Why is it difficult to reinvent oneself?

Inspired by a true story

Being an unemployed engineer, fighting against the prevalent norm of mediocrity, always pushing myself for ‘doing more’ and above all, trying to preserve my sanity amidst this chaos, I think I’m entitled to give my two cents on what does it take to reinvent oneself.

Speaking from my personal experience, it’s a herculean task and there is a high possibility that you’ll be left behind with nothing but failure and disappointment. However, if you get succeeded in this venture of re-configuring yourself, you’ll be remembered forever as ‘reinventing oneself’ is not for everyone.

Let me explain!

In 2017, I graduated from a well-known engineering school but instead of continuing the engineering profession, I made a bold move and opted for an alternative career path.

Naturally, I had to face a lot of criticism and even today, people are still skeptical about it. The thing was, I didn’t have any passion for engineering. Yes, I spent four years of my life doing something, I wasn’t passionate about, because I didn’t have a better alternative.

I could’ve dropped out of the university but as Kevin Hart once said, ‘Nothing good comes out of quitting’, so I didn’t want to see in the mirror and think of myself as a quitter. Moreover, I didn’t have a calling. Even if I had quit, I didn’t have an alternative plan. Thus, quitting engineering would be a disaster.

Nonetheless, after doing engineering, I finally made the move. I thought, ‘That’s it. Now is the perfect time to make a shift.’ Thus, I took the decision of starting from scratch. While my friends were looking for jobs, I was trying to re-configure myself. While they were moving ahead, I was trying to get a better understanding of my own personality.

At first, it felt like a long shot. Months went by, but I was still confused. I still didn’t have a calling. I wanted to do something, but I wasn’t sure about what I really wanted to do. Hence, I tried a couple of career paths, but nothing made sense to me.

Moreover, my friends and my batch-mates were getting far away; almost all of them had found jobs and most of them were growing by leaps and bounds. To be honest, it didn’t feel great. Given my competitive nature, I felt being left behind.

I don’t want to sound like some self-pretentious winner, but I’m a competitor. If I’m doing something, I’m not doing it for the sake of participation, rather I’m participating in it to win it. Because anything other than winning doesn’t fascinate me.

I have spent most part of my life, idolizing all these great competitors such as Rafael Nadal, Eden Hazard, Steph Curry, and many others, and it is quite natural that I have always tried to be like them; the best.

I could’ve just opted for an easy way. I could’ve just said, ‘Okay! I’m an engineer. Passion or no passion, let’s just stick to what I have studied. Let’s just settle down.’ I could’ve found a job. Most probably not a great one, but I would’ve some form of employment. But I didn’t want to just settle down. I wanted to make a difference. Mediocrity wasn’t an option. It still isn’t.

One might argue that,unlike me, not all of the fresh graduates have the privilege and freedom to indulge in such an experiment. Well, I can’t be more thankful for all the support and help, I have received from my family and I can’t deny that most graduates don’t have the luxury to just ‘mess around’. But it is not only about privilege, there is a number of other variables, which play quite a significant part in such pursuits.

Furthermore, even being a privileged dude, I had to make sacrifices. I had to see myself falling even far behind my competitors. I had to absorb all these failures and had to learn how to navigate through difficult times. And even with all the support, there were a number of moments, when I felt alone. Because in the end, it's your fight and you have to fight it only by yourself.

(I have left a lot of details, and I have done it intentionally. I don’t want to bore your guys by talking about all the exams, I appeared in or the jobs, I tried. Actually, I’m leaving all these details for a better time.)

Thankfully, years of struggle finally brought me closer to my passion; I finally had a calling. But as I was just inches away from my destiny, I had to face another setback. As Dr. Dre once said, “Reinventing yourself is one of the most difficult things you can possibly do.” He was right, it was indeed quite difficult.

People, who were skeptical about my ambitions from the very beginning, thought that I would finally give up. And to be honest, I actually did. Fortunately, not for long. I thought, “Although I have failed, yet I am close enough. It is just a matter of few more inches. What if I give it another try?”

So, I tried again. In fact, I am still trying. Maybe not hard enough, but I am still pushing. Because I’m not here, just as a participant, I’m here to make my mark.

Unfortunately, I don’t have much to back my words, and I don’t feel good about it, because I am still unemployed, still not earning through formal means and I’m still figuring myself out.

Yes, I’m not a success story. Yet. I’m not a struggle story either. However, I’m not far away. I have come a long way. Though I still have miles to be covered but I’m getting there.

Do I regret, making all these decisions in the last couple of years? Yes, sometimes, I do. Sometimes, I feel like I’m moving against the current. Sometimes, it feels like I have lost myself, wandering through oblivion. And I have no shame in confessing that. But believe me, I would feel a lot of shame if I hadn’t made that choice after doing engineering.

Now, you are free to make any conclusion, call me a narcissist, a fanatic, a long-shot or whatever, you’re entitled to your opinion. But what I’m trying to do here may end up changing a lot of minds. It may end up transforming the way we think about ourselves and our abilities. If not the whole society, I may end up inculcating this new sense of ‘do more and don’t settle for mediocrity’ among my family and friends.

At the end of the day, it is all about setting an example and influencing others. Inspiring and empowering others to learn from your example and strive for something greater. Because someone has to cut the chain. Someone has to make that sacrifice in order to change this social paradigm. If not me, someone else could’ve done it. Also, I’m not the first one, there are literally thousands of people, who prioritized excellence over mediocrity and inspired millions.

Even though I have mainly failed in my pursuits in the last three years but these failures are nothing in comparison to what I will feel, once I’ll reach my destiny. I’m not hiding, being disappointed about my failures. Truth is, I feel embarrassed sometimes, explaining why I’m still unemployed. Especially, for the last 5-6 days, I have been struggling with such thoughts. And that’s the primary reason that I’m writing this piece.

I mean, I’ve been dealing with these demons for God knows how long. Sometimes, I feel empty, without any energy. In such times, I find it quite difficult to even exist, let alone push or try.

Nonetheless, as I’ve learned from Rafa, doesn’t matter how great or resilient you’re, you will surely go down. Right now, I’m lying on the ground. Feeling lost. With no clear path to walk on, I’m feeling done. Now, I can stay like that. Call it quits. Admit it as my reality. Or I can try. I can try to stand up. It will not be easy, knowing that I may go down again. However, the key is to not stay down.

I’m not a life-guru, and I’m not trying to be one, but as they say, there is no dignity in staying down. So, I’m fighting, not only with the fear of failure but also with the evil of mediocrity and with the mindset of settling down for good.

Will I succeed in my pursuit of excellence? Will I end up making an impact? Will my story be a story of resilience and perseverance? Will I win, at all? Only He knows!

Will I be happy with myself, knowing that I didn’t settle down for mediocrity, rather I pushed myself beyond limits? Hell yeah!