he did to “bring on the attack,” which is, of course, not any different from discussing a female rape survivor and what she "did wrong to cause" her assault.

Women aren't asking to be raped, and Mark Hogancamp didn't ask to be beaten up.

The truth is that Mark was drunk and told five guys in a bar that he sometimes liked to wear women’s shoes and stockings at home. He wasn’t wearing either at the time, but even if he had, it wouldn’t have mattered. He didn’t deserve the attack. It wasn’t his fault.

Toxic masculinity begs to differ. There is a dangerous hatred that follows and tries desperately to stomp out anything different. Anything remotely “less manly.” I’ve written before that toxic masculinity doesn’t just hurt women, and this is what I mean. Men can easily bear the scars and become the subject of its attacks.

I can’t help but wonder if the reason so many critics are basically responding to the film with what the fuck reviews points to this deeper problem in our society. In a place where toxic masculinity still thrives, male trauma simply isn’t bankable.

It’s true — there are definite cringe-worthy moments in the movie and I can see where some critics might write those moments off as weird or even creepy. As a female, it would be easy for me to look at some of Mark's behavior with the dolls of Marwen and see it as something inappropriate. But I am an advocate for trauma survivors. I am an advocate for those suffering from loneliness, depression, and other mental illness.

It would be pretty damn hypocritical of me if I couldn’t drop the judgment and look at the bigger picture for this man just like I’m inclined to do for women.

Our society makes it very difficult for men to expose their pain and emotional vulnerability. It’s one of the worst things about toxic masculinity. People tend to get uncomfortable when a man cries or expresses himself “too much.”

As a female writer, I have a lot to say about gender issues and the ways toxic masculinity hurts women. But I find it equally important to point out when our culture needlessly lets men suffer too. And I think that Welcome to Marwen deftly portrays this inequality. Personally, I have very little doubt that if the story was about a female survivor of sexual assault, the reviews would read much differently.

Sure, some would mock the premise. We know that women aren't often believed in real life. But all in all, putting a woman’s pain up on the big screen has been wildly bankable in a way it simply hasn’t been for men. We’re more likely to approve the pain of an unapologetically manly male who lost his wife or child. We’re more than happy to see that kind of character take revenge and vanquish his enemies.

But a man who loves women’s shoes and works out his trauma not through retaliation and vengeance, but through art… with dolls?

We don’t take male trauma seriously enough to accept that this is a valid portrayal of pain.

Art heals. I really believe that. I’ve got an unfinished novel on my laptop that deals with male trauma and also art therapy. Yet this is the first time I ever really understood, what an uphill battle it is to allow wounded men to show big feelings, and process it all through art.

I'm often saying that we women need good men as our allies. We need men who will listen to our stories of assault and survival. But guess what? Welcome to Marwen is a visually stunning reminder that it runs both ways. We women need to be allies to men's trauma too. Perhaps movie critics aren't yet willing to sit and listen when men cry out and express themselves. But I'm hoping the film will help more viewers watch and listen with an open mind.