Why Don’t Men Perform Oral Sex on the First Date?

The double standard of becoming a selfless lover

When I was in college, it was common for girls to give blow jobs before having sex with someone for the first time.

Maybe they needed to prove that they were one of the “cool girls.” Or perhaps they were curious about the size, girth, and stamina of the guy’s package. But chances were, they simply weren’t ready to, as they say, give it up.

So instead of having sex, they gave blow jobs.

And while I know there are plenty of women that derive pleasure from sucking dick, most of them do it purely for the man’s satisfaction. After all, a women’s orgasm comes from her clit, not her tonsils.

Blow jobs are considered to be a selfless act of kindness.

But guess what else is selfless? Cunnilingus.

Yet, in our society, there’s a stark difference when it comes to giving and receiving oral sex. Let’s take, for example, this 2012 study of 12,000 college undergraduates. The study revealed that 55% of men had received oral sex during a first-time hookup, while women only received oral sex 19% of the time.

Now, I’m not pointing fingers and calling all college boys selfish. Women are equally as responsible for claiming their orgasmic rights.

But it’s hard to deny the double standard that surrounds oral sex.

And if it’s perfectly acceptable for women to give head, why don’t men also perform oral sex on the first date?

Men think the puss is gross

Sucking on a flabby, moist labyrinth of flesh isn’t everybody’s idea of a romantic date.

It’s okay to think that vaginas are gross (I mean hello, your one-holed pork popsicle isn’t the most beautiful thing on the planet either.) But it’s a receptacle of sensitive nerves that pleases your woman-friend, so you better get used to the idea of it being there.

Women don’t ask for it

Ah yes — we’re all aware of the age-old belief that sex revolves around the man’s pleasure. No matter how hard we fight for equality, there’s still something in the back of a women’s head telling them to put the man’s needs first.

There are plenty of reasons why women don’t push their sexual desires. Some women feel ashamed to admit what turns them on. Others don’t want to pressure their partners. And sadly, there are probably some women who just have no fucking idea what they want in bed.

Whatever the reason, women’s desires tend to take the back seat.

But if they were more vocal about their needs, then there would be less stigma (and much more pleasure) around the taboo subject of pussy eating.

Men are unsure about their skills

I’ll admit — vaginas can be challenging to figure out. Each one has its own buttons and knobs that need to be twisted, licked, and pulled in the just the right direction to achieve an orgasm. And if you don’t even know your date’s last name, how are you suppose to know how to make them cum?

The sheer complexity of performing oral sex can be frightening to some men.

In addition, even the ones who are adventurous enough to give their lady a lickin’ might be doing it incorrectly. Women are masters at faking orgasms, which means men don’t get the chance to learn what is pleasurable or not.

And yes — men are selfish

Sometimes, these horny bastards only have one thing on their minds — cumming. This is especially true on the first date, where men are 20 times more likely to orgasm than their female counterparts.

Without knowing or feeling a connection to that person, men might find it difficult to sacrifice their needs for a stranger.

Of course, this changes over the course of a relationship. Men and women both tend to be more generous in the oral sex department once they start dating.

But what about the “other” double standard?

If you’ve spent any time scrolling through social media, watching movies, or hanging out with a group of gaggling girls, you know that women appreciate men who eat pussy.

Any man who doesn’t eat pussy isn’t a real man.

Let’s face it — women expect men to eat them out. And not just any ole attempt at eating out. They are expected to be mind-boggling, earth-shattering, clit-spasming good at doing so.

But what if we apply that same logic about women?

Any woman who doesn’t give blow jobs isn’t a real woman.

If a man were to say that, he’d have death threats and hate mail sent to his doorstep for decades.

Because the truth is, this type of oral sex double standard also exists. Men who refuse to eat pussy are considered rude, immature, and selfish. But on the other hand, women who don’t give blow jobs are just enforcing their boundaries.

While this doesn’t apply to every relationship, there is one probable reason why this double standard exists.

Most men can orgasm through traditional penetrative sex. Receiving a blow job is just a treat. But women? Well, only 18% of them report being able to achieve orgasm through penetrative sex alone. For them, direct clitoral stimulation is needed to experience orgasmic bliss.

And for many women, that comes from oral sex. While some women treat oral sex as an added bonus (and boy, what an added bonus it is), others actually require that form of stimulation for pleasure.

I’m a firm believer that oral sex should be reciprocated. It’s okay to lend a helping hand (or helping tongue) for the sake of sexual exploration and pleasure.

I’ve come to terms that most men aren’t gonna chomp the box on the first date. But hey, expecting a blowie on the first date is a rather antiquated belief too.

Most men — at least the decent ones — don’t expect or pressure their dates to slurp the schlong before slipping into sex. And if they don’t, then neither should the ladies.

Sure, casual dating can be complicated and confusing, especially when you don’t know what the other person is thinking. But the quest for mutual pleasure is more prominent than ever.

But at the end of the day, we can all learn to be a little less selfish and a little more giving. You have to — your orgasm depends on it.