Why Does Rejection Hurt If You Didn’t Want the Opportunity?

Rejection is never fun, regardless of how invested you were

Rejection hurts no matter how badly you want an opportunity.

For example, I recently received a rejection email for a position I interviewed for. It was a Procedure Writer position.

The interviewers claimed I didn’t articulate my qualifications well.

This stings because I’m told this often.

Every time I’ve been told this, however, I realized at some point during the interview I didn’t want the job. Yet, I continued answering the questions.

I felt like I was overqualified for the position.

However, my answers did not articulate my qualifications, meaning the interviewers thought I was underqualified.

I know I become awkward in interviews. I stammer and stumble over my words. I say statements out of order or words I shouldn’t have said in the first place.

For this particular interview, I was well prepared. I’d written out all my qualifications ahead of time, and I felt, given the circumstances, I articulated them well. I wouldn’t have said anything another way.

However, at the beginning of the interview, they told me I’d start with data entry and publishing. While it made sense, because it sounds like the best way to learn how their procedures are written, this type of work would bore me to tears.

It was only a 6-month contract, and my husband pointed out before the interview that this type of job sounds like it would be something temporary. I agreed with him. (Because how many procedures can one company have?)

Temporary is okay for me because I am just looking to get my foot in the door somewhere. And if I hated the job, then I had an out. I’m still reeling from the last time I was someone’s employee and have major trust issues from that experience.

The job description also mentioned other admin tasks as needed. When I asked what those were, they could not articulate a clear answer. This was a major red flag.

Not to mention, my heart and soul live in the online writing space. These are the skills I’ve honed for the last year. I recently completed a content marketing certification and an SEO certification. I also started studying copywriting.

This position is a 180 from the writing I’m doing and where I’ve envisioned my life headed.

I’m not against doing other types of writing. I just want to write.

I have a background in business, so I’m certainly qualified to write procedures. I’ve also written a few procedures in my past admin jobs.

One thing I’ve been wanting to get into this year is ebooks and/or novel writing, and I’ve been hoping to find a permanent or longer contractor job to support me financially while I do this.

I felt the interviewers for this job were not invested in what I had to say from the beginning — it’s easy to tell when people are engaged and when they’re not.

It felt like they already had made up their mind about me before I started answering the questions.

I knew I didn’t want the job before they even started asking me questions (they rambled about the position for about 5 minutes).

When the interview was over, I started thinking of ways to turn the job down if by some chance they still offered it to me.

Still. The final rejection hurts.

So, I ask the question:

Why does rejection hurt when you don’t want the opportunity?

I have two answers.

1. A rejection is a rejection

Regardless of how invested you were in the opportunity, a rejection is a rejection. It means someone didn’t want you, and not being wanted is hard for your brain to process.

You’ve probably received many rejections in your life, and regardless of how invested you were in the opportunity, it hurt. All rejections trigger the same neural pathways, and you end up feeling the same way you did when you were rejected in the past.

2. The reasons provided can trigger you

A lot of times you don’t get a reason for the rejection, and honestly, this might be for the best.

In my case, the reason provided was that I didn’t articulate my qualifications.

While this may be good feedback and something I’ll certainly focus most of my attention on in future interviews, it stings because I keep hearing this. And it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me.

Deep down, I know I’m qualified and employable — I just need to find the right fit for my qualifications (and the right people who click with me).

Moving Forward

From my experience, the rejections from opportunities I didn’t want hurt less in the long term than those I wanted.

These types of rejections sting for a few hours, but I move forward by searching for the next big opportunity — the one I’ll want and is a better fit.