Why I’m So Damn Happy
How I improved my mood without toxic positivity.
We all know someone who feeds into the mindset that they should “fake it till you make it.” This damaging slogan has been used to help people cope with their current state.
“Fake it till you make it” is saying that you are not enough now but just pretend.
If you aren’t happy, pretend. Why? Just keep showing up with a smile on your face and maybe you can trick everyone into thinking you’re fine (including yourself).
I used to be stuck in this cult mentality.
I may as well have worn a long, flowy, white, linen dress and sang folk songs promoting smiling over crying. It was bad, and a lot of people were drinking the metaphorical Kool-Aid with me.
It took reaching some low points before I would realize that this facade of a lifestyle was not the savior it was made out to be.
I still have depression and am genuinely happier than I have ever been in my life. I’m going to share with you a few ideas that help center me on a daily basis.
Lesson 1: “This too shall pass” Rumi
The winding roads, beautiful mountains, and time will all pass. When you’re having a challenging moment, it will pass. The perfect sunset will pass.
Feel the feelings. If it is overwhelming, breathe and take refuge in impermanence.
Lesson 2: Cry, Laugh, Scream
I used to be afraid to show emotions. My stoicism was an armor I wore from a young age to avoid being hurt. As I got older, I realized it also shielded me from experiencing joy.
Laugh. I had to learn how to truly enjoy the moment and belly laugh. Once I learned to laugh, crying became easier.
I admittedly sobbed at the end of A Male Called Otto. If you haven’t seen it, and need to build this skill, I suggest grabbing a box of tissues and turning on Netflix.
Scream. Just go outside and scream. There is something about just letting it all out into the void that is so amazing.
Lesson 3: Let Go
Let go of your expectations of other people and the expectations you think they have of you.
“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” ― Anne Lamott.
We have no control over others. Period. Everyone has their own agency. I work with others to create shared goals and outline, with clarity, boundaries.
“Let go of it!”
Do you remember shouting this as a young child to a friend or sibling? It is often followed up with “It’s not yours!” I encourage you to repeat these words to yourself when you start to silently create expectations.
We also create stories around what we think others expect from us. The stories are fabricated to make sense of the world around us. My brain often fills in the gaps with anxious thoughts.
I create unreasonable goals, because I think it is what other people want from me. True or not, I need to let go.
Unreasonable goals self-created or otherwise need to be corrected.
In Short
Nothing in this universe will be here forever. Appreciate it and release it.
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