Why I Quickly Got Bored With My Affair

Never take your lover for granted

When it comes to affairs, I have high expectations.

For one, after a failed first open marriage, where I was totally honest with my husband about cheating, and had, amongst others, a 5 year long torrid adventure with a guy that really went out of his way to make me feel special — then ending it all up, dropping both husband and lover for my now second husband — it has to be worth it.

I have remained faithful for close to 19 years to this second husband. We’ve had our ups and downs, and yes, I came close once or twice. Nonetheless, I remained true to my vows. I was a changed woman, upstanding in every way. As a public figure, my business ethics became the model for every aspect of my life, and even though my marriage was lacking in support and love, I took pride in staying in my lane.

Then my mother died. And I turned 50.

It started a storm in me that I wasn’t prepared for — an existential crisis of massive proportion. I’m talking Thanos destroying the entire Marvel universe kind of catastrophe, that sent ripple effects in every area of my life. I began questioning everything from motherhood to career decisions, to yes, my marriage.

It left some of me lost, and parts of me dead. But all of me needed more.

So I went on Ashley Madison and created a profile. I chatted with some men, but most conversations were disappointing. I was not looking for sex. I have that. I was looking for a deeper connection. I almost had given up when he sent me a message.

I fell head over heals for him — literally. Our conversations were deep, witty, and funny. We connected on so many levels. He, like me, was the rock of his family but felt underappreciated. He had children so he understood the struggles that come with parenting. He was also an entrepreneur and could relate to many of my challenges. We shared a love of art and poetry and both had the same view of politics, anti-vaxxers, and the pandemic.

We exchanged pictures, a risk I don’t take lightly. I’m easily recognizable, and being discovered would destroy my career. I trusted him. We both loved what we saw.

We had a first encounter and it was fucking hot. We hopped in his van and kissed and touched for about an hour. Kissing is something I have so very much missed. My husband is great in bed, but kissing is not his forte. My lover, on the other hand, was a voracious kisser.

We fit well.

After this first hook-up, I had made my mind up. I was going to fuck that man. We met at a day hotel, it was fantastic, he came three times in two hours and I stopped counting my orgasms after five. We met a few times after that and it was just as good.

But between meetups, the messages started to become mundane, lazy even. The erotic daydreams that he had previously sent on a daily basis stopped coming and were replaced by a constant flood of when-can-I-see-you-again? texts with very little said in between.

Yes, he was into me, but he was already taking me for granted and had stopped pursuing me. Like a predator, he had caught me. He felt like he had such a good grip on me that effort was no longer needed. I was utterly let down, so much that I told him I was removing wickr for a while and disappeared.

I don’t know what I want exactly, but I am 100% sure of what I don’t want.

One of the reasons I am seeking to go outside my marriage is the fact that I feel unseen. I am just part of the furniture at this point of the relationship. There is nothing left to discover.

I’ll be damned if I end up with a lover who makes me feel the same way.

Life is too short.

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