MY FRIENDS SERIES
Why Friendships Falter and Fail
Nothing lasts forever, right?
After reading estow76 (Esther) stories about her losing her best friend after a lifetime, I thought about my friendships. The first friendship to bite the dust was that of me and my best friend of more than 30 years. We made friends after our first marriages. We both remarried and had more kids but stayed best friends even though we moved away from each other geographically.
When I moved back to Brisbane, our kids were grown up and we started travelling together — mostly cruises but we did have a month in a group of six travelling the UK and Ireland in 2006. When she joined my family for a four-month trip around Europe in 2011, it was the beginning of the end of our friendship.
Seeing too much of each other
We usually saw each other once or twice a week when she would call in for a cuppa on her way home from work. Her conversation was always negative–complaints about her job and her kids never inviting her around when they have barbecues, and she had to sit home on her own on Saturday nights. I felt sorry for her, so would take her to a singles dance. I always had a ball, but she sat glaring daggers at anyone who looked her way. It’s no wonder no one asked her to dance.
But once a week for an hour or two is a lot different than travelling together 24/7 for four months. Her negativity really got to me. She was reluctant to try any new foods and ordered spaghetti bolognese everywhere we went.
Money
It wasn’t just money, but that was part of it. I sometimes paid for my daughters’ shares, but she expected me to pay her share as well. The most annoying thing was she followed me around like a lost dog and I didn’t get a moment to myself. She refused to research any of the places we were going nor have any input into what she’d like to do or see. She had an inability to be independent or make a decision without conferring with me. She didn’t have a credit card nor any cash, so her daughter transferred her $500 a week. She was always short of money the whole trip.
The final straw came in the last week of our time together. She had seen some lovely rings in an antique store and begged me to come to look at them to help her decide which one was prettiest. I obeyed and went to the store. They were both gorgeous, and I told her so. I secretly decided whichever one she chose, I’d buy the other.
And you know what she did? After sponging off me the whole trip, she bought both. They weren’t cheap! The good friend that I am, I didn’t say anything. She flew home the next day. I texted her to see if she arrived home safely but never heard back. She didn’t text me to ask if I had arrived home either.
That was ten years ago. We’ve spoken twice since then — once at the garden shop. I thought I’d be the bigger person — after all, we’d been friends for more than thirty years — and offered an olive branch. I invited her to call in to my place for coffee on her way home from work. She never did. She drove past my house every afternoon.
The next time we spoke was at the coffee shop. She was with her daughter and I was with mine, having a coffee and muffin. We all conversed about nothing for a few minutes before they walked away. I haven’t heard from her since.
