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Abstract

nst you in a scenario. Along with wearing a blindfold to be impartial and weighing everything on a scale, Lady Justice, the sign of the legal system and also related to the Libra zodiac sign, also carries a sharp sword. Once a decision is made, it may cut hard, so it’s always good to be mindful of the possibilities.</li><li>I wasn’t there and I didn’t witness the occurrence— This one should be pretty basic to understand. If I didn’t actually see something, how can I truly speak to what happened? You can tell me your perception. The other party can tell me theirs. Eyewitnesses can share their individual perspectives. But, in the end, if I didn’t personally observe an occurrence, I am simply going off hearsay. And I can only place so much legitimacy in that if I’m being honest and authentic to myself. It’s all just an assumption. And I could be wrong.</li><li>I am not part of the relationship or situation — This is similar to the last one in that, once again, this is technically not my business. I especially feel this applies in regards to romantic relationships. No one knows how someone else is in a romantic dynamic unless they are in the dynamic. Even if you have been in a relationship with one or both parties, there can still be different dynamics playing out. And even if you know a person in general, how they are in a romantic scenario can be totally different than how they are in every other type of relationship in their life. It’s simply not my deal. And that especially applies to other people’s private domestic disputes.</li><li>My input doesn’t matter or change anything — Often this is the reality when you are not involved in a situation. As nice as it is to talk to someone and feel heard, understood, and supported, in the end, what I say really doesn’t matter that much. Because, circling back to the previous point, I am not an integral part of the dynamic, but rather an unrelated 3rd party just hearing about what occurred. Therefore my perspective on the conflict should not be overstated or overly considered, as it has most minimal influence. I am, however, happy to provide perspective if it serves you in the right way.</li><li>I'm not here to coddle anyone, but to encourage personal growth — That should simply be recognized and known: My ultimate priority is your growth and development. That matters more to me than making you feel good for the moment or blanketing you in positive emotions, while ignoring the truth. So what does that ultimately mean in regards to situations like this? It means that I will not blindly take your side and will discuss your own personal accountability in the situation. I will also talk about how you can responsibly handle the situation in order to minimize drama rather than goad you on. And why you may need to step away from the scenario completely. Some people don’t like that, but it’s just how I roll. Know it, so there’s no surprise there.</li><li>I know both or all parties involved and the things that could go awry — Here’s more real talk: When someone comes to me about a situation, I consider how you are, how they are, and what could have happened to cause the falling out. In that way, I could find fault with various parties, including you, and not just the ones you intended me to. I will not automatically default to your side. I do notice patterns. My take may be hard to swallow, but it’s ultimately for your highest good. Best to know this going into it, though.</li><li>I have not personally experienced problems with said parties — Although it’s unfortunate that you’re having issues with someone, it’s hard for me to speak on it if I have never experienced or seen the same or have not had the type of relationship dynamic in order to know firs

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thand. Then I am judging purely based on hearsay. It’s the same reason I tend to not share when I have problems with people. Just because I have had an issue with someone doesn’t mean that others will experience the same. Now, if I happen to have someone come to me with a concern they had with a person and I have experienced similar, I may disclose my own experience which seems to be coming up as a pattern. But I’ve very much aware that people have their own experiences, dynamics, and relationships with people, which can vary. I’m not going to have a problem with someone you’ve had a problem with on your behalf, nor have I expected others to do the same for me.</li><li>Division begets division and alliances just add to that — Once a situation occurs, it’s very tempting to gather your troops on each respective side. So you go and share your story to as many as will listen and recruit backup support. I get it. But depending on the scenario, that can also be considered recruiting of what’s called “flying monkeys” who will support you, regardless of if you had fault in the whole affair, and they may even do your bidding, including mistreatment and getting revenge. I don’t seek to be anyone’s flying monkey. A whole war can be created simply from a disagreement between 2 parties, when really, it’s no one else’s ordeal. Such division breeds a toxic battleground that I don’t prefer to be part of. I generally don’t seek to gather my own flying monkeys for that same reason — I don’t want to add to the energy of the situation and instead would rather let it die down.</li><li>Things may shift again and relationship is restored — This happens all too often between 2 parties, after many others have already been dragged into the mix. This is especially the case with romantic relationships and can create a real mess and a lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings. And it’s one reason why I don’t like to get involved in romantic situations, for the most part, especially when it comes to taking sides. The exception to this is if I’ve seen warning signs myself in the other individual or there has been repeat disruptions in the connection that prove to be worrisome. But especially since couples have their squabbles and may make up or sometimes people go back to someone that others have concerns about, it helps to remain as neutral as possible under the circumstances. Ultimately I care more about your happiness than my personal opinions.</li></ul>So, as you can see, there are many reasons that I may choose to remain neutral in regards to situations — probably more than even fully listed here.One other one that I didn’t necessarily mention is that I often don’t get overly swept away or controlled by others’ strong emotions, as I try to maintain some emotional distance as an observer without taking on all of that. I’m happy to listen and help in the ways that I can — without it becoming an emotional burden to myself.Now that I’ve presented my thoughts, mindset, and ways of operating in regards to this topic, I’d like to open up the space to hear yours.How do you handle disputes between your family, friends, co-workers, or others in your life that you care about? Do you have any helpful or wise tips about how to appropriately handle such delicate situations? Do you find it more supportive to remain neutral or to take someone’s side if you care about them?Everyone is so different about how they handle things and may find that different things work. So it’d be great to strike up a conversation and hear how all of you handle such scenarios that come up in your own lives. Please feel free to share your experiences in the comments below.</article></body>

