Why Failing Is Good For You

Silver linings to failing horribly in life and being met with constant rejection

“Life is difficult because we don’t appreciate the things that come easily.” -Invajy

I’ve been thinking about this quote a lot recently. It illustrates a catch-22. We could all be content if we just appreciated the simple things in life, if you don’t believe me, just look at a cat laying in a beam of sunlight, content af. But if a magic genie appeared and offered us the chance to switch places with that cat, almost no one would take him up on the offer. Why? Because humans find more appreciation in things that don’t come easy, hence why life is difficult.

Humans find joy and happiness from overcoming a challenge that's been bugging them for months, from summiting a mountain that not everyone and their grandma could climb. Happiness is so much more than mere contentment.

But we can quickly lose sight of this when we are caught up in rejection and perceived failure. It's hard to feel happy when you’ve been turned down for the 20th time. Whether applying to jobs, giving a sales estimate, or even asking someone on a date, rejection stings!

After all, from the moment we try to take our first steps, we are taught that success is the ultimate goal, parents get worried and assume something is wrong if their baby isn’t walking by the age of two… not that I’d know from experience 🙄. We are led to believe that failure and rejection are linked. But what if I told you that failure is absolutely essential to a life of meaning and happiness?

There are overlooked benefits and silver linings that can only be discovered through disappointments and set backs. The beauty of silver linings is that they force us to reevaluate our perspectives and beliefs. They help us find wisdom and joy that we never would have found if everything had just gone according to plan.

What Cheatcodes in The Sims Can Teach Us About Life

Did you ever play the game The Sims growing up? In The Sims, you take on the life of a miniature virtual character, build it a house, get it a job, form relationships… basically everything you would do in real life. After a while though, I began to get bored with the slow pace of the game and looked up a cheat code for unlimited money.

Once I was rolling in Simoleons (The Sim’s virtual currency) the sky was the limit. I was building my Sim an extravagant mansion with all the swimming pools, exercise equipment, and fancy artwork they could imagine! But then something interesting happened, I lost all motivation to play The Sims. I restarted the game and embraced the grind (and months of my real life tending to my little fake life flew by, but that’s another story).

Translate this to real life, imagine a life where everything you did turned to gold. Every job you applied to hired you on the spot, every crush asked you out and wanted to marry you immediately, and every sale went off without a hitch. It sounds great for a little while. Hey, I could embrace this charmed existence for maybe even a couple of years. But eventually we would get bored. Without failure there is no growth, without rejection there is no hard-earned victory.

So the next time you fail at something, get your but kicked in pick-up basketball, or get turned down for a date or promotion, remember, if everything came easy, life wouldn’t be as fun.

Forming Calluses

“You will face many defeats in life, but never let yourself be defeated.” -Maya Angelou

Think about the first time you tried riding a bike. You wobbled, you fell, and you scraped up your knees. But with each fall, you gained a little balance. Eventually, it became second nature, and today, you don’t even have to consciously think about how to ride a bike, you just hop on and go. This was an early lesson on how failure led to growth and development of a new skill. Similarly, every rejection and failure we face in life gives us the opportunity to grow and become better versions of ourselves.

Resilience — that elusive quality that we admire in others but feels so hard to cultivate in ourselves… but again, it’s another catch 22. Those people we admire would never have developed that thick skin unless they too had dealt with the pain of failure. It’s a quality you can’t just pick up in a store, like anything it requires practice. However, with resilience, the only opportunity to practice it is when you are feeling that sting of defeat. So the next time you get rejected or feel a sense of failure say to yourself,

“This is a rare opportunity to develop my resilience!”

The Gift Of Clarity

As Mick Jagger famously sang, “You can’t always get what you want, But if you try sometimes you just might find, You get what you need.” When we don’t get the job we wanted, the college acceptance we expected, or the relationship we imagined, we’re met with an opportunity to pause and reflect. These moments force us to reevaluate our goals, future, and what’s really important to us in life.

In 1975, a then 26 year old Meryl Streep had never been in a movie, she was asked by Dino De Laurentiis’ son to audition for his father’s new movie King Kong. When they arrived Dino asked his son in Italian why he brought this ugly woman, not knowing Meryl Streep knew Italian!

Meryl could have easily been crushed and quit acting. Instead, she reevaluated and decided to move away from auditioning for the damsel in distress/bombshell roles and instead audition for characters with more depth. Just three years later she would be nominated for an Academy Award for the movie The Deer Hunter and went on to be nominated for a record setting 21 Academy Awards in her career (so far).

J.K.Rowling started two novels, but scrapped them both without finishing them. She easily could have gotten stuck on those two initial concepts. Forcing herself to try and finish them or rewrite them again and again. Luckily she didn’t! Instead she moved on from her failure, reevaluated and came up with a new story. From there she went on to write the Harry Potter series, and is currently the richest writer in the world with a net worth of $1 billion.

What can feel like failure can end up leading to our biggest successes. The chance to pivot and aim for bigger and better things that are more aligned with our true, authentic self can be the ultimate silver lining.

Fueling Determination

In the previous section we looked at examples where it made sense to pivot, however, failure can also lead you to double down and work harder towards a deeply personal goal. Movies like King Kong weren’t meant for Meryl Streep, and she was able to pivot into her authentic life path by acting in roles with more depth. However, sometimes we fail at something intimately tied to our passion and purpose.

For example, when Steve Jobs was kicked out of his own company, Apple, he didn’t leave the tech sector. He regrouped and created Next and Pixar before returning to Apple and bringing the floundering company back to its former glory. If you know something is genuinely meant for you, failure can give you that extra drive and determination you might not have had access to otherwise.

When the Bulls lost to their rivals, the Detroit Pistons in game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals (89–90 season), Michael unlocked a new, higher, gear. He was back on the court training like he’d never trained before. He ran his team ragged and let his fury fuel his desire to defeat his nemesis, Isiah Thomas. In the 90–91 season the Bulls would get their revenge. Like the previous two seasons, they would meet their rivals in the Eastern Conference Finals, only this time, they swept them!

Underdog Connections

Failure and rejection are experiences that bind us as human beings. They remind us that we’re not alone in our struggles. In fact, they pave the way for deepened empathy and connection with others. When we share our stories of failure, we create a space for vulnerability and authenticity, allowing others to open up about their own challenges. Think of a friend who confides in you about their failed attempts to get a job. As you listen and share your own stories of disappointment, a bond forms — one that’s rooted in shared experiences of vulnerability. This connection goes beyond the surface and fosters relationships built on understanding and compassion.

As a bonus silver lining, everyone loves an underdog. In 2012 Greg Merson had spent years battling a drug addiction but had recently gotten sober. He was playing the best poker of his life and had even managed to win a WSOP bracelet earlier in the series. However, in the biggest tournament of the year, the WSOP Main Event, his stack had started to dwindle. At one point he was down to under 3 big blinds, which meant he was in serious jeopardy of being knocked out of the tournament. However, miraculously, he was able to not only survive, but turn things around. He would go on to win the entire tournament defeating 6,598 entrants and as an extra sweetener, his victory in the Main Event propelled him into a first-place finish for the 2012 WSOP Player of the Year.

Innovation From Failure

Innovation rarely stems from sticking to the tried and true. Instead, it’s born from a willingness to experiment, fail, and pivot. One of the most classic examples is the invention of the lightbulb.

Edison’s team had run roughly 1,200 experiments, comprising of hundreds of different materials, before finally discovering the magic combination. Taking over 14 months, they failed again and again but never gave up. Had they been unwilling to experiment and try new materials, we may never have had access to the lights we use today.

“I haven’t failed — I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” — Thomas Edison

Failure often leads to innovation. When we’re turned down or our ideas are dismissed, we’re prompted to think outside the box and explore new concepts or processes. Maybe the first person who invented the wheel sucked at carrying heavy things. If you find you are failing at the traditional way of doing something, try and think outside the box and come up with an innovative solution instead.

Final Thoughts

With every failure or rejection comes a silver lining. A chance to learn, connect, or pivot. Rather than dwelling on our failures, let’s view them as an opportunity for growth. Failure and rejection are not the end; they’re the stepping stones to a better future. I’ll close with a great quote from the author Mark Manson,

“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”

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