Why Forgiveness Is a Mindful Act of Self-Kindness
When we forgive, we give ourselves the permission to move on
“To err is human, to forgive divine,” said the English poet Alexander Pope.
Fallibility is an essential human trait. We commit errors, both intentional and unintentional.
Our roles can change between a victim and a perpetrator in the course of our lives. Today’s victim may become tomorrow’s wrongdoer.
When we are the victims, we get angry and want to punish the offender. We want to retaliate and see the wrongdoers suffer.
Why we should forgive the wrongdoers
Forgiveness is all about ourselves. The perpetrators may not even know or understand what we are going through because of their wrong actions.
There three ways in which people respond when somebody harms them.
- Carry the anger and resentment inside them throughout their lives.
- Retaliate by harming the perpetrator in some way.
- Forgive the person who committed the offence and move forward.
In the above scenarios, it’s assumed the wrongdoers either have not apologised or are not aware of how the victims have suffered.
Let’s see what happens when we respond in the above three ways.
1.Carrying lifelong bitterness
Anger, especially when it’s seething and unresolved, is very corrosive, physiologically, psychologically, and spiritually.
Anger is bad for the heart and it messes up with our blood pressure. People lose their sense of humanity under the influence of anger.
Angry people cannot show empathy to others. Their relationships suffer.
Anger is an emotion of the lower self. It prevents us from reaching out to our Higher Self, which is the gateway to achieving spiritual growth.
A resentful person can never trust others and people stop trusting angry people because they carry a bad aura around them. Angry people attract negativity into their lives.
Impotent and vindictive anger is a slow poison that will eat into our vitals.
2. Taking revenge on the offender
Some people act on their anger and retaliate against their tormentors in some ways.
An eye for an eye makes everybody blind. There is nothing redeeming about vengeance.
Vindictive action may harm not only the wrongdoer, but also others, the collateral and unintended victims of blind hatred.
When we act vindictively, we invite more trouble as the transgressor-turned-victim- may retaliate, starting a new cycle of violence and counter violence.
We invite more bad karma into our lives by harming others. Victims are not divine arbiters who inflict punishment on wrongdoers.
Vengeance can never achieve a full closure.
However, the victims have the right to proceed legally against the perpetrators, depending on the context.
3. Victims forgive the wrongdoers
Forgiveness is an act of nobility and magnanimity. Forgiveness does not come naturally to us. It’s a conscious decision mediated by our Higher Self.
There is no need that we should convey out forgiveness to those who harmed us. It’s an independent decision we make to move on with our lives.
Forgiveness is not only showing kindness to the perpetrators; it’s an act of self-care and self-kindness.
The victims benefit the most from a pardon. They release themselves the shackles of lifelong bitterness and resentment.
“ To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” (Lewis B. Smedes)
Unresolved anger is a toxin that harms our physical and mental health.
Forgiveness is strength, not weakness.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”(Mahatma Gandhi)
This story is in response to Ali Hall’s October 2022 prompt “Forgiveness” for the “Spread the Ripple” publication. Here is the original story calling for submissions on the prompts:
Please read Jodie Tedder’s powerful story about radical forgiveness:
Final thoughts
Forgiveness is more about the peace of mind and well-being of the victim than the guilt, remorse or punishment of the offender.
The law may or may not catch up with the wrongdoers. The Law of Karma may or may not punish the perpetrators in the victim’s lifetime.
The victims have no responsibility to monitor the lives of the perpetrators; their responsibility is to avoid anger and retaliation so they can live peacefully without being influenced by toxic negative feelings.
Forgiveness is the ultimate act of goodness.
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