RACISM
Why I Don’t Attend Mostly White Or All-White Events (Anymore)
No thanks, I prefer my racism one on one.
A month before the pandemic began to have its way with us I attended an auction/fundraiser for the son of my wife’s friend. The event was for a good cause and I was happy to support the family. The atmosphere, however, left me a bit anxious, and uncomfortable as I don’t typically enjoy large crowds; more specifically, large crowds of white people.
One would think that I would be used to such an environment having grown up in the suburbs of Boston and yes, in my early years, I was.
Now that I’m on the back nine, my tolerance for being a fly in the buttermilk is virtually non-existent. Perhaps this is a reflection of the current times, witnessing an increase of racial hatred from the majority, or maybe I’m just not that willing to put myself in situations where something could potentially go wrong leaving me with little to no support to get through unscathed.
It has happened so I respect the instinct.
Before Covid controlled our lives, I gave up concerts and large festivals. And sporting events… a thing of the past. I had been pondering for a while the idea of giving up these live experiences for the simple fact I don’t feel comfortable being caught in a snowstorm.
Let me just add this… undoubtedly there will be a fair number of trolls waiting to pounce on this breakdown of feeling out of place in groups of white people, and frankly, I don’t care. I love ALL people but truth be told I have never experienced discrimination or any type of oppressive treatment from anyone other than members of the majority. Is this to say I have not been poorly treated by other ethnic groups… no but I have never experienced a concerted effort by another group to keep me from living my life or from benefiting from the same rights as others.
Do you belong here?
The feeling of entering a space such as a wedding, a restaurant, a sporting event, or a concert where groups of white people are congregating and me being the only person of color in attendance is like living in a Twilight Zone episode — The Last Black Man on Earth. Perceived as lowering the percentage of the purity pool is a feeling only someone who has grown up in a diverse-free environment can relate to.
The first thing I do upon entering an environment with an abundance of white people is to scan the area for other people of color. Call it an irrational or downright ridiculous strategy but knowing that there are people who look like me in the same space sets my mind at ease. We don’t have to know each other to understand the reality of the environment we’re in or how, if something should pop off (and it usually does), someone is there to have your back.
Yes, I know that not all strangers would have my back. One experience, however, all people of color can claim is having been “othered” at one point in their lives, being discriminated against, and it is because of this shared experience that we can relate and empathize.
It’s not paranoia, it’s the realization of observing fans, partygoers, or what have you rack their brains trying to figure out how I came to be present at their “place of comfort” is unsettling, but yet, commonplace.
If I’m around too many white people, I get nervous. — Chris Washington (Get Out)
Chances are, at a gathering where I’m the only Black person or one of only a few, the differences in worldview and ideology would be vast and not mirror my own.
Herein lies the problem… I’m not one to initiate conversations with strangers, however, I am a magnet for curiosity and drunken inquisitive minds looking to release some suppressed prejudice in order to amuse themselves. A lightning rod, if you will, for those who have a beef with the current zeitgeist and feel it’s their duty to target and use me as a symbol of their ire.
I’m sure you can appreciate why I would not want to put myself in such situations — why anyone would for that matter.
I certainly don’t need to be in the middle of a “hungry for justice” crowd waiting to exercise their “right” to intimidate me or keep me under control. That’s not my idea of a good time, and having been the target of the town folk ready to administer their version of community justice, no thanks… I’ll pass.
Not going back to normal
The past two years have been uncomfortable, to say the least; not having that personal interaction with folks has become unbearable. And I get it. No one enjoys having their world upended because of something beyond their control. Having to involuntarily pivot to a new way of living is not ideal but it has exposed a hidden reality that many in the Black community have known for a while.
Not having to brave the outside as frequently as before only to be exposed to targeted racial discrimination, is a welcome experience.
This is why Zoom (for instance) and working from home, have been such a gift. Why would any person of color want to go back to a toxic work environment, or go out and about where a hyper sense of fear and anger is the north star by which many these days guide their lives?
Why would we want to be harassed when trying to have a good time at a concert or at a game? Not everyone leaves you alone.
Why would we want to be accosted by a stranger who feels it’s their duty to do a little self-policing knowing they are shrouded in privilege and can get away with any type of egregious behavior they see fit.
Times are different now and if I can limit my exposure to being a target or a toxic social experiment, I will gladly do so. Yea, this is no way to live but neither is experiencing hostile prejudice while sitting next to drunken good-time killers at a football game.
Small crowds don’t bother me, the big bloodthirsty mobs are what I can do without. Over the years I’ve witnessed my fair share of “white rage riots” and know these are places I need not be around. The last few years in particular have only heightened the fervor of pissed-off people looking to control those they feel are taking over “their” space.
Being outnumbered is no fun and something I try to avoid at all costs. Difficult to do when you are Black in a white space.
I’ll stick with watching the game on TV or streaming Black Pumas on Spotify.
Thank you for reading!
Follow me on Twitter: @gcorreiawrites