Why Do You Feel Defeated Even When You’re Winning
Save yourself from life-long disappointments
If I ask you now how you are, you will probably answer that you are fine without pondering that question for more than a second. This has become one of those questions that seem to have a forever unchanging answer. We don’t even expect a different answer. But imagine, on the phone, someone dear to you asks you, “Are you okay?” Many of us are tempted to sigh and say: no. We are not okay.
Why are you not okay? At the end of the day, when we think back on our day, very few of us are content with how we spent the day. We all have expectations. We want more for today than we had achieved yesterday. We want more money, more fame, more recognition. Our goals are ever-changing. If you win a lottery today, you’ll be happy. For today. Maybe for about a week. But after that, you would want to win a lottery next week too.
“Focus on your journey, not the destination.”
— Greg Anderson
Working towards something is harder. When you are patient and hard-working, you hold your breath and hope for the day all your blood and sweat will have meaning, your goal will be fulfilled. When it does, then there’s a new expectation for something better. And when luck gets involved? We rejoice and celebrate.
Anything in life is revolving around wishing for a bit of luck, no matter how you want to avoid believing in it. When we find luck once, we want to get lucky all the time. We want an increasing slope on the graph of our life achievements. Always looking up, never looking around. Thus, never enjoying what we have.
If you want happiness in life, true happiness, try changing your goals. Give yourself some time to absorb all that you’ve achieved. Find the meaning of the little things. Share stories with friends, go where your eyes (and the size of your purse) take you. If you keep pasting notes on what else you want in life, you will just keep wanting, and never actually observing what you already achieved after so much work.
“Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle, or your middle to someone else’s end. Don’t compare the start of your second quarter of life to someone else’s third quarter.”
Stop comparing what you have with others. Maybe they’ve had to work twice as long and that’s why they are more successful than you. Stop worrying about what others have and you don’t. Focus on the fact that you completed your goal. You are a winner. Finish one race before starting another.
If you like your sense of happiness, set a goal you can pursue. Push your own limits, challenge yourself. Don’t do what others do. Don’t let someone else make you push your limits. When you are the one challenging yourself, you will be more committed, because you are doing it for yourself.
“Do your best, and be a little better than you are.” — Gordon B. Hinckley
Other people tell you their opinions, not because they are worried about what you cannot achieve, because they are scared about what you might. Find the satisfaction in winning to yourself, instead of feeling defeated because you didn’t win in someone else’s eyes.
Goals can be different for each person. One might be comfortable in always trying to outrun others, but not all of us have to be like them. We only need to outrun our own selves from yesterday so that we are a little bit better versions of ourselves today.
I’ve come to realize, asking someone if they are okay has a more truth-filled answer than asking them how they are. Your questions matter only when you care about the answer. Try helping others while you pick up your own life. Stop being disappointed in where you are and start being thankful that you…are.
“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside you.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson