Emotional Intelligence
Why Empaths Have To Struggle To Survive
Empathy is not as easy as it sounds
We were watching TV when a contestant (in a previously recorded quiz show) said she was from Bergamo. My friend who is extremely empathic said worryingly:-
“ Oh, I hope she is still alive, given that there have been so many COVID-19 deaths in that town.”
This remark was also because he has a friend in Bergamo who said that there had been 34 deaths in his street alone!
But apart from this geographical link, my friend is definitely an empath. This is one of his many great qualities. I am also an empath but he is streets ahead of me.
If you are empathic you listen and are compassionate and usually reach out to extend sympathy and also lend a helping hand when needed. This is also known as EQ (Emotional intelligence quotient.) If you are in any doubt, why not take the EQ test here.
An empath can understand and also feel what people are experiencing when they are facing hard times, grief, disappointment, or any of the other distressing emotions. It is interesting to note the etymology of the word “empathy” which has its origins in two Greek words:-
empatheia = passion
pathein = to experience.
My friend is also a HSP (highly sensitive person) in that he notices fine textures and faint noises that most of his friends are never even aware of. Very often a HSP is also an empath.
How come there are people who are more empathic than others?
Research suggests that the brains of empaths react more strongly when they are faced with certain emotions. They take on board the pain of others, often at their own expense. They almost take ownership of them and feel anger and anxiety on behalf of the person suffering.
Now empathy is a great quality and a wonderful way to help friends, family, or partners in need. But, often people take advantage and we need to stand back a bit. Otherwise, we risk being overwhelmed by a tsunami of emotions and feelings.
1. We cannot say ‘no’.
Empaths have great difficulty in saying no, even when people make excessive demands on their time. My friend is a perfect example of this. I have seen too many people “exploit” his empathy. I have told him so many times:-
“No is a complete sentence.”
It is not as simple as that. Many negative and toxic people are out there ready to suck an empath’s time and energy. Time to define limits and boundaries. Empaths are not on this planet to make other people happy.
One useful tip is to play for time when asked for help. Also, I try to stand back and make a calculation of how much of my energy and personal space are at risk.
2. We feel overwhelmed.
Close friends and family going through bereavement are high on the empath’s list and this is all to the good. The problem becomes acute when the empath is so involved that it prevents them from being helpful in some practical ways.
I find that if I am weighed down too much, I will not be a strong pillar of support. I have to be the best I can be for them.
3. We are sponges for the world’s suffering.
I often try not to watch the TV news as migrants, hungry children and people dying of COVID-19 are flooding me with emotions. It is great to be a compassionate human being and the world has failed miserably in trying to help millions and millions of people in desperate need.
Empaths can easily feel overwhelmed and become sponges for the world’s suffering.
The best way is to drastically reduce the time we spend watching TV news and also resisting the urge to get the latest when we are online. I am still hopeless at this!
4. Physical empaths.
This is where empathy goes to a whole new level. It is not uncommon for physical empaths to actually feel similar physical symptoms. If a friend is suffering from a splitting headache, the physical empath can feel tension in their head.
“Physical empathy is when you’re attuned to other people’s physical symptoms, and you tend to absorb them into your own body,” Dr. Orloff (author of The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People.)
There is one great advantage if you are a physical empath. You can also feel a person’s energy and positivity when they are committed to improving their cooking, fitness, or garden. Time to jump on board with them and be energized too if you share their goals.
5. We are super sensitive.
As well as having a super-sensitive radar about what a person wants and needs, many empaths are somewhere on the HSP spectrum as being super sensitive in the physical sense. This certainly applies to me.
My sense of smell is extremely sharp and I also tend to be disturbed by bright lights and I don’t like rough fabrics next to my skin. This is typical of empaths and I know one person who wears undershirts inside out so that the seam does not irritate him.
6. Many leaders fail.
Any manager or leader needs to pay attention to what their teams need. The level of empathy and EQ among managers is startlingly low. The Business Solver’s 2019 survey shows that while the majority of CEOs agree that empathy is important, the statistics tell a different story!
These figures show that while 90% of CEOs are convinced of the crucial role that empathy plays, the number of employees who actually agree this is the case is only 72%. More importantly, about 25% of the workforce staff surveyed feel that they do not truly belong or are sufficiently engaged.
Management, it seems has quite a long way to go as regards uniting staff around shared goals and making them happier and more fulfilled in the workplace.
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” ― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird
Additional resources:-
The Evolution of Empathy by Fran de Waal.
How Important Is Empathy To Successful Management
You may enjoy other workplace stories I have written:-