Why do we Need Permission?

Stuck between doing what I want and doing what I should

I found myself up against a raging case of writer’s block last week.

I was caught between doing what I wanted and what I felt I should do, which created writer’s block. This is what happens when your subconscious disagrees with what your brain is saying to do.

It was a struggle, but I finally gave myself permission to do what I wanted which meant passing up paying freelance jobs.

Since we started taking Coronavirus seriously, I have been working 12 hours a day, six days a week, at my security job. My freelance clients dried up, but I was getting plenty of overtime at work, so it was not a big issue financially. I can write some at work, and I have started my first novel.

The virus is still going on and I am still putting in a lot of hours. I find myself wanting to write Medium articles and wanting to work on the novel that I started in June. That sounds simple enough, but last week I had people electronically knocking on my electronic door wanting freelance writing done.

Suddenly there is plenty of work to be had. Maybe it’s a combination of a work ethic, and having gone through lean times. I have always felt if there was work available I “should” take it.

I have always felt if there was work available I “should” take it.

“It may not be there tomorrow,” one voice in my head said.

“If you say no, they may not want you anymore,” another voice said.

“You should work first and then do the fun stuff later,” a third voice chimed in.

A fourth voice said something about Medium won’t pay the bills. I told that voice the bills are paid through next month so leave me alone.

Medium is fun writing for me, not a real source of income. My novel is just something for me as well. Freelance clients pay, so they always have been the priority.

All these voices were telling me what I “should” do. I did take a little freelance job. My heart was not in it. It took a lot longer than it should have. It was not my best work by a long shot.

Writer’s block happens when your subconscious, or your emotions, disagree with what your brain is saying what to do.

I struggled with what to do. It was hard to give myself permission to do what I wanted because I felt I “should” be working at making money. I found myself needing permission. I even asked my wife if it was OK. She said it was, and I knew that was what she would say. It helped to have another person tell me I was not doing something horribly wrong by turning away work when it was available.

I will admit I am in a good place and I have been fortunate. I have been a writer for 30 years or so. I have been around the block and up and down the street a few times. I have paid my dues.

There have been plenty of times I have gone to work, or taken work because I needed the money. I did what I needed to do. I have denied myself often to do what needed to be done. So maybe I have earned a pass.

I gave myself permission to write what I want to write for a month, maybe longer. I intentionally turned away jobs that would have paid me well for my stories so I could write what I want that may make a few pennies. It took a day or two, but I feel good about my choice and I am writing away.

Why do we struggle to give ourselves permission to do what we want? I thought maybe I was the odd one, but a quick Google search turned up hundreds of stories about giving yourself permission.

Most of them are about giving yourself permission to be who you are.

Dr. Christiane Northrup wrote about how we are programmed from youth to need permission to do anything in her article about how to give yourself permission to do what you want. She wrote this pattern can go into adulthood, where we feel like we need permission to do things — even things like resting or eating.

I did ask my wife but I knew what she would say. Anyone would give me permission to do what I decided to do. There may have been some “needing permission from an authority,” but in this case, anyone I could perceive as an authority would have given me the OK.

I think my issue was giving myself permission. Sure it was ok with anyone I know, but was it ok with me?

In the article “The only person who can give you permission, is you,” Jason Zook writes that we don’t need permission. “You are your own gatekeeper,” he wrote.

Ultimately that was my choice. I can do what I want. It was a struggle to “allow” myself to make that choice.

Writing should be fun, and it was to the point that it was not fun anymore. It was work. A lot of my freelancing is boring technical stuff involving automobiles or outdoors type things. I’m going back to the fun of writing and not going to worry about whether I make any money or not, at least until I run out of cash.

I want to write stories and a novel — just because I want to. I will publish Medium stories like this one. As far as the novel, I may self-publish it, or not. Finishing it will be a success.

What do you need to give yourself permission to do?

Here is my website with stories about writing. There is a lot about the psychology and emotional aspects of the craft.

Here is a story about writing my first novel