Why friends and family hear Stay-at-home Mom when I say home-office?
5 tips for surviving home-office “little work death” and the 5 sneaky questions freelance writers get every day.
Everybody knows home-office freelancers watch Netflix all day long. Women especially! Men are consultants, they sound far more experts.
Julie, my sister-in-law gave me prior warnings. There’s nothing easy in making people understand that working at home is genuine work. She has a PhD, and full capacity to lead teams into criminal law abstruse research. So, if she struggles to get the message across that prepping international colloquiums, or writing “a critical study of terrorist incriminations” is a lot more complicated than delivering a lecture to first-year brats at Uni, who am I to pretend I can do it?
Last Friday marked my new life birthday. A month has elapsed since I handed over the keys to my office, a sort of social café where my employees had been lining up for three years to discuss — and solve — their problems. Before that, there was another office and another office. I belong to this variety of managers, team players, troubleshooters, solution makers. Lunch breaks, not for me! I used to have responsibilities, and it showed. My new status as a Freelance writer looks less patent to the untrained eye of people unaccustomed to seeing me hanging around at home. Truth is, I do dress up and put on makeup every day, though. A matter of principle!
Sound familiar? No doubt, every self-employed home-officing mother (father too!) has once faced the same naïve or hurtful questions as I did.
- “You don’t answer your phone? Surely, you are filtering me to watch The Crown.”
This furious SMS landed on my cellphone, a couple of weeks ago, at 11.30AM from a friend enjoying a Friday break. She wanted to chat, I didn’t have time enough. And she got upset. She was not entirely wrong: I was watching Netflix. The Goop Lab. On business purpose, I swear, and pseudo-therapeutic doses (proofs here). Gone are my days of filtering calls in meetings and looking dedicated to my job for that!
2. “Still have a houseworker?”
This issue raised a passionate conjugal debate when we both realized my new activity would split my paycheck in two. We needed to cut expenses, so Hubby wisely suggested getting rid of the cleaning lady, the Wednesday nanny, and, why not, the after-school care. After all, I’d be home every day… As a pragmatic and understanding man, he soon recognized that one doesn’t write a best-seller when they take on all child-sick days, medical appointments, and the whole litany of administrative tasks for the entire family.
3. “Didn’t you convert to homemade cooking?”
Touching children’s dietary health equals guilt at the cleat. Apologetically, I confess that Cyril Lignac has not quite yet found his way to my Ladybugs’ lunchbox. Organic is my perfection’s pinnacle. I still face cuts in my laundry circuit from time to time, causing clean socks shortages and extended delays in favorite foods supply chain.
4. “Why don’t you teach tennis to your daughters yourself?”
Not a recent issue, to be fair. I am a wheelchair tennis Paralympian: I am supposed to be the best coach for my girls. Whether I don’t want to turn my mother-daughter relationship into an educational brawl, no one cares. When I started remote work, I also became a piano and an English teacher. Next year, I will undoubtedly get promoted to being a full-time 1st-grade teacher when we relocate to London, but this is another story I save for later.
5. “Party night? Isn’t that twice this week you’re going out?”
My craving for a decent talk with grown-ups, not revolving about cooking ideas or school infractions, seems to be an ultimate sacrilege. Considering my husband is away all week long, my only landmark is the mailman when he has registered mail for me — not happening much! I don’t even go to the next-door-bakery. Monsieur makes bread all by himself when he is home. So, sometimes I call a babysitter and head out to have a good time on my own. Apparently, this is not a comment-free territory, either!
You’ve heard these questions too, haven’t you? And you are sinking into a heap of guilt? Try one of these tactics:
- “The magic of not giving a F*ck” concept.
My life has changed since I randomly heard a Ted Talk by Sarah Knight (Get the book here), and decided to take action with my own scheduling processes. When you are self-employed, time management is crucial, taking responsibility for your choices is vital. Here is tip number 1 (and 2, 3, 4, and 5: they are all ending the same way): manage your time and be assertive! You (only you) know what you’re worth.
2. Focus on self-evaluation, it works!
I’m experienced enough — and unbiased — to evaluate the quality and quantity of my work, especially since I have a nasty tendency towards perfectionism and hyperactivity. To survive offensive remarks, I have retrieved control of my schedule. I need to work, I make sure I spare time and energy to work. I need a break, I give myself a break. Seems simple? Just try it!
3. Pauses are sacrosanct!
I have a serendipitous brain. Hey, Twitter says it is Chris Martin’s birthday today, how about I listen to Everyday Life and celebrate? Clearly, multiple and diverse activities are a basic need for me. So, I take regular breaks to avoid distractingly surfing the web at all times. I don’t compromise with my piano 20-minutes course and my daily meditation haven. I value lunch breaks, sometimes with a friend outside the house. In the end, I “actually” work five to six hours a day, but they are full and productive.
4. Thoughts often cross outside delimited pathways: catch them all the minute they pop in your mind.
I carry a notebook with me — today, it’s called an iPhone — a precious companion for my lost hours. My ideas come when I play the piano, when I walk, when I watch a cooking show: I write them down. I correct full chapters in my head while cooking for my family, so I dictate everything to Alexa. At the end of the day, all these tiny bits add up to a few extra hours of work.
5. Save time!
To read, stroll in the rain, listen to music, look around, and meet people. Curiosity is a powerful performance driver: don’t let work at home lock you in. On the contrary, push the boundaries. Get out!
Tonight, the housewife has treated herself with a James Blunt gig, right under the nose of COVID-19 and disgruntled spirits. Have fun, fellow Freelance mates!
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Florence Gravellier is a writer, speaker, Paralympian, mother of twins, and constant dreamer. She earned bronze twice in Beijing 2008 in wheelchair tennis. Her many life struggles fostered a strong temper, a passion for self-awareness, and a desire to empower young women to live a great life. Reach out on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and on her website which features work in French and in English.
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