Why I Quit My Job And Kept It A Secret

For now, I’m going to keep working hard for myself and enjoy my summer

I had known for a while that I was going to quit my job before I actually did, but I didn’t tell anyone. That’s not true, I told my best friends who both understood my feelings and supported my decision. What I meant was I didn’t tell anyone in my family besides my mother. In my first article on medium, I outlined the details of why I quit my job without having much of a solid backup plan, but what I neglected to mention is that now that I’m jobless I’m sort of living a secret life.

Currently I live with my mother, uncle, and cousin and we all sort of cohabitate like a combination of family and roommates. I’ve been home for the past 8-weeks, and nobody has asked me outright, why I’ve been home so much. I figure they assumed I was off for the summer and so they never asked and I never had to lie.

But three days ago that changed when my Godfather, who visits regularly finally noticed I was always there when he would stop by. When he casually asked, “Are you off for the summer or something?” I was a little unprepared for the question and stuttered a potentially unconvincing, “Huh what, oh yea.” My being off for the summer is plausible, but not common in the world of private preschools. Unlike public schools many private daycares that cater to children ages 0–5 are open year-round. Teachers can take time off upon request, but anything more than two weeks might be approved, but would be unpaid. So, I told him they didn’t need as many teachers this summer. This little lie is fine for now, but what happens in another 5 weeks, when I’m still home? I haven’t quite decided yet.

So why did I feel the need to lie in the first place?

Well I grew up in a household of hard-working Haitian immigrants. My mother, her mother, and most of her siblings came to the United States in the late 70’s early 80’s with hopes of the American dream. My mother, having no degree and a basic ability to communicate and understand English, was only able to get a minimum wage position as a housekeeper in an old folks home, where she worked for almost 30 years.

My whole life she had always pushed the idea that I had to go to college and get a good job. The idea that I wouldn’t go to college seemed completely unacceptable, but going to college was not the part I objected to. After my first job experience at 7 eleven, I knew I didn’t want to work for someone else my whole life. I had always said, I wanted to open my own daycare, but nobody ever really encouraged that idea. I assume because they didn’t know how I could make that happen and honestly neither did I. Most of my career, I told myself I was gaining experience before I ventured out on my own. That’s how I kept the dream alive, but the truth was the idea of actually starting my own daycare seemed extremely daunting and deep down I knew it wouldn’t give me the freedom I truly desired. Time passed and I started getting comfortable as an employee.

Even though teaching is widely known as one of the lowest paying careers, my family was proud and supportive. Nobody was trying to convince me to choose a higher paying career, until I actually started working. I happened to choose to work in private preschools, which is by far the lowest paying position in the education field with the least benefits. I was constantly asked why I wasn’t working in the public-school system. After my student teaching experience in a Kindergarten classroom, I realized the level of organization, structure, and multi-tasking that’s required from public school teachers was not going to be a fit for me. I’m not naturally an organized person and I could tell early on that, I was going to be stressed and overwhelmed. Teaching preschoolers definitely comes with its own stresses, but what I learned from my other teacher friends in different teaching positions (early childhood, elementary, high school, college) is that each position varies in its specific structure and routine and so the stress factors are different. With early childhood, although the pay was less, it also allowed me to be more spontaneous and creative with my curriculum, which was something I enjoyed.

That said, I’m finding it difficult to come clean to an older generation of people who believe working a 9–5, with a salary, and benefits is the best thing since sliced bread. I know there will be disappointment and judgement and a general air that my happiness in life isn’t as important as making sure I can pay all my bills. I get it, they like the stability that a 9–5 has to offer, and on paper I kind of do too. Until I actually have to go there and do the job and giveaway about 75% of my day between getting ready for work, traveling to and from work (I had a long commute), and actually being at work.

Before the pandemic, going to work Monday through Friday and being stressed out just felt like what you do as an adult. That’s why there’s so many t-shirts and mugs out there with funny little phrases about needing coffee and the hardships of adulting. During the pandemic, I realized that I had been keeping myself in a box. I was doing what was expected of me because that’s what I had been taught to do. But I realized that I was at my happiest when I was able to have complete control of my time. I used to always post reminders on social media for people to live their life to the fullest, and it was then that I realized, I hadn’t been. Working a full-time job didn’t feel like living your life to the fullest. I have nothing against having a 9–5. Sometimes it’s necessary and sometimes it truly makes the person happy, and really that’s all that matters. But for me as a single woman with no children, who’s bills are currently at an all time low, I feel I can afford to budget my money and take this chance.

The issue for this older generation, namely my family, is that they wouldn’t like the risk I’m taking. What if it doesn’t work out? What if you can’t find another job? That was another thing that was also ingrained in my head was that I couldn’t quit a job unless I had another one lined up. The thing is, I had already considered all those things before quitting my job and the truth is, with as much experience as I have, I’ll never have an issue getting a job if I absolutely need one. Many of my family members are well into retirement age or getting close. There’s so much they don’t understand about the way technology and social media have created so many different ways to make an income online.

Yet with or without this information, I know the issue will always come back to the lack of stability and the unknown outcome of all this. When I told my mother she was more concerned than anything and of course she tried her hand at changing my mind, but with her I really played on her religious side and asked her to have faith that everything was going to work out for me. She eventually accepted my decision and I know she prays for me daily.

At the end of the day, I’m not one that likes to debate with people, and so my keeping my status a secret is more so for my sanity than anything else. I personally am choosing to believe whole-heartedly that everything is going to work out wonderfully. When the time comes to reveal my unemployment status to the rest of my family, I’ll have to be prepared to deal with their most likely negative or at least sceptical comments. For now, I’m going to keep working hard for myself and enjoy my summer.