Why I Live by Different Horses for Different Courses

How you can keep all your friends regardless of where you are in life.

As I was going through my early 20s, I struggled with my friendship group.

I was 23 years old and I was entering the tech industry. My job required a lot from me and one of those things was continuous learning. It eventually became a part of my life.

I was not only learning about the tech industry but I decided to learn a new language, gym became my lifestyle rather than a choice, I was travelling more.

I was on a mission to be 1% better every day.

And where I wanted more in life, my friends at the time were okay with how they were living.

I didn’t understand why they were so complacent and comfortable. I would get frustrated that they wanted to spend their money on booze and not invest it.

I struggled to see the value in my current friendship group at the time.

Why Some Friendships Do Not Last

The problem with long-term friendships is that some people believe they have to stick the friendship out because they have invested a lot of time and energy.

But what people do not realize is that you still care and love for this person, but your goals and aspirations have outgrown one another.

Outgrowing is not a crime, it’s part of life.

It also does not mean you are better than the other person.

If you fail to see the importance of individual growth in your friendship, you do not understand the true meaning of friendship.

I had friends who cut me out because I didn’t agree with some of their morals and values in life, and vice versa.

But what we all need to understand is that everybody has a different walk in life, they have their own experience, and trials and tribulations that they are overcoming.

All of these factors shape people — it determines their moral compass.

Rather than disagreeing with their choices and acts in life, we should be more understanding of why they made these choices and how we can navigate the friendship based on it.

Different Circles for Different Meals

When I was struggling with maintaining my friendship group due to a change in my lifestyle, I then met someone who told me “Don’t stress, you don’t have to cut them off. You just have different horses for different courses”.

At first, I did not understand what they meant by it but after hearing it enough, I started to realize that I don’t have to be held down by my current friendship group and I also don’t need to make them feel like they are holding me down.

I can’t and shouldn’t expect my friends to want the same things I do, and I should respect their wants and needs in life.

I cannot also expect them to share my moral compass and be upset when our opinions do not align.

I can’t expect my friends to be a duplicate of me!

And with that, I found a happy medium.

I have different friends for different courses.

I now have friends that I go out with when I need to let my hair down, friends that can give me good advice and criticism on my life choices, and friends that I can lean on in hard times.

And the expectations I have in those friendships are mutual.

We love each other for exactly who we are and we understand who we are.

We do not feel a way when we don’t receive a specific attribute from them, because we understand what we get from one another.

Since adopting this mindset with friendships, I have been able to maintain my friendships more healthily.

I can keep all my friends for different aspects of my life, and not feel bogged down by having different choices.