Why I Find Acceptance an Inconvenience.

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e that I mentally teeter back and forth between. The guilt that weighs me down knowing that if something were to happen to him, I did not do enough to let him know he was loved, compared with the stress, animosity, and annoyance I feel hearing this fantasy life he claims to live.</p><p id="e7fa">Many can relate to the chaos that addiction mixed with a round of mental illnesses creates. Many can admit to having tried everything and, in the end, throwing their hands up and claiming defeat. In the thick of it, I claimed that blood was always stronger than the pain, and because he was family I would always try.</p><p id="5368">But, at what point do you choose yourself over the pain of suffering at the hands of one you cannot control? At what point do you accept the powerlessness?</p><p id="1146">For me, it started as a boundary line. A couple of minutes on the phone here and there and I had checked a box. But when our conversations became so hurtfully one sided and the subjects surrounded triggers that affected my recovery, I got angry. And the boundary turned into a giant red brick wall.</p><p id="dc5e">This anger hasn’t left me. Or, I haven’t opened the door for it to be released. I haven’t <b>accepted</b> that his lack of awareness is forever. Simply, because I am angry that I have to.</p><p

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id="665d">It is at this point that I am aware that <b>acceptance</b> of the way that he is, will bring me freedom from these resentments. But it is here that I sit, with anger in my stomach, resentment in my throat, and self-pity in my mind for knowing that this is just the way it will always be.</p><p id="b5b5">So, <b>acceptance</b> is really just a choice that I have to make, that will result in my freedom breakthrough.</p><p id="6fb0"><a href="undefined">Lola Rose</a> wrote this beautiful piece on her journey to officially letting go and settling into the passenger seat. As I resist the temptation to try and control my acceptance and filter it, I am encouraged by reading this piece to simply let go and accept what is.</p><div id="93ba" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/im-letting-go-of-control-7515e80b60f0"> <div> <div> <h2>I’m Letting Go of Control.</h2> <div><h3>Know Thyself December Prompt</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Ays8QbX9bT1MZjmgSOv2ow.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

And how I know that it is necessary.

Acceptance is the breakthrough to freedom.

My oldest brother lives with multiple illnesses that prevent the normalcy to his life and is a barrier to the typical sibling relationship that I wish we had. But through my own work of acceptance, I know that I can be free of resentment, disappointment, and frustration that I feel from the end of any conversation that I have with him.

But, acceptance in this case, is not just a long word. It is an action verb that has many subsequent action items listed below it. Starting with understanding and acceptance of the powerlessness that I hold for his life.

There is also this line that I walk between wanting to have some kind of relationship with him, and not wanting to hear from him at all. It is a place that I mentally teeter back and forth between. The guilt that weighs me down knowing that if something were to happen to him, I did not do enough to let him know he was loved, compared with the stress, animosity, and annoyance I feel hearing this fantasy life he claims to live.

Many can relate to the chaos that addiction mixed with a round of mental illnesses creates. Many can admit to having tried everything and, in the end, throwing their hands up and claiming defeat. In the thick of it, I claimed that blood was always stronger than the pain, and because he was family I would always try.

But, at what point do you choose yourself over the pain of suffering at the hands of one you cannot control? At what point do you accept the powerlessness?

For me, it started as a boundary line. A couple of minutes on the phone here and there and I had checked a box. But when our conversations became so hurtfully one sided and the subjects surrounded triggers that affected my recovery, I got angry. And the boundary turned into a giant red brick wall.

This anger hasn’t left me. Or, I haven’t opened the door for it to be released. I haven’t accepted that his lack of awareness is forever. Simply, because I am angry that I have to.

It is at this point that I am aware that acceptance of the way that he is, will bring me freedom from these resentments. But it is here that I sit, with anger in my stomach, resentment in my throat, and self-pity in my mind for knowing that this is just the way it will always be.

So, acceptance is really just a choice that I have to make, that will result in my freedom breakthrough.

Lola Rose wrote this beautiful piece on her journey to officially letting go and settling into the passenger seat. As I resist the temptation to try and control my acceptance and filter it, I am encouraged by reading this piece to simply let go and accept what is.