Why I Learned to Embrace My Pain And I Don’t Regret It
Who you are meant to be is on the other side of your pain.
When we experience a painful event, we pass through an intensely emotional process. A process that we are forced into by the slowness of reality, and which will require a lot of strength to get out. Because if we don’t, bitterness and pain will consume us.
Pain is inevitable in life. But when we go through a painful experience we quickly default to “why me.” This is because we have been conditioned to view trauma as bad.
We feel something is wrong with us and that we did something that caused the situation to happen to us. We attack and distance ourselves from everyone.
Sometimes we feel stuck that even acknowledging the pain overwhelms us, so we blame others or shut down. We try to be kind and sweet on the outside, even if we are deeply resentful on the inside.
In the psychological dimension, pain is an emotion that can arise in certain situations or problems. It affects us physically, emotionally, and mentally and lasts until the person heals. In this sense, it means accepting pain and relating it to what we feel.
As I went through my painful experiences, it soon became clear how much I needed inspirational tools on strength, resilience, and self-esteem. It is very important to gather strength and learn in good times. This lays the foundation for getting through bad times.
“Life is a mysterious mix of beautiful, challenging, and painful experiences. No one can predict how it will unfold and we don’t always understand why it unfolds the way it does.” — Akirah Robinson
What I learned from turning my pain into power
Depression is self-destructive. When I was depressed, I didn’t have the courage to do anything. Heck! I didn’t even want to dream of tomorrow.
My brain was erased. All I could see around me was darkness.
When I think about it, part of the reason for my depression was that I lost hope in the life I had imagined. As a typical African teenage girl, I learned that a happy life revolves around marrying a rich man who provides you with everything you need.
When I had an accident and could no longer walk, I thought my dreams of getting married and escaping poverty had been shattered. Living with a disability in one of the least developed countries does not offer me many opportunities.
The thought that I had lost my chances of a better life coupled with raising a baby left a deep hole inside of me. I didn’t know how to be a mum. I didn’ t have any idea how to escape the reality in front of me.
The only solution that came to mind was to end my life. I thought that if he killed me, all my worries would disappear. Poof! Just like a vapor, every bottled emotion inside me will be gone.
When we are in tremendous emotional pain, the result is likely that we are resisting our current reality. The amount of emotional pain we go through is proportional to how reluctant we are to accept the world as it is.
But if we can accept that pain, if we can see pain as a teacher pushing us to take notice of the changes we need in our life, then we will be in sync with our bodies and minds.
What are you going through right now? Does that job make you unhappy? Are you dealing with the death of a loved one? Are you going through a divorce or a breaking up? What are you not accepting in your reality?
Whatever it is, you probably wish you could have done things differently. You hate yourself because you think your life could have been better if you had handled the situation with more diligence.
The truth is that even if you did things differently, you would still hate yourself because you have built that consciousness of hating things that happen in your reality.
If you want to be at peace with yourself, accept your reality as it is. With that acceptance, you can focus on the growth mechanism to find fulfillment.
The trauma is not so bad. It makes us strong. Struggling with depression for three years changed my life. I experienced unbeatable favor and courage in the aftermath.
My experience with depression has taken me further than I ever dreamed of, and here are some lessons that can help your breakthrough.
Gratitude makes you happy
Don’t take anything in your life for granted. Tragedy can strike at any moment, but being grateful for everything that happens in your life, both good and bad, will make your suffering lighter.
Get in the habit of appreciating all of life’s blessings every day. See the beauty in everything and everyone.
Things can change in an instant. And they often do so when you least expect it. Appreciate your loved ones, your gifts, and your blessings every day.
“No one escapes pain, fear, and suffering. Yet from pain can come wisdom, from fear can come courage, from suffering can come strength — if we have the virtue of resilience.” — Eric Greitens
Pain comes with opportunity
Whatever I am today, it is all due to the challenges I have faced in my life. I have had many failures, heartbreaks, disappointments, setbacks, and tears.
I truly believe that the best people, teams, companies, and countries rise above it all and unleash their greatness in the worst moments of life.
It was during my recovery I found spiritual growth. It was the period I discovered my writing skill and other potential. I learned to speak up for myself.
Today I look back on all the most difficult days of my life with gratitude and appreciation. Without those days, I would not have achieved the success that I have now.
You see, adversity teaches us what no college degree can teach us. It teaches us the essential ingredients for success: humility, strength, hunger, guts, compassion, intellectual honesty, tenacity, work ethic, courage, learning, growth, and much more.
Nobody is perfect
We all make mistakes. We all fail. We all give up at some point. However, we must always strive to do the right thing.
If you think the mess you’re going through makes you imperfect, think again.
The problem is we get obsessed with pleasing everyone else that we forget that we are human with the ability to err.
Your integrity guides you to make the right decision. I’m far from perfect, and I still make a lot of mistakes in life, mostly due to my temperament, but when I think of my mum, I always try to honor her in everything I do.
She is my backbone through good and evil. She kept believing in me even when my future seemed bleak. When you have someone you care about, you will have the discipline to live an honest and just life.
Karma fights your battles
The law of karma rewarded good deeds with good and bad deeds with bad. Hence, the proverb, “what we sow, we reap.”
I have seen it over and over again throughout my life. Throughout my career, I’ve had people lie to me, steal from me, cheat on me, hurt me, stab me in the back, betray me, and the list goes on.
It’s easy to fall out with your principles when you repeatedly experience betrayal, but I refuse to let these bad apples affect my belief in doing good to the world. Whatever happens, I always try to be true to my conscience.
No matter what, good always defeats evil. Eventually, karma always finds a way to bless those who do good and curse those who do evil.
Forgiveness takes away your burden
It was Alexander Pope who said: “To err is to be human, to forgive is divine.” We all make mistakes. Learn to forgive those who have hurt you without them asking. Also, forgive yourself for your shortcomings.
I wish I had learned this lesson early in life. I would have forgiven my half-brother for betraying us and would have given both of them a lot of peace and love.
To forgive means to give yourself love. When you let go of all the negative energy holding you back, you feel free and happy.
Always try to see the good in others, just as you try to see it in yourself. At the end of the day, we all die. If you have not lived a happy life, you have lost all meaning of life.
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