Why Is It So Awkward To Talk Openly About Money?

Ask me anything you want to know about my financial life, and I will answer you.

In my perfect world, everyone would walk with the amount of money they have in their bank accounts on the top of their heads. I don’t want access to this information to shame or judge anyone, but money is still taboo for most people, and they don’t like to talk about it. Maybe they have too much or too little, who knows.

I know that I have always been curious about how people live, and because money is an essential aspect of our lives, I want to know how people make money, how people save money, how people invest money and how people spend money. I want to know it all.

Reggie Nelson was as curious as me, probably a bit more, because he decided to knock on the doors of the wealthiest people living in London a few years ago. This helped him to get an internship, and today he works in finance. He basically did what most of us want to do: ask the riches how they make money. You can learn more about his story here.

In my life, I am trying to be more and more open around money. I don’t want to have money as a taboo any more (although I don’t have much control over other people, and we can’t make money a non-taboo alone). And because of that, I believe that talking more about money will make talking about money less awkward. So here are some of the tips to speak openly about money with:

Your Parents

After I lost my job in October/2019, I got upset with my parents for not offering me any money at the time. I wanted them to help me, and I thought they should help me. Today, two years later, I know that they don’t have any obligation in helping me and that I need to take full responsibility for my financial life. I don’t expect them to give me money any more. They help how they can and if they want. I also talk to them about my savings goals and how hard my financial life has been. They know I haven’t been able to afford many things lately. I keep it real.

The most important piece of advice here is not to assume.

Your Partner

I talk about money with my partner almost every day. He knows everything about my financial life, and I know everything about his financial life. We communicate about everything, from bills to travelling budget and saving goals. We had some problems initially, and instead of avoiding them, I made sure we talked about them. We come from totally different backgrounds (I am Brazilian, and my partner is British), but the money issues are universal.

The most important piece of advice here is honesty. Be as honest as you can. (The same thing applies when you are dating or going on dates with someone new.)

Your Work Colleagues

I can’t say I have made improvements. I know that my father worked for years with a woman doing the same job as his, and his salary was higher. I never asked him how she knew about his salary (I actually need to ask him about it), what I know is that I would love to know my work colleagues salaries and I don’t. And that’s not on me, but we definitely require more transparency. In addition, if one of my work colleagues came to ask me how much I make, I would tell them. But this is because I choose to be like that. I confess that I don’t have the guts to ask a colleague how much they make.

The most important piece of advice here is to keep things professional and not make a fuss about it (even if you think their salary is too high, and they don’t deserve it or it’s too low, and they deserve more).

Your Boss

Another point that I can’t say I have made improvements. I never in my life had a salary review or asked for a raise; I never got to this point in my life. I hope one day I can. I can’t give any advice here.

Your Friends

I try the best I can to keep it real with my friends, but I also don’t ask about their salaries. Lately, I haven’t been close to any of my friends, so money never really comes up as a subject when we talk. But I remember a friend asking how I could afford to travel so much (I went travelling a lot in 2019), and I just told the truth that travelling at the time was affordable in the UK, and with my salary, I could travel more than once. I have a lot of intimacy with one friend, and she tells me how much she makes. I don’t even need to ask, but this is her option.

The most important piece of advice here is to respect your friends, by telling them the truth when they ask you stuff and giving them the freedom to talk or not talk about money.

Your Family

Family dynamics are very complicated by themselves, and money just makes the whole thing even juicier. I remember one aunt telling me that I was the poorest person in the family (I still don’t know why she said that to me. At the time, I wasn’t as confident as today, and I just remember being quiet, but more than six years later, it still bothers me). Another aunt told me that talking about salaries and asking other people how much they made were two bad things to do. So I could never ask my cousins how much they made.

I want my kids to be open about money, and I want to be able to give them the same opportunities to make money. I will keep it real, and I will tell how the world works and that, unfortunately, some people make more money than others. I will never call them poor or rich, and I will incentivise them to talk as much as they want about money, including asking awkward questions.

The most important piece of advice here is to do better with your family. It’s to evolve and learn from your family’s mistakes.