Why Doing Shadow Work Is Vital During Twin Flame Separation

It’s not a choice, it’s your duty

When I broke up with my twin flame more than three years ago, I had no idea what journey the Universe had in store for me. I went from the darkest moments of my life to being in an almost constant state of bliss.

I am sure I would have never reached this version of myself without my twin. He provoked a spiritual awakening in me and it went deeper than what I ever could have dreamed of. There is Anna before my twin, and there is Anna after my twin — and they are two completely different persons.

Not in my wildest dreams could I have imagined to ever reach this state. I was so desperate to reunite with my twin flame that I deemed it impossible to ever be happy again if I didn’t have that outcome.

But eventually, my twin made me whole without being in reunion with him. And I am sure the same can happen to you. There is just one vital thing you need to do.

Shadow work.

Twins are meeting each other everywhere

Four years ago, I was the only one I knew in my environment who had met a twin flame. Nobody understood the feelings I was experiencing and no one could possibly imagine the depth of this connection. My friends were all skeptical about my statements that we were meant to be together and how I was divinely connected to him every single second of my days.

Only twin flames understand.

To give some space to my thoughts, I started writing on Medium about my journey and soon found out I was not the only one going through this. You can only believe that twin flames are real when you have been in a connection like that. Don’t expect others to understand what you’re really going through. This journey is yours and you have to deal with it (mostly) alone.

Nowadays, I have more and more friends who are meeting their twin flames. They reach out to me, asking for advice and apologizing for making me feel ridiculous. Soul connections exist and they serve a purpose.

The pain of the Twin Flame collective

I have one particular friend who just entered twin flame separation and seeing her suffer, makes me remember my own journey.

It is so fucking hard and painful.

There is this immense desire to heal your twin flame, to love them out of their traumas, and to always be there for them. It is the hardest thing you will have to do when it’s time to let go.

And you will probably see signs everywhere too that remind you of them. This is all part of the journey. My twin flame represented a hummingbird and at some point during our separation, a hummingbird even came to eat out of my mouth! How am I not supposed to see that as a sign, Universe?!

My friend also finds signs everywhere and all she can think about is getting back to him. It’s so painful to see her struggle, especially since I’ve been through all of this myself as well.

And getting back together is not the answer.

There is, however, one vital thing that you can do. Actually, it is mandatory on this journey — it’s shadow work. Without shadow work, I would still be chasing my twin and feel miserable without him in my presence.

Being friends with your twin flame?

One friend once told me that there might be a day when I will become friends with my twin. I laughed in her face and could not even imagine ever being friends with him without being completely in love. It was either all or nothing.

Thankfully, my twin flame didn’t want to be with me anymore, so I had no choice. It was nothing. I can only imagine how hard it must be if your twin is still reaching out sometimes. And you have to be a really strong person to resist that. But that is also part of your destiny.

Looking back now, I had the perfect twin flame relationship. We experienced the highest love, I fell to the darkest depths, and now I am reborn. I can finally talk to my twin flame as friends without my heart pounding out of my chest and the desire overtaking me. It was the last thing I would expect after being so crazy attached to him.

There is so much more to tell about the blessings I received during this journey, but what matters the most is how I was able to see that. If being separated from your twin doesn’t feel like a blessing, you’re not done with the journey yet.

Healing your twin flame

At one point I was so desperate for answers that I decided to drink ayahuasca. This is a plant medicine that can reveal stuff to you that you need to be aware of. Some call it 10 years of therapy in a single night. And it was definitely a mental journey beyond my wildest comprehension. The ultimate message? My body is a vessel to heal my twin flame.

Great.

It was the last thing I wanted to hear after going through so much pain already. It explains the general twin flame collective pain though. The feminine has an utter desire to heal their twin because they can literally feel their pain.

There were moments when I was sitting behind my laptop working, and suddenly felt this immense anxiety or depression rush over me. But it wasn’t mine — it was my twin’s. Of course I wanted to heal that and stop his suffering.

The paradox here though is, that all of your twin’s pain is also yours. They are a mirror. You might see it as wanting to heal them, but in truth, you need to heal yourself. You are them and they are you.

The best thing you can do for them is help yourself.

This is where shadow work comes in

Twin flames are divine trauma bonds. You cannot meet a twin flame if you don’t have (hidden) trauma. And most likely, you share that trauma. There is a lot of psychology and science about trauma bonds, but none of them mention the spiritual connection. This is probably why twin flames feel so lost on this journey.

