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Abstract

all. The parents complained.<blockquote id="a696">“We just don’t think we can meet his needs here anymore.”</blockquote>And we were out.Fast forward five years, and an ADHD/Autism diagnosis helps explain some of these patterns of behavior. My 6 year old has an IEP and a support plan at place at school now. As a parent I feel like I have a few more answers than I did during those early days on the playground.But every day is still a struggle.Even if your child has special needs, other parents don’t like it if your kid hits their kid. Or if they bite, or shove, or push them to the ground. I’ve still gotten more behavior incident reports than I can count from various educational institutions, and notices that we may lose our spot in summer camps if my son won’t start following the rules.I’ve had several parents at my son’s school approach me about something he did to their child, asking that I “talk with him at home” so that he will stop doing it.So on a rare day when I receive a notice from school that someone else’s kid hit my son on the playground, a part of me rejoices.Why?Because it’s a rare moment when I get to feel normal. I get to pretend I’m just like

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any other mom who has to comfort her child for a bruise or hurt feelings.It’s a time when the spotlight isn’t on me for my shortcomings or inability to prevent my own son’s impulses.I feel the same way when I see a child having a meltdown in public, or when someone else’s child is screaming on a plane. Of course I have empathy for any parent in a difficult moment. But sometimes it feels good when it’s not your turn.<figure id="dd82"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*0HG3aHTLRdqjUDqMtBK0xA.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@rasho?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Rashid Sadykov</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/kids-playground?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>For moms of special needs kids, we need these moments to help us feel like we can make it through the end of the week.Reminders that other kids hit or lash out sometimes somehow lightens my load and makes me feel like I’m a regular mom again.So if your kid gets upset on the playground and gives my son a shove? I’d hug my child and dry his tears. But I may also thank you.</article></body>

Why I Won’t Get Mad If Your Kid Hits My Son

The gift of feeling normal

It started when my son was only 18 months old.

His Montessori daycare started sending behavior notices home because he was hurting his classmates.

I had started to feel terrible anxiety any time we visited playgrounds or other public places with kids and families.

Without warning, my son would go from happily playing to shoving other toddlers off of playground equipment.

An out-of-town visit from one of my best friends had to be cut short because my son wouldn’t stop attacking her son.

The daycare reports started piling up, until finally they called me in for a meeting. My son had pushed a girl off of her chair for no reason, and now she had a visible bump on her head from the fall. The parents complained.

“We just don’t think we can meet his needs here anymore.”

And we were out.

Fast forward five years, and an ADHD/Autism diagnosis helps explain some of these patterns of behavior. My 6 year old has an IEP and a support plan at place at school now. As a parent I feel like I have a few more answers than I did during those early days on the playground.

But every day is still a struggle.

Even if your child has special needs, other parents don’t like it if your kid hits their kid. Or if they bite, or shove, or push them to the ground. I’ve still gotten more behavior incident reports than I can count from various educational institutions, and notices that we may lose our spot in summer camps if my son won’t start following the rules.

I’ve had several parents at my son’s school approach me about something he did to their child, asking that I “talk with him at home” so that he will stop doing it.

So on a rare day when I receive a notice from school that someone else’s kid hit my son on the playground, a part of me rejoices.

Why?

Because it’s a rare moment when I get to feel normal. I get to pretend I’m just like any other mom who has to comfort her child for a bruise or hurt feelings.

It’s a time when the spotlight isn’t on me for my shortcomings or inability to prevent my own son’s impulses.

I feel the same way when I see a child having a meltdown in public, or when someone else’s child is screaming on a plane. Of course I have empathy for any parent in a difficult moment. But sometimes it feels good when it’s not your turn.

For moms of special needs kids, we need these moments to help us feel like we can make it through the end of the week.

Reminders that other kids hit or lash out sometimes somehow lightens my load and makes me feel like I’m a regular mom again.

So if your kid gets upset on the playground and gives my son a shove? I’d hug my child and dry his tears. But I may also thank you.