Why Embracing Your Weirdness Makes You A Sexier Person
Authenticity draws people to you like a magnet
When I was a kid, my desire to fit in would’ve scared off literally everyone.
I wreaked insecurity and was determined to fit in at all costs.
When I was in school in the UK, ‘fitting in’ looked like short skirts, super-straight hair, and Jane Norman schoolbags, finished off with excessive eyeliner and shoes so flat they’d make any good chiropodist cry.
From the age of about 13, the opinion of our peers becomes more important than that of our parents, and many of us face insecurities fuelled by adolescent hormones and a deep desire to not stand out.
As we get older, many (but certainly not all) of us become more comfortable in our own skin and begin to authentically express ourselves.
It took me a long time to do this. Once I got to university, there was a whole new crowd to fit into and a different way of dressing, so I changed myself.
When I got into relationships, I would turn into a chameleon, aligning myself with their beliefs and values.
They liked the mountains? I liked the mountains.
They loved skiing? I loved skiing.
They were obsessed with John Mayer? Sure, I like John Mayer too. (This one stuck, I do love him to this day)
After I walked away from a toxic workplace and ended an unhappy relationship, I had an epiphany of sorts.
I was alone and poor.
But I felt the happiest I’d felt in years.
How strange it is, that what should have been one of my darker moments was filled with joy and a sense of self-belief that I hadn’t had for, well, as long as I can remember really.
Why?
Because all I had was myself. And when you return to yourself, you wake up and start working out what it is that YOU want.
We fit ourselves into all kinds of shapes for other people, doing things we don’t feel comfortable doing, dressing a certain way, and acting like someone we’re not because we’ll do anything to get other people to like us.
But what others like most, is unapologetic authenticity.
Be yourself and the right people will be drawn to you like the magnetic human you are.
Being authentic makes you sexy
Other people pick up on your authenticity.
Have you ever met someone who just radiates good energy?
You can’t put your finger on it, but there’s just something about them.
We intrinsically find authentic people sexy because of one thing: confidence.
Confident people are secure in themselves, comfortable being expressive, and able to brush off criticism like a boss.
Confident people don’t need their egos boosting, nor do they give off *that* needy energy that turns off literally everyone.
My own journey to authenticity started with a breakup
At the end of a two-year toxic relationship, I took a deep dive into the ‘Self’. I realised that the only person who was responsible for my happiness was me.
One thing I learned was that I don’t like drinking alcohol. In my younger years, I’d just go along with it.
Not anymore.
At first, this caused some tension and negative comments from people in my friendship group, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let someone else dictate what I put into my body. No thanks.
I also learned that I adore moving my body and taking of myself. It’s a non-negotiable for me.
By far the most important thing I learned was how to speak up for myself.
I was terrified of this as a kid. Once I developed my confidence and learned to show up as the most authentic version of myself, I realised that closed mouths don’t get fed. Closed mouths don’t effectively communicate their needs, closed mouths don’t get promoted, and closed mouths don’t stand up for themselves.
But that doesn’t mean you need to be a big mouth to be authentic.
Authentic people don’t need to show off
A while ago I wrote an article about how fucking annoying braggy people are. Generally, psychologists agree that braggarts are insecure and unhappy, belittling others, subconsciously or otherwise, to make themselves feel better.
In my experience, truly authentic people aren’t the ones telling people how brilliant their lives are.
They don’t need to!
When you’re showing up as the most unapologetic, authentic version of yourself, your need to impress other people diminishes.
After all, you have no reason to seek approval now.
People love that because you’re the truest version of you.
We hate being lied to, it’s in our very nature to feel cheated when someone deceives us. So then, if someone’s putting on a show or ‘chameleoning’, often we can pick up on it — and it just feels a bit… ‘icky’.
Tapping into your authenticity and owning your sexiness
The thing I adore the most about my now-partner is his ability to walk into any room and hold himself well.
He knows who he is and his grounded confidence is what attracted me to him so much in the first place. He doesn’t need to be anyone else or pretend to have more than he has to feel superior. He’s just him.
And that’s made him a hugely successful person.
Authenticity stems from joy
You tap into your authenticity by leaning into the things that bring you joy.
The things that set your heart on fire or give you a strange sense of home, or her longing.
For me, that looks like snorkeling in the ocean, outdoor pursuits, fitness, great food, and spirituality.
For you, it might look like gaming, film trivia, running, weightlifting, reading, golf, coin collecting, chocolate, photography — You get the idea.
I want you to answer this question with the first thing that comes into your mind.
What it is that you truly love?
The things that come straight to the front of your mind don’t get there by accident.
The longer you think about the answer, the less authentic your response becomes.
Write down what your inner voice says and take a look at your immediate responses.
When was the last time you experienced joy through doing something you love?
YOU is the operative word here because we often fail to tap into our own authentic needs when we’re constantly thinking about whether we fit in, or whether our needs are as important as others.
They are!
When I was single, I realised that doing fun things alone, like learning a new hobby or going somewhere new, actually made me feel nervous.
Not because I felt unsafe, but because I was so hyperaware of myself that I didn’t know what to do.
This can look like everything from being so terrified of being stared at during a new gym class that you don’t go at all, not eating in social situations because you feel like people are watching, and even dressing in a way that you think other people will prefer when you know in your heart of hearts that you want to whip out those bright pink sparkly Converse.
I refer to Mel Robbins in a lot of my articles, but her content helped me a great deal to overcome this worry about what other people thought.
Fast-forward four years and I have a profound level of confidence I never thought possible, and an ability to step up to anything I put my mind to, because I know what brings me joy, and I follow it.
Get happy by being grateful
Seems like everyone has a gratitude journal now. It’s a bit of a hype, but for good reason.
Practicing gratitude doesn’t mean you have to drop £30 on an Instagram-worthy notebook and then proceed to tell everyone about it.
Writing it down helps, but it doesn’t need to be fancy.
Use a whiteboard, some scrap paper, a post-it note, or even a napkin!
Sometimes I don’t even write down what I’m grateful for. I just think about it.
It’s become such a habit that moments of gratitude crop up frequently in my life frequently now.
When you get into bed, think about the things, people, and moments that bring you joy and how lucky you are to have experienced them.
When you’re out and about and see someone less fortunate than you, be grateful for the things you DO have, even if that’s not much.
I’ve had moments in life of real turmoil and struggle. It’s moments like these that practicing gratitude counts the most.
If you can see something positive in every single situation, you take a step closer to a better feeling thought.
And eventually, you start feeling more like yourself.
A few final takeaways
Don’t ever be afraid to show up as your authentic self.
Your quirks are unique to you and only you – that’s pretty special considering there are over 7 billion people on the planet.
When you stop caring about what other people think, life gets a hell of a lot more enjoyable.
You stop stressing over things that don’t matter, you feel happier and more content, and you start attracting the right people to you like a magnet.
Find what it is that you love, and fearlessly get used to embracing the things that light you up until it becomes second nature.
You can do it.
Happy healing,
A x
