Why I Quit Writing Fake Trivia

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

The other day I was in the car listening to the audiobook version of More Information Than You Require by John Hodgman. For those who aren’t aware, John Hodgman is a professional comedian and writer, and More Information Than You Require is pretty much a humorous compendium of false facts.

I like Hodgman’s work, and this is a particularly excellent audiobook in that it also features Jonathan Coulton as Hodgman’s sidekick in the recording booth. But listening to this, I was reminded of my own history with dreaming up and writing false facts and why I gave it up

Once Upon a Time

I used to write real trivia for one of those companies that organize pub quiz nights. Along with the questions, I also had to include sources in case any of the answers were challenged. No fake trivia there. Everything was absolutely true and accurate and trivial.

I also used to place lines of trivia in the pages of The Bulletin of the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America during my tenure as its managing editor. They were little nuggets of trivia printed in small type along the bottom of the pages. Most people ignored them. As I had hoped, some used them as writing prompts (or so I was told). Either way, it was harmless fun, and for several years I enjoyed compiling the trivia until a redesign of the magazine brought that to an end.

Enter the Fake

But I also used to write fake trivia.

It was for a weekly feature called “Rumor Tuesday” in a personal blog I wrote ten years ago. It’s not around anymore, but if you go digging deeply enough on the Internet, you might find echoes of it.

In any case, the idea behind Rumor Tuesday was that I’d write fake bits of trivia to mix in with real trivia. My fake bits were often obviously fake in that they contained wild exaggerations and preposterous premises.

Sometimes, however, I’d write some fake trivia that seemed more plausible.

I suppose it was an experiment in gullibility.

More likely, it was just a way to amuse myself.

Either way, I treated it as an entertaining and useful writing exercise and kept it up for a few years. Here are some examples of the fake trivia I would post:

• The first stand-up comedy film appeared during the silent era. Jerome Reed performed a stand-up comedy act in front of an audience in Newark, NJ. He stood next to a large easel in front of a brick wall and told his jokes while an assistant revealed a series of caption cards. Occasionally the film would cut to show the audience who had been given a series of placards that read words such as “Laugh,” “Groan,” “Applause,” and “Wild Applause.”
• The sewers of Paris contain many of the long-lost treasures of the Templar Knights, including King Solomon’s crown, a piece of the True Cross, and the actual Shroud of Turin (as opposed to the more famous fake residing at the Vatican).
• Olympic host cities must pass strenuous tests from the IOC regarding air and water quality, seismic stability, and average intelligence.
• Languages that have no word for “zero” often also do not have a word for “white.”
• From 1910 when it had a population of just over 200 to today with a population of about 50, the most popular and performed play on Pitcairn Island is the revenge classic Titus Andronicus.
• Emily Dickinson’s famous poem “Because I could not stop for Death” was inspired by the US Postal Service.
• An early Sony prototype for high-definition TV allowed mirrors shown on-screen to reflect the image of the viewer. However, the unique process required four times the usual power requirements and often resulted in console meltdowns.

If you read through them, you can see how some, like the one about Emily Dickinson, were too ridiculous to be real. As was the one about the silent movie-era stand-up comic. The one about the Paris sewers was aimed at conspiracy buffs (they love stuff about Templars).

The bits about Olympic host cities and languages? Well… maybe they were real? Or at least I hoped I had tricked the reader into thinking so.

I wasn’t trying to commit fraud or anything. It was just some harmless fun.

Then It Stopped Being Fun

I blame “alternative facts.”

Somewhere along the line, fake facts became something people were embracing. The plain gullibility and, yes, mean-spirited willful ignorance of people around me was suddenly cast in sharp relief.

I didn’t like what I saw.

Alternative facts are nothing new. They’ve been around since mankind could first talk. More recently, there had been a lot of this during the Bush II years and Stephen Colbert’s concept of “truthiness.”

But today’s alternative facts seem like they’re something different. This is people witnessing events with their own eyes and then denying the reality. And rather than getting laughed out of the room, alternative facts were given the same amount of time and attention as actual facts.

And there were times when they seemed to supersede objective facts. Birtherism. Election lies. Q-anon. Anti-vaxxers. January 6 — and so much more.

My social media erupted with nonsense, and no amount of evidence or proof could change the minds of people who were more than ready to embrace untruth.

Suddenly, my contributions to the world of fake facts ended up becoming something of an embarrassment. No matter how innocent my intentions were, this was not the time.

Saving It For Later

Perhaps one day, we’ll find our sanity again.

Maybe one day we can have some fun making up outrageous stories and not worry that someone will take us too seriously.

But until that time arrives, I’m going to leave funny fake facts to professionals like John Hodgman. I’ll find something else to write for my own amusement.

I hear dirty limericks are making a comeback.

About John Teehan

John lives in Rhode Island with his wife, son, and dog. He specializes in tech, health, business, parenting, pop culture, and gaming. Visit wordsbyjohn.net for more info and rates. Twitter: @WordsByJohn2