Psychology | Culture | Self

Why Is It That Nobody Tells the Truth Anymore

Most people lie to save their own skin but this is why I lie.

As a child, lying was forbidden in my family. We were taught never to tell lies, and to always tell the truth no matter the consequences.

Even a lie as insignificant as dipping your fingers in the sugar jar attracted serious consequences from my parents. We were warned that children who tell lies go to hell and those who tell the truth go to heaven.

One day, my mum promised she would buy me a toy set of Disney barbie and a kitchen I saw in a cartoon (I have forgotten the name of the cartoon) if I came first.

I wanted that gift so badly. I studied really hard and made sure I never missed any assignments. Luckily, I came third in my class. I was so happy as I danced my way back home. I was sure I was going to get what was promised.

My mum was thrilled with my improvement in my academics. She told me she would buy the Barbie and kitchen the next time she goes to the market. But she never did, till this day. With time, I started to spot more lies from my parents. Some of which you might be familiar with.

• Orange will grow on your head if you swallow the seed.
• Don’t draw lines on sand or else a snake will flow the lines to find you and bite you.
• If you lie a 666 mark will appear on your forehead. Meaning the devil will claim your soul.
• If you don’t pass your exams, wili wili will eat you in your sleep. Wili wili was a ghost in a movie that used to scare children then.
• If you don’t eat your food, God will send thunder to strike you.

Although some of the lies we were told helped inspire good morals in us, however, it doesn’t justify the fears we suffered from these lies.

When I became an adult and started dating, watching political campaigns, and following prominent leaders, I began to realize why our parents got furious whenever we lied.

Lying signifies a lack of integrity

We don’t trust liars. Politicians are synonymous with telling lies and deceiving people. Lying has become second nature to political leaders and politicians. People only hear what they want to hear and politicians only say what the people want to hear to gain their support and vote.

It’s a virtue to find politicians who always told the truth. President George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are renowned American leaders worshiped because of their sincerity to the people.

Honestly is a virtue we seek before we trust somebody. This is why our parents were strict about instilling honesty in us.

Unfortunately, just like politicians, we all tell lies. And sometimes, even when you tell the truth, people immediately assume you are lying.

I told my ex’s mum that I would come to pick her up for her check-up, but she didn’t believe me. Granted, I broke up with her son under unfair circumstances. She thought I was the best person for her son. She always treated me as her daughter-in-law and I shattered that dream for her. Her son (my ex) hasn’t spoken to me since the breakup, but I still kept in touch with his mum.

I have grown a motherly bond with the 68-year-old woman. When she told me she had a doctor’s appointment at 2 pm that day about her bone infection, I wanted to be there for her. So I told her I’ll come and pick her up. That we will visit the doctor together. But she thought I was lying until she saw me pull over right in front of her patio.

On many occasions, I’ve argued with my friends when I told them I was home all weekend. They don’t believe me. Because these days for a single weekends are for parties and hangouts.

I am always defending my skin color. Some people think I bleached my skin. I have to show them my childhood photo (literally) before they believe me. This is how much we’ve grown accustomed to lies.

Should you tell the truth even if it hurts someone?

People lie for different reasons. Some will lie to protect you and others will lie for selfish reasons. If you asked your next door neighbor how you look, I’m sure their response will be affirmative.

No one will tell you the outfit you’re donning makes you look like a bag of bones. Or that the makeup you took hours on turned your face into an owl. They know the truth will hurt you, so they simply say “you look ravishing” because that is what you want to hear after all.

You know when someone dies and everyone gives a speech about their good deeds. The person might have been a thief, a rapist, or a terror to the community. But at his funeral, people lie and praise him and you wonder if this was the same guy everyone was afraid of.

Some relationships can make you miserable. You want to get out, but you don’t know how to say it. Maybe your partner terrifies you. They threatened your life and that of your loved ones so you don’t break up with them.

Then one day, you got home feeling rejected, then he/she asks what is wrong with you, you say “nothing, you are fine,” but all you should have said was how depressing it is coming back home and to see his/her face. Instead, you lie to protect yourself, so they don’t hurt you. Maybe you lied so you don’t hurt them.

If you must lie, make it count

No doubt we all lie at some point. When I lie, it could be a lie that protects someone. I try as much as I can to tell the truth, even when it hurts. Although this has caused me to lose some friendships.

Just recently, I bought fake hair online. The hair was described as a natural dreadlock. It turned out to be fake. It looked like animal hair and had thick synthetic hair mixed in it. I asked the seller for a refund but I couldn’t return the hair because it would have cost more than the price I bought it if I were to ship it back from the US.

The seller agreed to give me a full refund if I left a positive review on the product first. That would mean deceiving people to buy fake hair they probably won’t use just like I threw mine in the trash.

I told the seller I won’t do such a thing but if she refunded me, I promise not to leave a negative review on her store. She agreed after long negotiations. I kinda threatened her that I will leave the worst review that will ruin the reputation of her store.

She gave me a refund eventually. I suppose she figured she had more to lose. And as promised, I left her all 5 stars in the review. But I did no convincing that will give other buyers hope that they are buying genuine hair.

Before I tell a lie, I do ask myself “what good will that do?”

When I lie I keep a few things in mind, the lie must be to advance my career, to protect myself, enhance my image, or to gain influence. Then there are times I lie to protect someone’s privacy. If they asked me to keep a secret, I keep that promise because it’s not my secret to tell.

While there are minor lies that can protect a bond, I am more successful in protecting a relationship by telling the truth, no matter how risky and scary it may seem. I do believe a relationship built on lies isn’t worth keeping.

We live in an era where telling the truth comes with risks. It takes courage to tell the truth not only from you but from the other person who is willing and able to truly listen and hear what you say.

But when you know who you are and what matters to you, then you’ve reached an unshakable place of freedom and you no longer hold yourself accountable for how others react to your truth.

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