I encourage you to read about trauma bonding but know that a twin flame has that bit of divinity with it. That is why you are blessed to be on this journey. You are given the ultimate tools from the Universe to elevate yourself to a higher consciousness.

You just gotta do it. And this is not easy work.

First of all, you have to let them go on their own path. No matter how much of their pain you feel, no matter how much you miss them — you have to let them do their part.

Trust that if you heal yourself, your twin will also be given the same tools. You are infinitely connected and whatever you do, affects them as well.

The feminine has to heal herself

All my dreams, all my visions, and all my meditations said the same thing — you need to heal your twin. I even reconnected with him after two years of separation, ready to give everything in my capacity to help him.

And that’s when I saw it — I have to protect myself first in order to help him. If my energy is depleted by the anxiety of this connection, there is no way I can be a healer.

After that realization, everything shifted. I finally chose myself. And what happened next was the beginning of the state that I am in right now. Which is being totally my authentic Self, choosing what is good for me, and letting go of the toxicity in my life (including some friends and family).

It was incredibly hard. I was alone for most of the journey. I felt like I had lost everything that meant something to me. I was utterly lonely, questioning why the heck I had to be the one having to go through this while everybody else was out there having fun.

The reward will be greater than you can imagine

If there is anything I would like to say to my fellow twin flames, it’s this:

Trust in the Universe.

Everything happens for a reason. Your relationship happens for a reason. Your pain happens for a reason. Your Dark Night of the Soul happens for a reason. Your separation happens for a reason. And the reason is more beautiful than you can imagine. You just have to trust it. There is a plan for you. But going against it, will not help either of you. It will just make the suffering last longer.

Whether the reason is reuniting with your twin, finding a Soul Partner, or staying alone — it doesn’t matter right now. Don’t force anything. Let it flow all over you and embrace the darkness. Embrace your shadows. This all happened because your shadows want to come into the light.

I wish I could make you peek into the future to see how beautiful it all will be. I wish I knew where I was going when I was in the darkness. But I had no clue and all I could do was trust.

If you would know what is waiting for you, it would all make sense. Don’t let the darkness swallow you up. Soon there will be a light.

But first, get to know your shadows.

Where to start with shadow work?

Everybody has shadows. Probably the reason why you met a twin flame, is because your shadows are slowly overtaking you. The Universe sent you a twin flame to rescue you from yourself.

If you are ready to dive deep, I highly recommend buying a shadow journal. I loved this one, but any type of shadow journal will do. It’s pretty tough and you will have to face many deep-seated issues about your childhood and conditioning, so make sure you are ready.

After shadow work, don’t forget to integrate it. Question all your behaviors, take a step back when you are triggered, and see how you react. You can learn a lot if you are aware of your own behavior. Try to see yourself from a third-party perspective. You are not your thoughts — you have to learn to disengage from them.

Meditation is a big part of the healing journey as well and so is breathwork and somatic healing. Be in your body. Take care of it. Feed it healthy food. Practice yoga or any type of exercise that makes you feel your body deeply. It’s your biggest friend.

What is the reward?

You might ask yourself why you have to do all these things. It’s so easy to fall back into old patterns and give it all up. But remember there is a plan for you. If you don’t do it now, it will come back to you in even greater pain.

You are not just doing it for yourself. You are doing it for the whole collective. For the whole Universe. You will start to see that we are all connected. Your twin flame, your friends, your enemies, your pain — we are all One.

Seeing my friend go through this journey makes me see a higher purpose. We need to heal ourselves to elevate the human race. It’s not a choice — it’s your duty.

And I am finally reaping my personal rewards as well. I am attracting the right people in my circle. I don’t feel guilty when I am rejecting toxic friends. I am proud to be who I am and I am no longer a people-pleaser.

I set my boundaries and realize people like me even more now. What I was so afraid of — being disliked — turned out to have the opposite effect by putting out limits.

Please choose yourself

There is a reason why you have to do this work. You have a power inside of you that the Universe needs. You have gifts and talents that can benefit the human race and help the planet. This is not a journey just for you and your twin flame — it’s for the collective consciousness.

Please trust the greater plan and choose yourself. Love your twin from a distance and send them healing energy from afar. You two are separated right now for a reason, don’t go against it.

Love yourself like you would love your twin. Because you are them.

Read all my twin flame articles here:

I have started a series on my Medium profile that will describe my twin flame journey from our first meeting to our reunion three years later. You can read part one here if you are interested.

I also appreciate anybody who can buy me a coffee :) Thank you!

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