Why Is Waiting So Damn Hard?

It can seem as if we spend our whole lives waiting, waiting, waiting

I’m a Baby Boomer and like most Boomers, I have spent my life, waiting. Every class I took in school was packed with 50 to 60 other kids. We all stood in line and waited for our turn to do just about anything. It’s no surprise that I hate to wait.

You don’t have to be a Boomer to find waiting burdensome or downright hateful. Most of us do, yet more often than not. we find ourselves waiting — stuck between knowing and not knowing. And it usually sucks.

According to Albert Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity. time is relative. The speed with which it passes depends on our frame of reference. So, if we’re engrossed in a good book or movie, time flies. If the book or movie is boring, time slows down — for us, not necessarily for other readers or moviegoers.

What happens when we’re waiting for a medical diagnosis, a message from a loved one in a war-ravaged country, or a child who hasn’t made it home by curfew? Waiting becomes excruciating when the possible outcome has overwhelming significance for us.

“Regardless of the specifics, waiting carries with it a host of difficult feelings such as uncertainty, anxiety, worry, and impatience. Waiting for possible good news or bad news can feel draining and exhausting, as we sit in the space of not knowing.” — Leah Katz Ph.D., Psychology Today

Not knowing is a powerless, perilous place

“We sail within a vast sphere, ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end.” Pascal

Research shows that as uncertainty increases, the brain shifts control to the limbic system from which anxiety and fear are generated. Travis Bradberry writes in Inc., “The limbic system responds to uncertainty with a knee-jerk fear reaction, and fear inhibits good decision-making.”

We stand blindfolded at the edge of a precipice, powerless and unable to act without knowing the outcome. Visions of dire consequences play across our imaginations, ramping up our stress, worry, and anxiety. We crave certainty; having to wait for it can be crushingly painful.

So, what can we do about it?

Experts recommend these methods of making waiting more bearable.

1. Try present-moment mindfulness. “In the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, research funded by the National Science Foundation asserts that mindfulness is a sort of antidote to the ‘curse’ of waiting….We know that meditation is a great way to reduce everyday stress, but our study is the first to see if it also makes it easier to wait for personally significant news. This study is also one of the first to identify any strategy that helps people wait better, and it also shows that even brief and infrequent meditation can be helpful.’” — Science Daily
2. Maintain daily routines. Routines offer a refuge from the interminable anxiety of waiting. They focus us on things we can control and distract us from the endless loop of dire outcomes. Because they are familiar and predictable, they cover us with a blanket of comfort and safety.
3. Stop checking for results. “Constant checking is draining, and when we fall into habitual checking, it becomes a vicious cycle of checking, disappointment, and more checking, as every time we check holds the promise of some news. Check your email on a schedule. Set boundaries around where you check. One idea might be to only check your email on your computer, not your phone. Setting such a limit can be a helpful fence in limiting the number of times you check.” — Leah Katz Ph.D., Psychology Today

We’ll never have a time when we aren’t waiting for something or someone. We wait for things big and small — a table at a restaurant, an important phone call or email, a diagnosis or prognosis, college acceptance or a new job, and the list goes on and on.

Perhaps the solution is to stop resisting not knowing and accept it as something natural. It can be a time of introspection that lets us review where our lives have been and where we want to go. We can practice the skill of patience and be willing to embrace and handle the outcome whatever it may be with peace and equanimity.

Is this easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes.

“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. Patience is not simply the ability to wait — it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.” — Joseph Campbell

This was written by human intelligence, Patricia,

©2023 Patricia Haddock. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use is prohibited. Patricia

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