Life Lessons | Healing | Hope

Why Does One Unkind Word Seem to Matter So Much?

It has happened, I’ve received my first comment that has been unpleasant.

I received the first rather sharp words on one of my pieces. I guess it had to come. Somehow, I was still not prepared.

I remember when posting that piece, a small feeling of unease. Butterflies in my stomach. The title was not one I would usually write, it was more controversial and stood out. Ignoring the feeling calling to me, I decided to move out of my comfort zone. I don’t like confrontation, so this was a push for me! You could say I should have known what to expect by doing this, even though I was still not prepared.

The comments that came back from others, showed that the feeling I had deep down had probably been right. I should have listened to my intuition.

But all those writers (99%) of them nicely told me, that the piece had come across in the wrong way. I took on board what they had said and have since updated that piece and of course, the title, as it didn’t sit right with me in the end.

But why is it that one unpleasant comment has stuck out amongst all the other well-meaning comments?

Why is it in life that one unkind word causes more distress than hundreds of other kindly said words?

Life Lessons I’ve Learned

My parents have always taught me when I have nothing nice to say, to say nothing at all. And it is advice that many wise parents have also imparted, that I know by all the other friendly advising comments I received.

Let me be clear about this sage advice: it doesn’t mean to not stand up for yourself but is more about not running others down.

I have read many stories on this platform, and have been inspired by them, I have written encouraging words back to those writers, (at least I hope they came across that way).

Sometimes I read a piece that I didn’t connect with. It might be me and not the writer, but I will always find something thoughtful to say.

On the occasions when I meet a piece that I don’t agree with, I tend to say nothing or find a way to put my views in a non-controversial way, as I feel it does not deserve to take up any energy.

So why do some people choose to make unkind comments?

How It Unfolds

Now the piece I wrote in hindsight may have given out the wrong message, that I did not value other people’s comments, but in fact, I do. Otherwise, why would I have made over 700 comments so far? I have seen directly the value of engagement with others in those comments.

This person told me that I should go and write elsewhere if I wanted money for writing (comments) which lead me to believe that they had not fully read my piece as this is not what I had meant to convey.

I tried to explain and wished them well on their journey.

They came back with a little bit more (direct) advice.

I accept in hindsight that I was contradictory in my writing, but there is a nice way of telling someone.

I will make mistakes, I’m a new writer but the lesson is to learn from these. So please help me by telling me in a nice way that helps to improve my writing.

All I’m asking is:

Please think about the comments you write.

The words you say to others.

One nice word can go a long way.

We are given the gift of words, so let’s use them wisely.

I’ve received numerous complimentary comments (and value every one of them) so I don’t know why this one had such an effect, maybe because it was my first of this unpleasant type.

Being Lifted By Others

Then I read this lovely piece, When people are cruel, by Jenny Lane, it’s funny how the universe seems to have a way of sending you messages you need at the right time.

I quote Jenny’s words which spoke to me,

“Offer them peace on their way to get back to your peace. There is life.”

So I’ve let it go by writing it down and getting it out of my system. Ah, that feels better.

I wasn’t sure whether to show the piece that has caused this controversy, like I say I don’t like confrontation, so it’s up to you what to do. I’ve thought of taking it down, but instead I’ve updated it a little to reflect the comments I received. I can’t help but think that so many others found a nice way to express their views except for one. Why did one unpleasant comment stand out amongst a multitude of kind ones?

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