Why I Hate the Question ‘What Did You Do over the Weekend?’

Is it not enough to just be?

Every Monday when I get back to work I am greeted with the question of how I spent my weekend. It's a harmless, common question but it does carry an underlying problem. The problem is that most of my weekends are unplanned and a large portion of it is spent in that rare state of rest.

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with resting however it pales in comparison to team member’s hugely entertaining stories about biking 100km and completing massive house renovations. It also carries negative connotations about me being a boring and lazy person. Not that I necessarily care but it does annoy me since I believe rest is a basic need for everyone just like food, clothing, and shelter.

Most of my weekdays are spent working two full-time jobs as an engineer during the day and as a dad to an energetic baby in the evenings. Time to rest is few and far between. Hence I look forward to the weekends. But there is a guilt that arises — ‘Should I be doing more with my weekends?’

Rest prepares you for the week

I love this quote from Gandhi

‘Give me 6 hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.’

In schools and workplaces, we are always encouraged to jump straight into a task and give it a go. However, this approach is often met with unplanned obstacles and delays. A far better approach would be to take our time to think and be still before firing on all cylinders.

Rest prepares you for what is to come. It provides an opportunity to think, plan and consider all possible options. Being still is hard. In Ryan Holliday’s brilliant book, ‘Stillness is the Key’ he talks about how great leaders like Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, and Gandhi valued the importance of slowing down and being still.

As far as I remember, my grandfather always sits in his rocking chair for a couple of hours every evening, reading and thinking. He encouraged me to make time to think. Rest gives you that time. To ponder, plan and make a sensible decision. It reduces stress in the long run and increases happiness levels.

Rest is necessary to recharge your batteries

“The most valuable thing we can do for the psyche, occasionally, is to let it rest, wander, live in the changing light of room, not try to be or do anything whatever.

As humans, we cannot keep pushing every single day. When even God rested after creating the earth, who are we to downplay the importance of rest? Just like a car battery, our bodies and souls need rest to recharge. Some would say we sleep at night and that is our rest time. But rest can be active incorporating activities like writing, painting, and cleaning. Rest can be your outlet: the one thing you do for yourself to give you more energy.

I always found it surprising how my Mum would clean and re-arrange the living room during her free time over the weekend. It was only later that I realized it was her way of resting, to recharge herself and live fully in the moment.

In our busy lives, self-care is often pushed to the bottom of the priority list and often even neglected. The consequence is increased stress levels, inability to focus, and depression.

I love this poem from Brittin Oakman which challenges the idea of needing to achieve something to feel busy.

“I lied and said I was busy. I was busy; but not in a way most people understand.

I was busy taking deeper breaths. I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy calming a racing heart. I was busy telling myself I am okay.

Sometimes, this is my busy - and I will not apologize for it.”

Rest helps you live in the moment

The most important thing that rest achieves is that it helps you live in the moment. Most of us spend around 90% of our daily lives thinking about the past or worrying about the future. Isn't it ironic that we now need meditation programs and tools to help us live in the present?

In John Hubbock ‘s ‘The Use of Life’ he says

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.”

Appreciating and enjoying nature can only be done when we slow down. Every evening after work I carry my 8-month-old son and take him out for a walk. After a while, we sit by the side of the road watching the cars zooming by. We listen to the birds chirping and the people running around us, frantically going to the next place on their packed agenda.

Famous athletes like Federer, Usain Bolt, and LeBron James prioritize rest and sleep and ensure they get 10 hours a night. They understand the importance of rest in achieving peak performance and staying in the heat of the moment. Especially at the elite level, the difference between the athletes is mostly mental and comes down to who performs best in those seconds that matter.

Conclusion

The next time you ask someone how their weekend was, pause and consider if they would like to be asked. And if you feel guilty while resting over your weekend remember the transcendent benefits it offers to your past, present, and future.

Rest prepares you for the week — FUTURE Rest recharges your batteries — PAST Rest helps you live in the moment — PRESENT

I will leave you with this piece of advice from William Wordsworth,

‘Rest and be thankful’.