Why Is It Easier To Insult Someone Than To Compliment Them?

People need to learn to tame their egos…

Have you ever stopped to think about why handing out insults always feels more comfortable than giving away compliments?

The same thing happens in reverse as well!

For some reason, we feel much more at ease when receiving an insult than a compliment too!

If someone says, “The best part of you ran down your mom’s leg” you’d go on with your day as if nothing happened.

But if they said, “I really like your shoes!” Immediately, you’d be thinking “Wait, is there something wrong with my shoes? Fuck, what’s wrong with my shoes?!”

Why is that?

For one, it may be that you’re just insecure about your looks and the way you’re dressed (if that’s the case, you might wanna get a therapist and have that sorted out).

But a more logical reason might be down to the fact we don’t receive compliments all that often.

It would make sense since the less exposed we are to something, the less accustomed we’ll be to it.

You can’t expect a toddler to catch a ball the very first time you throw one at his face.

But there’s an issue with this theory…

Firstly, we aren’t toddlers.

And secondly, it’s not the first time we’ve encountered “a ball”.

If you think back to the past, you can probably recount many times you’ve been complimented at.

When we were little, our teachers complimented us all the time, our parents did it as well (for some more than others), and even in the workplace, it’s not uncommon for good managers and bosses to compliment their staff for doing well at their job.

So why does it feel weird to receive compliments from strangers and sometimes even friends but just not the people I mentioned above?

The answer: Authority.

Let me explain…

As you can probably guess, the people I mentioned above all have one thing in common, that is — they all have authority over us.

We’ve listened to our parents ever since we were born, our teachers provided us with useful knowledge so it’s only natural to listen to them, and our bosses…well, I’m sure you already know what’ll happen if you don’t do what they say…

Point is, ever since we were born, we were conditioned to seek validation from people in positions of authority and respect everything they say.

If your boss tells you you’re doing a great job, you aren’t going to think “Wait, am I really doing a good job?”

No! You’re gonna appreciate the compliment and feel good about yourself!

The same thing goes with receiving a compliment from your parent or teacher.

Even if they were only empty compliments designed to make you feel better, your brain will still go along with it and release a rush of dopamine!

So how can take advantage of this fact and use it to compliment people without freaking them out?

And how should we receive compliments from strangers even if we don’t feel like we deserve it?

Let’s go through each one.

Applying the theory

Ok, so in order to compliment someone, we have to create the illusion of authority.

Now, that doesn’t mean you should start bossing people about and coming off as a dickhead.

No.

Instead, what you want to do is compliment people in a way that seems sincere rather than coming off as cheap.

Here’s a good way to do this:

Whenever you are having a conversation with someone, listen out for when the other person is telling you a story of a recent accomplishment or bragging about something they did.

Rather than just saying “That’s cool!” or “Nice!” or simply nodding your head for no apparent reason, try giving them a compliment right there and then!

Include words like:

• You did a good job!
• Well done!
• Sounds like you did great!
• I’m proud of you!
• That’s incredible!
• You should be proud!
• That’s clever!

It might sound cringy, but these are words and phrases used by teachers and parents all the time, so when you use them to compliment someone, it’ll trigger the part in their subconscious mind that reminds them of authority.

How you deliver the compliment is also really important as well.

You don’t want to say it in a flat, monotone voice.

Give it some oomph (but not too much; you don’t wanna make it seem forced), be encouraging and genuine, and end it with a downward vocal inflection.

TIP: Imagine saying the compliment with an exclamation mark as opposed to a full stop or a question mark.

If you try and be specific with your compliment, that’ll work a lot better too.

“That’s clever!” — eh

“That’s clever! I know I think fast but I would’ve never been able to come up with that idea that quickly myself!” — much better

Another tip is to squint your brows a little while smiling to give the impression of sincerity.

After you get comfortable complimenting others and you get the vocal inflections and tonality down, you should be able to compliment people out of the blue just being like “By the way, that’s a really lovely dress, it matches your earings super well!” or “Sorry but I just have to say, those trainers look fresh as fuck!”.

And then right after the compliment, if they don’t immediately respond, just go back to the original conversation with “Anyways, what were you saying before?”

This way, you can avoid any awkward silences and continue on as if nothing happened!

Easy right?

Ok, so let’s now talk about how to receive compliments.

This is easier than you think…

I don’t understand why people get so paranoid all the time.

Just because someone chooses to be nice, it doesn’t mean they’ll necessarily want something from you in return!

Receiving compliments is supposed to be simple, but everyone seems to overcomplicate it in their heads.

The best way to react when someone gives you a compliment is just to act as if you deserve it wholeheartedly!

Whether you believe it or not is irrelevant, so long as you act with poise.

If the person giving the compliment sees that you’re unsure about it, they’re gonna feel awkward for complimenting you and it’s gonna carry through in the conversation.

If someone says “I love your hair!” and then you go “Thanks?”, they’ll immediately start questioning it — “Wait, does he think I’m being sarcastic? He did get a new haircut last week right, or am I just being dumb?”

All you have to say when someone gives you a compliment is “Thanks!” or “Aww, thank you!” and then either give them a compliment back or just carry on with the conversation.

Act as if you genuinely appreciate their comment.

Sometimes, I even play around with it by exaggerating as if I was being super humble.

I’d say things like:

• “Aww, stop it! You’re too kind!”
• “Aww, you really think so? That’s so cute!”
• “Oh my god, you just made my day.” — (whilst acting like I’m about to cry)

Make it obvious that you’re just pretending and go over the top with it and it’ll get a laugh out of them almost every time!

Honestly, if you go give these tips a shot, I can guarantee you’ll have a lot less awkward social experiences in the future.

Heck, you might even end up becoming happy for once!

I mean, being depressed and nihilistic and listening to sad music can feel comforting no doubt, but sometimes, it’s nice to just be positive and bring out the good vibes in people!

Anyways, I hope you liked this article and found it an interesting read!

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