Why I Stopped Judging People and Started Minding My Own Business

From then on, I accepted people’s personalities no matter what they were like.

It was always interesting to observe people in public gatherings, classrooms, or meetings. Observing their body movements, what jokes they were laughing at, whether they were having a tense conversation or just enjoying each other’s company, was fascinating to me. As an introvert, I seldom spoke in such places and instead studied how people reacted.

In fact, rather than learning lessons, I always observed the body language of students and teachers during my engineering classes. Yes, it started during my graduation days.

The change in my classmates’ reaction when a teacher asked a question and the change in the teacher’s reaction when facing a rude student entertained and enlightened me every time. It was all hilarious.

Mostly, I noticed that the students’ hands came in front of their mouths. They would cover their lips this way when someone asked a question. At times, I noticed myself doing it. My right hand would automatically move to cover my mouth.

My hesitation was not an issue for me, but it validated my conclusion that covering your mouth with your hands during a conversation is a sign of hesitation and fear, especially if you’re speaking to someone better than you in many ways.

Watching people’s reactions and movements slowly became an addiction. I used to do it unconsciously.

I was always on the lookout for -

Who all cross their legs and move them all the time?

Who all put their hands in their pockets during breaks?

Who stands with their hands folded?

Who can talk directly and make eye contact?

Who does not make eye contact?

Why this guy spends a lot of time in the parking lot and not in the garden?

Why this girl is always in the garden and never not in the canteen?

And so on and so forth.

Fascinated by this behavioral science, I judged people for each of their actions to have my interpretation of why they would have reacted in particular. I made my own assumptions, such as that they would have been in situation “A” and therefore reacted like “x”. I used to link common reactions of people. If I could find 8 to 10 people with similar body language in similar situations, that meant it could work in most cases.

I also paid too much attention to people’s clothing style and never hesitated to roll my eyes up and down to check them out, even if the person was a girl. Honestly, the intention was to check the dress sense, but a girl in my office found it uncomfortable. Fortunately, she came and told me to stop doing it. It made her uncomfortable.

Dumbfounded, I did not even realize I was doing it.

This habit had both positive and negative effects.

Positive Effect

After certain interactions, I could validate a person’s personality. It helped me to have mutually beneficial discussions. Results came out faster, we reached faster agreements.

I started avoiding people whose body language did not match that of people I liked. It saved me time, and I did not have to strain to talk. It helped me get things done quickly, and I did not need anyone in gatherings to accompany because I was busy in my world of watching people and seeing what they were doing. I never felt bored.

Negative Effect

I started thinking a lot and looking for reasons for people’s reactions so I could base my actions on them. Before deciding, I looked at situations from multiple angles.

If she reacted that way, what could be the reason, I always had 2 to 3 options, either this or that.

I was aware of unfamiliar places and took time to mingle. The reason was I wanted to be sure how people would react. I wanted to know all the maximum possibilities of a bad influence, and once I was sure, I would mingle.

This also had a complementary influence on my actions. Sometimes, I feared judgment, such as what people would think of my smallest actions. When you fear judgment, you act slowly and the results take time.

It was all stressful with a constant fear.

I understood why I lost my hair at a young age. Negatives weighed more than the positives.

When I Changed Myself

Once, I was scrolling through social media and saw a video in which a spokesperson shared

“Never underestimate yourself because of other people’s actions and reactions.”

And that phrase stuck in my head, and I thought I need to change that feeling. This underestimating comes when you judge yourself and others too much. You kept thinking about it, and not concentrate on the matters that needed your attention.

As the days passed, I remembered all such incidents that ended in stiff conversation because I took time to mingle and others thought I might be arrogant or whatever. I left someone’s company because I thought they were more interested in talking to another person and not me. Now that I think of it, it certainly would have perplexed people about my personality.

After countless thoughtful moments and weighing pros and cons, I decided that this need to stop.

Because people who judge are the most afraid of being judged by others. Rather than focusing on their own actions, we concentrate on other people’s actions and reactions. It feels like we are giving an exam every time we move out or talk with someone. Or we are a headteacher with a job to judge people, and pass or fail them in daily events.

And the next day at the office, I saw someone wearing a bright pink shirt, and the moment I wanted to think he was funky or some other type, I reminded myself that I don’t need to judge anyone and went on my way to mind my business.

Believe me, it is relieving; I do not have to think about other people. Instead, I can focus on myself or my ongoing task. It saved my precious time.

Later, I had several similar moments, and each time I winked to myself and muttered, “I know I do not have to think much.”

It made me more fearless than ever. I felt a free mind with no need to think about unnecessary things.

I stopped looking at trivial things, and I started accepting people’s reaction to any situation.

Then it does not matter why my neighbor goes for a 2 hour walk, and why my friend always like that stale sandwich. As it is, I accepted everyone’s personality. No pressure, no prying eyes, only smiles.

I wish everyone would stop judging people, and start living a carefree life.

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