Why I Stopped Sharing My Goals Publicly

Maybe you feel the same way

There are many reasons why I choose not to share my goals and ambitions with others.

There are definitely pros and cons to sharing. But for me, I have come to the conclusion that it is often better to keep my mouth shut.

Without further ado, here are the main reasons.

Avoiding Unnecessary and Unwanted Opinions

When you share your plans and ambitions, you are inviting people to comment on and critique them.

Have you ever told someone that you had a plan to lose weight or exercise more? We all know what happens next. The person you talk to will usually give their opinion on what they believe you should do. They will highlight all the potential flaws in your plans and you will second guess yourself.

I can’t think of a better way to derail your plans and erode self confidence.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes you want a second opinion. But sometimes you don’t. If you have done the appropriate research and devised a plan, sometimes you want to be left alone.

As someone who procrastinates a lot, I can’t afford to lose momentum when I have it.

If you need help, you can always ask for it after you have actually tried.

Self Accountability

Some people are strong advocates of announcing your goals. They believe it creates social pressure and accountability.

This might work for some people and it can. But I am after self accountability.

Let’s continue with the weight loss example. When you announce your goals, you end up adding a lot of unnecessary pressure. When things don’t go well, they get even worse when other people are watching you fail.

Sure, people can support you and help you to achieve your goals. But people are also very forgiving.

It is very human and even more relatable that you end up failing.

What you realise, after failing in public, is both good and bad. You realise it’s not a big deal and there is no punishment for failing.

Many of the things that I pursue in life have been to impress other people. I often seek the approval of those around me.

Sometimes, it is more important to me to do what is expected rather than take on what I would like to do.

By keeping my ambitions to myself, I have no one else to answer to whether I succeed or fail.

Social pressure is real, and it can get us to do many things. But, it doesn’t always get us to do the best thing for ourselves.

Avoiding the Awkward Check Ins

When you keep things to yourself, you get to avoid those awkward check ins.

The people you share your goals with will constantly ask you how your new project is going. It’s important you remember that they ask because they care about you.

The problem is that any meaningful progress is rarely immediate.

There is a mismatch in expectations. Progress can be slow but they will check in more often than you would like.

It can be discouraging and even embarrassing to say nothing has changed since you last spoke.

It’s Easier to Pivot

Sometimes, things don’t go to plan. Sometimes they aren’t as expected.

Actually, most of the time, things aren’t as expected.

The ability to drop a project because you don’t think it is worth it anymore and moving on quickly is invaluable.

When you make your goals public, you can feel obligated to update everyone and explain why you quit. There is no shame in quitting anything and I don’t think you need to explain it to anyone.

It’s likely a waste of time.

It’s very important for you to realise when something isn’t worth pursuing. And it’s important to figure that out for yourself.

Again, if you want a second opinion, you can always ask for it.

The Social Dopamine Reward of Intent

This is by far the biggest reason why I stopped telling people about my plans.

I am fortunate to have friends and family that are very supportive. They compliment me when I share good ideas. And, they typically give me their stamp of approval for the new projects that I take on.

The biggest issue is the feeling of achievement I get just from talking about what I want to pursue, without even pursuing it.

This hit of dopamine is highly addictive. I will find myself chasing the approval of an idea rather than go through with it. This leads to a cycle of constant new ideas with zero follow through.

Eventually, friends will realise that I am all talk. When this happens, I have somewhat damaged my reputation as a proactive doer.

I become a less reliable person when what I say I will do and what I do, don’t match.

Those are the biggest reasons why I don’t share my goals with others.

Of course, there are incredibly valid reasons to share your goals with others. Particularly, if you need teamwork or assistance. But in those cases, the people involved are not mere bystanders.

In general, I enjoy sharing my goals with others after I complete them rather than getting rewarded for good intentions.