Why I Stay Neutral in Disputes

Lady Justice known for her blindfold, scales, sword, and impartiality. {Graphic courtesy of FreeP!k}

Interestingly enough, this article started writing itself as I spent a weekend at home resting after having a really bad health episode. It caused me to spend hours daily sleeping and resting my eye after a corneal abrasion.

Bits and pieces of this came to me during that bizarre state, for me to later flesh out when I started feeling better.

Over my life, but especially since I’ve been older, people have contacted me trying to enlist me in problem situations.

For whatever reason, they often want me to know what happened, their side of the story, how they may have been wronged, and whom they no longer feel the need to speak with.

It should be known that many times, these situations have nothing to do with me and I am not involved.

Yet they’re brought to me anyways. I’ve had this with family, friends, work scenarios, romantic relationships, public social situations, you name it.

I don’t necessarily mind people sharing scenarios if they’re looking for honest and unbiased advice and insight that can help them to deal with it.

When I do start having a problem is when people don’t realize where I tend to stand with situations and try to enlist my support against other parties, particularly while remaining blind to their own potential part in the problem.

Let it be known: In general, I will listen to a situation and sort it all out pretty quickly. But especially if I’m only hearing one perspective, I am not likely to take any sides. That is rare for me to do that and typically quite limited, particularly if I have not experienced similar bad dynamics with a person.

And even so, generally I’m going to stay out of it. I’m not joining your smear campaign. I’m not cutting off relationships with someone. I’m not going to blacklist or cancel them.

I’m going to be neutral and let you guys sort it out. If I do take any such actions, it will be of my own determination, not by your persuasion.

I’ve had some people misunderstand my stance (or lack thereof) or become angry, claiming I’m not supporting them. They are within their right to feel that way, even if I don’t feel it’s an accurate perception of my intentions.

I’m simply not about the drama of the blame game. And I’ve finally decided to share why, as there’s actually many different reasons.

Here goes….

