Why I Have Stopped Fighting With People

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Abstract

ling anxious and also wondering where his unwarranted defensiveness had come from.I grew up in a single-family household. My mum, did everything to make us happy. But, there were some things we couldn’t afford. The annual ski trip to Crans Montana or the prom were way too expensive. We didn’t go on holidays and we had to without more often times than none.My friend knows this about me.I couldn’t understand why he was so resentful and I felt very disappointed by his behavior. I was happy to have re-connected with him after all these years, but if it was to end up feeling this way around him, I wasn’t interested.I thought long and hard about our conversation during the night and kept coming back to one of Maya Angelou's famous quotes “When someone shows you who they are once, believe them”.I haven’t heeded that advice much in my life and as a result, I have found myself in the most unhappy situations.I’m not an unforgiving person, but if someone feels comfortable enough to treat you a certain way, that’s just the way they are. If you engage in that relationship further, that person will contin

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ue to treat you in a disrespectful way. So, it is important to choose your friends and those you interact with wisely.And so, that's what I’m now finally doing at the bright young age of 52. I’m making sure that the people that I have in my life, the people I spend time with, treat me right.I’ve long ago decided that I won’t change anyone — and the fact is, it’s not really my job to change anyone or help them do the work they need to do to get over their traumas or resolve their issues. I wasn’t put on earth to do that — and it feels so good for me to finally say this out loud.So yeah, I’m being really selective now, and I’m not anxious about not having enough friends.Social media gives us the wrong idea that we should have thousands of friends to be seen as successful or have made it in the world.For a while, I bought into that narrative as well. Now though, I’m just making sure that the people whom I allow to get close to me, respect me in every sense of the word.Without that, it’s thanks but no thanks, I’m not interested.Thank you for reading my perspective.</article></body>

Because I’ve made a choice to not squander my energy anymore

I had a conversation with someone I’ve known for a while. We had lost contact for over 30 years and recently began to spend time together again.

We started talking about “birthdays”, a pretty innocuous subject wouldn’t you say?

He was telling me that “birthdays” were not a really big deal in his family. As someone who hails from a family where “birthdays” are a big thing, I shared with him my plans for my daughter’s quickly approaching special day.

My friend became defensive and mentioned he couldn’t afford the stuff I was planning for my daughter’s birthday. At that moment, I stopped sharing. He sounded resentful and argumentative. I left the conversation feeling anxious and also wondering where his unwarranted defensiveness had come from.

I grew up in a single-family household. My mum, did everything to make us happy. But, there were some things we couldn’t afford. The annual ski trip to Crans Montana or the prom were way too expensive. We didn’t go on holidays and we had to without more often times than none.

My friend knows this about me.

I couldn’t understand why he was so resentful and I felt very disappointed by his behavior. I was happy to have re-connected with him after all these years, but if it was to end up feeling this way around him, I wasn’t interested.

I thought long and hard about our conversation during the night and kept coming back to one of Maya Angelou's famous quotes “When someone shows you who they are once, believe them”.

I haven’t heeded that advice much in my life and as a result, I have found myself in the most unhappy situations.

I’m not an unforgiving person, but if someone feels comfortable enough to treat you a certain way, that’s just the way they are. If you engage in that relationship further, that person will continue to treat you in a disrespectful way. So, it is important to choose your friends and those you interact with wisely.

And so, that's what I’m now finally doing at the bright young age of 52. I’m making sure that the people that I have in my life, the people I spend time with, treat me right.

I’ve long ago decided that I won’t change anyone — and the fact is, it’s not really my job to change anyone or help them do the work they need to do to get over their traumas or resolve their issues. I wasn’t put on earth to do that — and it feels so good for me to finally say this out loud.

So yeah, I’m being really selective now, and I’m not anxious about not having enough friends.

Social media gives us the wrong idea that we should have thousands of friends to be seen as successful or have made it in the world.

For a while, I bought into that narrative as well. Now though, I’m just making sure that the people whom I allow to get close to me, respect me in every sense of the word.

Without that, it’s thanks but no thanks, I’m not interested.

Thank you for reading my perspective.