Why Dreams Don’t Come True

Your life is not a movie even though it may feel like one

People often make the mistake of assuming that because they have these amazing dreams, ideas, and good intentions, that somehow the universe will conspire to make things happen for them.

I bet you’re probably familiar with this soothing quote from Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist:

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

But the truth is, life doesn’t always work that way. Our dreams and aspirations can be cute and all, but that doesn’t guarantee anything.

‘Dreams come true’ is a popular theme. And every one of us, sincerely believes in our heart that our dreams will come true. Why shouldn’t we, ‘Destiny’ is on our side. For all that we know, we are the Protagonists in this unfolding story called Life. Life itself is like a movie, and it is us who are at the center of it all. Life is happening to and around us, and we are the ones doing the narration in our heads. It is all about Us.

As you may have observed in your favorite movies, the Protagonist tends to win at the end of it all. So, since we are the ones doing the narration, the story is about us, and as such, some day the whole world would hear of us and know that life has been about us all the while. We cannot lose because the Protagonists always wins in the end.

I’m certain you can already pick holes and see the delusion in the above narrative. Yet, every human you see is going about life with some version of this narrative in their head, and that’s why you see people doing whatever it takes to ‘Win’ in life because ‘Life’ has always been about them.

Every one of us suffers from what Psychologists refer to as Survivorship Bias. I may be over-reaching in the above statement, but it is true for most Humans. We see lives being cut short, we see bad things happen to people, we see dreams go unfulfilled, but a part of us believes we are special, and as such the ill-luck that befall others should not or cannot happen to us.

On one end of the spectrum are the Lots whose ‘dreams’ have come true, and who are poster-boys of the ‘dreams-come-true’ narrative, and at the other end are the people who are broken, disappointed, and in despair because the Universe did not come through for them as ‘promised’ or expected. The latter wonder why they were gifted with so much ideas, talent and ability if it wasn’t going to be harnessed for all of the World to exalt. This is made even worse by the success and ‘winnings’ of people who are evidently less talented than them.

I hate to be the one to break this to you, the Universe doesn’t care about your dreams. But thankfully, you do, and other people might, and that’s all that matters. Because you thought the Universe owed you, you developed a Sense of Entitlement, one that made you feel more special than everyone else. If you are courageous enough to purge yourself of that sense of entitlement, your mental health would become better, and your dreams will come true in a special way.

Becoming the President, winning an Oscar, earning a billion dollars, marrying a top model may all seem like the Dream, and those that have attained this have had their dream come true. But we couldn’t have been more wrong. The ultimate success in life is Peace of Mind. No other metric out there beats it. We measure ourselves using certain social metrics to ascertain if we are winning in the game of life, but life is not a game, it is Life. And the only people losing are those playing the ‘game’.

What we refer to as Dreams are more like goals or compass that keep our sight on the path of life we want to walk. Life can feel like a journey that leads to our dream-come-true, but that’s an illusion. Life is a journey that terminates only at death. Our call is not to fixate on any outcome whatsoever, but to enjoy the journey itself.

A lot of people do not understand this, and they keep obsessing over a specific outcome and miss out on the time of their lives. Things never always go exactly as planned, and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Our job is to keep making little adjustments and keep moving.

The Dream is not a destination, it is a journey. And the reason why dreams don’t come true is that people are fixated on a specific outcome rather than enjoying the journey. The Dream is being on the journey.

When we set out on the journey of life at our birth, there isn’t a single possible outcome. There are always many forks in the road, and just a little tweak to our history and our lives would have turned out differently. Donald Trump is president of the U.S today, but it could easily have been Hillary Clinton. Just a little tweak here and there and the 2016 election would have turned out differently. Some people would say it is ‘Destiny’, but it isn’t, it is just what it is.

As a kid, I wanted to be a Physician. But as I grew older, I realized that what I wanted to be was — Helpful. I have found Helpfulness to be the single most recurring theme in most of my life’s pursuits. My journey has been to find congruent ways of contributing and being helpful to myself and society.

Our dream is simply a mental picture of the possibilities that could result from our journey through life. But as we journey through life, we become exposed to new facts, paths, and possibilities. The people whose dreams do not come true are those who fixate on a specific outcome and a ‘script’ playing out.

The idea of ‘destiny’ makes people delusional and entitled. They become blind to other possibilities. As we journey through life, we’ll arrive at crossroads, and whichever we chose will lead us to a different set of possibilities.

Life is a journey, not a destination. Anyone whose Dream is a destination is the one whose Dream can afford to not come true. But anyone whose dream is being on the journey will already be living the Dream by merely being on the Path.

When you don’t feel entitled to a specific outcome, you don’t throw tantrums and sulk when things don’t go your way, instead, you re-strategize.

Your life isn’t a movie even though it may feel like one.

There are a whole lot of factors that may influence or lead to the ‘success’ or ‘failure’ of some of our pursuits. And no matter how hard we worked to get what we have or where we are, we still have to attribute a huge part of our ‘success’ to randomness and luck.

Outcomes are overrated, all you should take pride and ownership of is the effort. Everyone is on a different journey, revel in yours. Do not let what you cannot do, stop you from doing what you can. You can’t change yesterday, but you can start today to write a new story.

The Dream is to be on the journey, to pivot and to keep moving.