Why I Typically Stay Neutral in Disputes and Disagreements

I’m a Libra — I’m going to start here, because this is key. As the sign of the judicial/law/legal system, justice, and fairness, our thing is impartial neutrality. It’s in our nature. You couldn’t go have your case heard by a judge who has already made a decision against you. A good judge listens to all of the facts, takes into account everything related, keeps his own personal feelings out of it, and attempts to make the most fair decision under the circumstances. As the sign of balance and the measuring scales, we always have to weigh the factors. We see many different perspectives. We’re also not easily swayed or manipulated, even by strong emotions, pressure, or strong-arming. Libras are also known to play the devil’s advocate role. In the end, this can be a blessing if the tides turn and favor ever goes against you in a scenario. Along with wearing a blindfold to be impartial and weighing everything on a scale, Lady Justice, the sign of the legal system and also related to the Libra zodiac sign, also carries a sharp sword. Once a decision is made, it may cut hard, so it’s always good to be mindful of the possibilities.
I wasn’t there and I didn’t witness the occurrence— This one should be pretty basic to understand. If I didn’t actually see something, how can I truly speak to what happened? You can tell me your perception. The other party can tell me theirs. Eyewitnesses can share their individual perspectives. But, in the end, if I didn’t personally observe an occurrence, I am simply going off hearsay. And I can only place so much legitimacy in that if I’m being honest and authentic to myself. It’s all just an assumption. And I could be wrong.
I am not part of the relationship or situation — This is similar to the last one in that, once again, this is technically not my business. I especially feel this applies in regards to romantic relationships. No one knows how someone else is in a romantic dynamic unless they are in the dynamic. Even if you have been in a relationship with one or both parties, there can still be different dynamics playing out. And even if you know a person in general, how they are in a romantic scenario can be totally different than how they are in every other type of relationship in their life. It’s simply not my deal. And that especially applies to other people’s private domestic disputes.
My input doesn’t matter or change anything — Often this is the reality when you are not involved in a situation. As nice as it is to talk to someone and feel heard, understood, and supported, in the end, what I say really doesn’t matter that much. Because, circling back to the previous point, I am not an integral part of the dynamic, but rather an unrelated 3rd party just hearing about what occurred. Therefore my perspective on the conflict should not be overstated or overly considered, as it has most minimal influence. I am, however, happy to provide perspective if it serves you in the right way.
I'm not here to coddle anyone, but to encourage personal growth — That should simply be recognized and known: My ultimate priority is your growth and development. That matters more to me than making you feel good for the moment or blanketing you in positive emotions, while ignoring the truth. So what does that ultimately mean in regards to situations like this? It means that I will not blindly take your side and will discuss your own personal accountability in the situation. I will also talk about how you can responsibly handle the situation in order to minimize drama rather than goad you on. And why you may need to step away from the scenario completely. Some people don’t like that, but it’s just how I roll. Know it, so there’s no surprise there.
I know both or all parties involved and the things that could go awry — Here’s more real talk: When someone comes to me about a situation, I consider how you are, how they are, and what could have happened to cause the falling out. In that way, I could find fault with various parties, including you, and not just the ones you intended me to. I will not automatically default to your side. I do notice patterns. My take may be hard to swallow, but it’s ultimately for your highest good. Best to know this going into it, though.
I have not personally experienced problems with said parties — Although it’s unfortunate that you’re having issues with someone, it’s hard for me to speak on it if I have never experienced or seen the same or have not had the type of relationship dynamic in order to know firsthand. Then I am judging purely based on hearsay. It’s the same reason I tend to not share when I have problems with people. Just because I have had an issue with someone doesn’t mean that others will experience the same. Now, if I happen to have someone come to me with a concern they had with a person and I have experienced similar, I may disclose my own experience which seems to be coming up as a pattern. But I’ve very much aware that people have their own experiences, dynamics, and relationships with people, which can vary. I’m not going to have a problem with someone you’ve had a problem with on your behalf, nor have I expected others to do the same for me.
Division begets division and alliances just add to that — Once a situation occurs, it’s very tempting to gather your troops on each respective side. So you go and share your story to as many as will listen and recruit backup support. I get it. But depending on the scenario, that can also be considered recruiting of what’s called “flying monkeys” who will support you, regardless of if you had fault in the whole affair, and they may even do your bidding, including mistreatment and getting revenge. I don’t seek to be anyone’s flying monkey. A whole war can be created simply from a disagreement between 2 parties, when really, it’s no one else’s ordeal. Such division breeds a toxic battleground that I don’t prefer to be part of. I generally don’t seek to gather my own flying monkeys for that same reason — I don’t want to add to the energy of the situation and instead would rather let it die down.
Things may shift again and relationship is restored — This happens all too often between 2 parties, after many others have already been dragged into the mix. This is especially the case with romantic relationships and can create a real mess and a lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings. And it’s one reason why I don’t like to get involved in romantic situations, for the most part, especially when it comes to taking sides. The exception to this is if I’ve seen warning signs myself in the other individual or there has been repeat disruptions in the connection that prove to be worrisome. But especially since couples have their squabbles and may make up or sometimes people go back to someone that others have concerns about, it helps to remain as neutral as possible under the circumstances. Ultimately I care more about your happiness than my personal opinions.

So, as you can see, there are many reasons that I may choose to remain neutral in regards to situations — probably more than even fully listed here.

One other one that I didn’t necessarily mention is that I often don’t get overly swept away or controlled by others’ strong emotions, as I try to maintain some emotional distance as an observer without taking on all of that. I’m happy to listen and help in the ways that I can — without it becoming an emotional burden to myself.

Now that I’ve presented my thoughts, mindset, and ways of operating in regards to this topic, I’d like to open up the space to hear yours.

How do you handle disputes between your family, friends, co-workers, or others in your life that you care about? Do you have any helpful or wise tips about how to appropriately handle such delicate situations? Do you find it more supportive to remain neutral or to take someone’s side if you care about them?

Everyone is so different about how they handle things and may find that different things work. So it’d be great to strike up a conversation and hear how all of you handle such scenarios that come up in your own lives. Please feel free to share your experiences in the comments below.