Summary

Christina, the author, has decided to stop drinking alcohol again after recognizing its negative impact on her health and life, and she is using her public platform to hold herself accountable and potentially help others struggling with alcohol consumption.

Abstract

Christina began her most recent period of sobriety on November 1, 2022, and initially felt great benefits from abstaining from alcohol for nine months. However, during a family visit, she succumbed to the temptation to drink again, which led to a cycle of starting and stopping her alcohol consumption. After noticing physical signs of distress, such as bloodshot eyes and a swollen liver, and being reminded of past health scares, she has recommitted to sobriety. Christina uses her writing as a means to stay accountable and hopes to assist others facing similar challenges. She acknowledges the potential damage she may have caused to her liver and is now focused on her health and personal goals, including writing and weight loss.

Opinions

Christina believes that even moderate drinking can have serious health consequences, as evidenced by her own experiences and the videos she watched about liver disease.
She recognizes the power of public accountability and writing about personal struggles as tools for maintaining sobriety and helping others.
Christina admits to previously deceiving herself about the severity of her drinking and its impact on her health, labeling past justifications as "lies."
Despite feeling embarrassed about her struggle with alcohol, she is committed to transparency and using her platform to discuss the issue openly.
The author's decision to quit drinking was influenced by a combination of personal health concerns, the desire to achieve her goals, and the inspiration drawn from others who have shared their sobriety journeys publicly.

Why I Stopped Drinking — Again.

This is hard to publish.

**Been there, done that.** | Image created in Midjourney.

On November 1, 2022, I took a break from alcohol. I purposely started it before the holiday season to prove I could handle it.

I spent 9 months alcohol-free. I felt awesome!

6 Unique Benefits to Quitting Alcohol for 6 Months

This sober experiment has opened my eyes.

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Then my family and I went to visit my brother in Michigan. The Little Devil started talking to me again. “You’ve been so good. You can have a glass of wine. No big deal.”

I finally caved one night at dinner.

When you stop and start again (I’ve done this several times now), you always tell yourself you’ll take it down a notch. You won’t let it control you this time.

Lies.

It always begins to spiral again.

You’ll notice the spiraling started in this article:

Calorie-Counting Challenge: Weeks 3 & 4 Breakdown

I am really good at this one thing.

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It got worse in this article:

Calorie-Counting Challenge Week 7 Breakdown (Barely Hanging On…)

I didn’t quit this week, but I 1/8-assed it.

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But there’s one thing that finally made me stop.

I woke up this past Monday (November 13, 2023, for reference) and looked at myself in the mirror.

“You look like shit!” — Me

I’m not a fan of berating myself, but it was true. Bloodshot eyes. Puffy face. Puffy belly. What the hell am I doing to myself? This is not who I really am.

That stopped me for two days.

But I was still thinking about having wine at me and my husband’s anniversary dinner on Wednesday.

Then I watched this video:

Do you see how he’s holding his hand under his rib?

I was also doing that. Because it was feeling swollen and irritated there.

My poor freaking liver!

But this wasn’t the first time I felt that…

That swollen, irritated feeling was something I used to feel all the time. In fact, I had a barrage of tests several years ago to see what it was:

blood tests
ultrasound
endoscopy
another test where they shoot dye into your gallbladder and liver

Everything was always normal. I was on a vegan diet at the time, so I blamed that. “Too much fiber!”, I told myself.

The endoscopy I had showed I had an acidic stomach (from drinking, of course). “It’s just stomach acid!” (As if that’s a good thing.)

More lies.

The tests were coming out normal, but my body was giving me a big warning sign. I refused to listen.

If I feel the urge to have a drink, I’m going back through all the liver disease videos.

Like this one:

This man (who has sadly passed away) stopped drinking for 30 years and still ended up with end-stage liver cirrhosis.

(The good news is that when he stopped, he got another 30 years of life.)

I’m only going to watch these when I get an urge because I don’t want the possibility of end-stage liver disease haunting me every day for the rest of my life.

It is what it is and all I can do is assume everything will be fine and keep being as healthy as I can from now on.

In case you’re wondering, I drank too much, but I was one of those evening drinkers. I never drank at work or anything like that.

“I’m not that bad.”

More lies.

But sometimes other drinks slipped in there. (Gin and tonics, etc.) I also took several long breaks, but they were never long enough. (Like…forever.)

I honestly hate writing about this because it’s embarrassing and I’m someone who loves to keep all my issues to myself. But, I’m doing it for 2 reasons:

To keep me accountable. I do better when I write about things in a public forum like this. (Just hoping people in my “real” life don’t see it. But if they do, oh well.)
To maybe help someone else out there who’s struggling with this. If I can help in some way, let me know.

Final thoughts

While I’m nervous about the fact I may have screwed over a major organ, I am feeling good about the future.

I am getting good sleep again, allowing me to fully focus on accomplishing my goals. I have Medium goals, Twitter/X goals, and weight loss/health goals to tackle.

And I feel pretty hyped about that. Hell yea!

P.S. I was inspired to talk about this more after reading James Julian’s articles on this topic. Check him out, if you haven’t!

About the author

Hey! I’m Christina, an introverted book nerd on the outside, and a raging metalhead on the inside. I’m a married mom to two teenagers (and 3 cats and a dog). I love Vegas, the band Chevelle, and murder mysteries.

I also love creating daily newsletters with a short list of simple income ideas and resources. 👈 Click that astonishingly long link to sign up for free.