Summary

The author refrains from using Christian clichés when someone is in distress, advocating for empathetic listening and support instead of dismissive reassurances.

Abstract

The article "Why I Don’t Speak Christianese" discusses the author's aversion to using Christian clichés as a response to someone's vulnerability. The author argues that while phrases like "God never gives you anything you can’t handle" might be well-intentioned, they often trivialize a person's pain and oversimplify the comfort offered. Instead, the author emphasizes the importance of truly listening and being present for others in their times of need, much like how King David openly shared his struggles with God. The author suggests that allowing oneself to acknowledge and sit with difficult emotions is crucial, and that God's capacity for compassion extends to all aspects of human experience, not just the positive ones. The article concludes with the author's personal approach to supporting friends, which involves offering a listening ear and emotional space without resorting to Christian jargon.

Opinions

Christian clichés, while often well-meaning, can diminish the depth of a person's struggles and fail to provide genuine comfort.
People, including Christians, may struggle with acknowledging their own vulnerabilities and difficult emotions.
God is understood to be capable of handling all human emotions, including anxiety and sadness, as indicated by scripture.
The author believes that true fellowship involves listening and supporting others without the need to offer platitudes.
The author values the example set by King David, who was open about his struggles and did not shy away from expressing them to God.
The article suggests that casting anxiety onto God does not necessarily mean immediate resolution of problems but involves trusting in His compassionate nature.
The author's approach to supporting others is to offer presence and understanding, sometimes including prayer, but always prioritizing empathetic listening.

Why I Don’t Speak Christianese

Don’t heap Christian clichés on a person baring their soul to you. Try listening instead.

“God never gives you anything you can’t handle.”

“It’ll be okay. It’s in God’s hands now.”

“This will pass. It’s all part of God’s plan.”

I’ve heard some iteration of these phrases from fellow churchgoers during several moments in my life.

When I was at my lowest and confided in a friend for comfort, I would get a well-intentioned pat on the back and reassuring words about how this season in my life was all part of God’s plan.

And there’s nothing wrong with that. They’re right after all — our all-knowing, all-powerful God is in control.

But the problem with phrases like this, which I term “Christianese”, is that it dismisses a person’s experiences.

It reduces the comfort and love that we are meant to offer one another in fellowship to an item on a checklist.

A person has shared their pain, their doubts, their fears with you, and you’ve dealt with it by saying all of the proper “Christian” things you’re supposed to say.

You’ve reassured them of God’s goodness and reminded them of His pleasing and perfect will, so you’ve done your job in helping them move past this obstacle in life, right?

But what if that friend actually just wants you to listen? What if they want to be seen and known, and not smothered under a blanket of Christian clichés?

David says in Psalm 139:23 (NIV), “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

David isn’t afraid of laying everything he’s struggling with out on the table. He brings his pain to God and gives Him permission to sit with him through it.

This is the King David who rules Israel and conquers kingdoms. We wouldn’t expect him to have a bad day or be anxious about anything in his life. I wouldn’t think it’d be possible for the man to have a bad day, since God is constantly with him, ensuring success in everything he does.

Yet he did have terrible days. And in those moments of chaos and uncertainty, he turns to God and bares his brokenness to Him.

I think all of us, whether we’re Christians or not, struggle with giving ourselves permission to not be okay.

To allow ourselves to fall apart and just sit with the fact that our current circumstances just suck.

We also forget that we love and serve a God that can handle it all — the good, the bad and the ugly.

1 Peter 5:7 (NIV) says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

He cares for you. I love how this verse doesn’t say that He’ll magically make everything better and whisk you away from suffering, but speaks to the depths of compassion and heart of our loving Father.

So when a friend comes to me and confides about the loss of their grandma, or a test they’ve failed for the 20th time, I say,

“I know everything is awful right now. I’m here to listen. How can I best support you?”

Not a Christianese phrase in sight.

Sometimes I pray for them, but more often than not, I just listen and let them cast their anxiety onto me.

I may not be an all-knowing God, but I can be more like Him in loving others around me.