NAME NERDS

Why I Love Nameberry, the Baby Names Site You Never Knew You Needed

Far better than a baby-names book, it’s a living, breathing brainchild of two great authors

It happened again: someone was being a douchebag on an internet baby names forum.

I swear on my love of Funfetti it wasn’t me.

But it was hilarious, one of my favorite threads, and went something like this —

OP: I’ve been thinking about Tornadus for a boy. Thoughts?

Reply #1: Huh. Sounds like Tornado, and I’m not a fan of Stormi for a boy. You sure you’re having a boy? When is your scan??

Reply #2: NMS, but to each her own

Reply #3: Stormy is better imho

Absolutely Fucking Nobody: *knows a Pokémon character name, a “torn anus” -sounding portmanteau, or an obvious INTERNET TROLL when they see one*

The Nameberry [external link] forums are less wild now — and less accessible to random teenagers with too much time on their hands. But they’re still fascinating from a what-are-people-naming-their-kids-today perspective.

The foremost reason I love Nameberry is selfish: they gave me my first freelance writing gigs [external link]. It felt so good to have my shit published on a real website.

Even if its moderators did (incorrectly) suspect me of being the random asshole who kept typing “Bloodrayne” into the search bar — thus making it “trend.”

My love for baby names goes far deeper.

The obsession with this site and its articles, lists, and playground analyses, started way back in 20-aught-12. This was back when I was feverishly hitting up my husband for more children. He was a very good sport about the co-naming and the sperminating involved.

At first, I thought Nameberry — born in 2009 — was pretentious and over-the-top. Really? Wren? Then I googled Pam Satran and Linda Rosenkrantz, quickly falling in love with their traditionally-published books. Read: Talk [external link].

I also started to see the virtues of some of the more unusual nature names. And rediscovered some old favorites from my childhood. I got addicted to researching all monikers girly — so certain was I that we’d have another daughter.

Spoilers: We ended up with a hat trick’s worth of (well-named!) blond sons.

Our first three kids’ names are family names. We have a big-ass book of family trees and lore that my mother-in-law put together for each of her kids when they got married. But despite my combing it compulsively for more names Joe and I both liked, I had nothing.

There was a woman named Linnea something-’ruther that played the organ at some ancestral wedding in the 1920s. Sadly, Joe nixed Linnea for being “weird” and “not really a family name.” Dammit, Joe. It was in the book! To this day I maintain that Linnea matched perfectly with our daughter’s name.

Eagle-eyed readers of Sweary Mommy have noticed that our kids’ names are anonymized on Medium and Easter’s real name is not, in fact, Easter. Instead, we’d chosen an understated feminine classic I’ve always happened to love.

The quest to find three more names that complemented our family members’ was long. And I never quite gave up my love for traditional “girl” names.

Rose? “Too Golden-Girls.” Moira? “Sounds like…Moirrhea!” [For real, dude?] Tabitha! “Just…no.” Lydia? “Chylamidia.”

Wow. The “name the baby” game was eye-opening. Not only is my babydaddy closed-minded as hell about names and their schoolyard teaseability, he has a poet’s talent for rhyming.

I haven’t surfed Nameberry in awhile, but here’s what my user profile would look like today if I updated it —

Lindy, mom of: John (18) Wes (17) Easter (Almost 16) Zeke (9) Gale (7) Andy (Almost 4)

Boy Names That Got Away: Desmond Girl Names That Got Away: Audrey; Rose; Lark; Tabitha “Tibby”; Linnea “Lindy”

Even detail-oriented and overly-opinionated engiNerds like my husband can’t take Tabitha from me. I adore my stinkin’ kids and would never trade them for a lifetime supply of Funfetti. Courtesy of Nameberry our youngest three have awesome names.

But Tabitha still breaks my heart a little.

Make no mistake — there will be no. More. Babies in our family. The thought of another pregnancy is horrifying. And were my IUD to fail now, I swear on my love for Rose Nylund that I’d give that child to our friends who tried for nine years to conceive. The next time one of my close kin squirts one out, it will be — higher powers willing — a grandchild.

And while I won’t offer unsolicited naming advice to my kids or their partners, I’ll never get tired of Nameberry and its wealth of cool names.

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And for more hardcore name nerding —