WEEK 7 WEIGH-IN
Why I Laughed When I Stepped On The Scale Yesterday
It’s not for the reason you might think.
I didn’t want to weigh myself yesterday.
We have just come off a four-day weekend, which encompassed my birthday. And yes, there was cake.
However, there was also an extra walk, and a visit to the gym, and two mornings where I stretched, planked, and did squats (ouch!).
But there was also Saturday night, when I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror after flossing my teeth, and I just knew.
I could see it in my face. I could see it in my upper arms and shoulders. I could feel it in the tightness of my pajama bottoms.
That birthday cake? It’s almost like it was making my body expand before my eyes. I felt like I was watching myself gain weight in real time in the mirror that night.
So when I stepped on the scale yesterday? Yes, I was expecting a gain.
What I wasn’t expecting was just how much: Four pounds.
That’s right. Four pounds. In one week.
It seems extreme. It seems unjust. It seems like I should have picked up that scale and hurled it across the room in a blind rage.
But I didn’t do any of those things.
Instead, I laughed.
So… What’s So Funny About A Four-Pound Weight Gain?
Fair question. And any reasonable person would probably answer, “Nothing at all.”
I used to be that “reasonable” person.
I used to ball my fists and shake them at the scale. I used to cry when I couldn’t zip up my jeans. I have fled fitting rooms in clothing stores in fits of tears.
I used to live or die by one stupid number that I believed reflected my worth as a human being.
Which, of course, is no way to live. (Or die). I know who I am, what I am, what I’m worth. And those things have nothing to do with that number.
It’s not that I don’t care about my weight. I do. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be doing this. I want to feel fitter, lighter, and stronger. I don’t want to watch my body expand in real time before my eyes.
When I laughed at that number yesterday, I wasn’t actually laughing at the number, or the fact that I’ve gained a rather shocking amount of weight in s short period of time.
I was laughing at the fact that I wasn’t crying, if that makes sense.
I was laughing because I was proud of myself for getting on that scale, even when I knew it was going to be bad news (although admittedly I didn’t expect it to be quite so bad).
I was laughing because 10 or 20 years ago, I would have let this number on the scale ruin my day. But instead, yesterday, I just made note of the number, and then I went about my business. I walked the dog twice. I emptied the dishwasher. I wrote, and I didn’t snack on cheese and crackers while I did so.
I was laughing the laugh of victory, if not over the scale itself, than over my mindset: This weight gain, while not the result I want, is nothing to be ashamed of.
This number is not who I am.
Which isn’t to say that I don’t want that number to change.
I’m Not About To Give Up
I do want that number to change.
And the hard truth is that that probably means that I can’t eat cake, like, maybe ever, unless I plan to go to the gym and burn a million calories right after.
Because the physiology of my recently-turned 53-year old body is working against me.
But the power of my 53-year old mind?
The mind that knows that that number on the scale is a reflection of exactly nothing except the fact that I ate some cake the other night? And that knows with time and patience and determination, I can change that number… not because I have to but because I want to?
That badass is in my corner.
Week Seven Progress Report
- Pounds gained this week: 4.0
- Net Gain (Yes, Gain, not Loss): 3.0 pounds
- Pounds to go by August 31, 2024: 33
Thanks so much for reading. Please stay tuned for my weekly updates!