Summary

The author is leaving the US for Asia to pursue a more fulfilling life, inspired by the realization that their meaningless corporate career and sedentary lifestyle were misaligned with their personal aspirations and the desire to honor their late mother's unfulfilled dreams.

Abstract

The author, reflecting on a life devoid of meaning and creativity, has decided to leave their corporate finance job and relocate to Southeast Asia. This decision comes in the wake of their mother's sudden passing, which left the author with a profound sense of grief and a determination not to repeat their mother's regrets of a life unlived. After years of living as a "robot" in a high-stress job, indulging in wine, social media, and Netflix, the author has chosen to embrace the unknown and follow their heart. They have quit their job, abandoned social media, and decided to focus on writing, a childhood passion that once served as an escape from abuse. The author acknowledges they do not have all the answers but is willing to take risks, inspired by the loss of their parents who did not truly live. The move to Asia represents a new chapter, free from toxic relationships and material possessions, and an opportunity to live authentically.

Opinions

The author views their previous corporate career as meaningless and exhausting, akin to running a daily marathon.
They believe that their mother lived with bitterness and regrets, particularly for not pursuing her passions in singing, poetry, and travel.
The author feels that their life in the US was someone else's dream, not their own, and that they were pretending to be happy.
They express a need to live life fully and not allow it to pass by unfulfilled, as they perceive happened with their mother.
The author has a strong desire to reconnect with their childhood passion for writing, which they see as a path to personal fulfillment.
They have a conviction that it is never too late to start living authentically and to make significant life changes.
The author values courage and sees the act of moving to Asia as a bold step into the unknown, akin to the actions of a hero.
They hold a belief that possessions and external success do not equate to happiness and are choosing to live with less.
The author forgives their mother for past grievances, acknowledging that these experiences contributed to their strength and resolve to live differently.

Why I Am Leaving the US for Asia

I decided to leave the US and walk into the unknown.

“If you don’t take the chance to live life, what can you say at the end of it?”— Naveen Andrews

My Meaningless Life

Recently I made some exciting life changes. I resigned from my corporate career and decided to leave the United States for Southeast Asia.

Interestingly, I did all of those things with no backup plan.

I had been working in finance for years. I was a robot clicking away at my laptop for ten hours a day. I trained new team members, dealt with angry clients, and worked in risk management/operations for the firm. I felt as if I ran a marathon every day. It was meaningless and exhausting!

Once I shut down my laptop, I would let out a huge sigh and walk into the kitchen. I would grab an entire bottle of wine and scroll on social media for hours. Next I would watch the latest Netflix series (Ozark was my favorite).

Mom’s Sudden Passing

One day as I lay in bed with a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and a bag of Lays potato chips, I began to ponder. I began to think of mom; she was so creative. Mom was a singer, songwriter, and poet. She suddenly passed away at age 46.

I thought of mom because I knew she was bitter and had a lot of regrets. Mom never became a singer, poet, or traveler. She lived just getting by.

The day my mom passed, my heart shattered into a million pieces. As her oldest, I saw her struggles, felt her loneliness, and endured her pain.

At the hospital, I was inconsolable and stricken with grief. There was so much I needed to say to her, but I would never have the chance.

It was too late.

I was her firstborn and the last one to let go of her lifeless hand in the hospital that evening. I tearfully kissed her cold forehead one last time and walked away.

I prayed to God that I would not end up like her.

Now I was in my apartment on a Monday evening hating everything about life. I am in my 30’s; my mom was in her 40’s. Then it all clicked.

If I died suddenly, would I be happy with the life I lived?

The answer was no.

Courage to Move On

That evening, I decided to start living. I no longer cared about making money, going to brunches, or climbing the corporate ladder. I could not sit there and allow this life to pass me by. I could no longer pretend to be happy.

The life I was living was someone else’s dream, not mine.

So I quit my job, social media, toxic relationships, and even Netflix; I left it all.

The day I resigned, I ran into my local pub and screamed, “I quit my job!” Everyone cheered and celebrated with me. I was finally free.

Next I went deep within myself to figure out what to do.

Then I remembered I used to write when I was a little girl. Writing was my escape from abuse. So I bought a journal and started writing.

A New Chapter

A hero is somebody who voluntarily walks into the unknown. — Tom Hanks

As I immersed myself in my passion, I knew what to do. It was time for me to start a new chapter and boldly walk into the unknown. I decided to eliminate 99% of my possessions and follow my heart. That was when I decided to stop making excuses, face my fears, and relocate to Asia to focus on writing and other projects.

The truth is, I do not have all the answers, but I am willing to take the risk. I have lost my mom, father, and step-father all under 60 years old. The saddest part is they truly never lived.

The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are. — Chauncey Depew

The Words I Never Said

Dear Mom,

I know you are no longer here with me, but I wanted you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you for not loving me properly. I forgive you for allowing those men to abuse me. I forgive you for never telling me that you loved me. I know you did, you just didn’t know how to say it. I forgive you for making me feel unattractive. I forgive you for shoving religion down my throat to control me. I forgive you for never calling me when I went away to college. I forgive you for allowing my step-father to stay in our home after I told you what he did to us. I forgive you for not protecting me. I forgive you because now I understand that it was all a part of my life journey. If you had been any different, I would not be the brave warrior I am today.

I love and miss you.

Farewell, Ari