Unjust Dismissal

Why I Got Fired From My Job as HR Director

I Barely Did Anything Wrong

I recently got sacked from my job as HR Director. I’ll admit, some of the things I did were an error of judgment on my behalf. But I can honestly say, I was oblivious to how damaging my behavior was as I thought I was behaving like the model professional.

I have written this to highlight some minor things you may be doing that could end in your employment being terminated. Most of this is quite subtle, so I will try and explain why this may offend people as we go.

Here are 5 things I consistently engaged in that were apparently damaging to the reputation of the company and not ‘on brand’.

1. Being rude to ALL employees

I didn’t discriminate. I was always told we should treat people equally. It didn’t matter if it was your first day, you had a speech impediment or you just returned to work after suffering a breakdown. Whatever it was, I made sure I put it to one side. Everything and everyone was fair game. I would welcome people to the office with a friendly middle finger sincerely raised at them before hurling damaging abuse from the opening bell. Some couldn’t handle it.

I have to say there was an impressive amount of tears on display. I don’t know what their problem was. You are not even allowed to make fun of people’s shortcomings or hardships in life anymore? This society is in trouble, I’m telling you.

2. Telling EVERYONE people are replaceable and the CEO is the only person that matters

I feel like people get cocky if they are not reminded daily how little they matter. To ensure we didn't employ any wiseguys or primadonnas, I was sure to create a negative office ambiance.

I constantly told everyone with a pair of ears that they were replaceable and company financial performance is the only thing that matters. I wanted everyone in the workplace to know this at all times.

It didn’t matter if it was security, catering staff, or people on work experience. All involved were told that they did not matter and were lucky to grace the same carpet each day as the CEO. He was a better human than them. His hair was better. His poos smelt sweeter. He has never suffered from morning breath. He once impregnated someone just by looking at them in a mysterious way. Did he pay child support? Did he hell. A man who is above the law. King of the castle. And the ONLY person that matters in this glorious company he built all by himself. My colleagues would never lose sight of this. I made sure of it.

3. Cutting All Costs and Opposing All Activity That Didn’t Generate Measurable Profits

I always made sure I had the business financial performance at the forefront of everything I did. It was a crying shame most other employees didn’t have the same dedication to the company as me. As we know, the easiest way to increase profit margins is to reduce costs. And I did so, relentlessly.

I billed people if they wasted any printer ink or staples. Every minute that was not used productively, I kept a note for each employee and ensured the total time was deducted from paychecks at the end of the month.

All chairs we sold and replaced with cardboard boxes. If employees complained, they would have to stare at the wall as punishment for a timeframe of my choosing. And then this time would be added to the deducted wages tracker.

I made the correct decision that computers were no longer required and a waste of money. These too were replaced with cardboard boxes, that I had made computer-shaped so employees could still do their work.

I also strongly began to belittle all business activity that didn’t have clear financial benefits including mental health campaigns and removed all benefits employees were receiving. I told the CEO that these were a waste of time and should be dropped immediately. He declined but looked great saying no so I didn't take any real offense.

4. Openly Discussing Employees Salaries

This started as a light exercise when someone I knew asked to see the salaries of everyone in their team. She was pretty mad when she saw people in her team earning more money. This lead to a heated discussion with her manager. After a firey encounter occurred and a few c-bombs were dropped, she was dismissed from her role. This was a positive outcome if you ask me as she is now out of work and has a lot more time on her hands to catch up with daytime tv and has started to stay up drinking late into the night, judgment-free. She has yet to reach out and thank me, but I know she will forever be grateful.

After seeing this success I was thirsty for more. I started to set up weekly townhall sessions, comparing the biggest pay disparities in teams and encouraging employees to get on stage and have feisty confrontations about why they should be earning more than their colleagues. I think the key to a good working relationship is good communication. It was great to see them not holding back. A few more c-bombs were delivered resulting in further dismissals, but overall I think the whole initiative was a success.

I was on a roll. I continued to share other sensitive employee information for a good laugh. This included home addresses, next of kin information, and bank statements. The GDPR brigade was quick to jump on this and did not see the funny side at all. Losers.

So what if employees have stalkers to worry about now? Everyone needs a hobby.

5. Turning Interviews Into My Own Therapy Sessions

The final straw came when I was invited to attend an internal interview as the HR representative. I was already on shaky legs at this point, due to my previous failed attempts to improve employee morale and encourage a share everything — including confidential information culture.

Talking about sharing everything, the interview turned out to be a great environment to let my hair down and get some stuff off my chest. The candidate seemed extremely interested to hear about my drinking problem, how I hate my kids, and why I am adamant the CEO owes me child support for looking at me in that way.

At one point I got the candidate to give me a head massage and tell me I matter to this company, as someone had been telling me otherwise. It was a great bonding experience and I wanted to offer them the job, but that was the point I was asked to leave and never return.

We are living in a very sensitive world at the moment and at times I feel like I am walking on eggshells. Who would have thought being rude to people and sharing sensitive documents would cause such a backlash. As I am sure you agree, I have been a bit hard done by. But don’t worry, I am going to fight this. Legal proceedings are in fruition as we speak. My Lawyer says I have no chance of winning and should drop the case immediately and move on. But what does he know?

Support my writing by becoming a Medium member on the link below:

https://unorthodoxcareerview.medium.com/membership

Your membership fee directly supports Calum James and other writers you read. You’ll also get full access to every story on Medium.