Why do we ‘get it’ post factum?
Thoughts on why we often realize what the other person meant far too late. Or is it?
While I was on the phone the other night with my mom discussing people’s points of view on growth, success, what’s right and what’s totally getting you nowhere, I realized that it usually takes quite some time for anyone to completely ‘get’ the concept behind pretty much anything.
As a fellow listener (I’m to die for a decent convo), I frequently engage people in jumping right into those talks which navigate you through someone’s consciousness. You know, the kinds where ‘What’s success to you?’ and ‘Tell me about your view on life.’ are completely natural and on the spot. What can be done, I find no purpose whatsoever in small talk.
So, while we were discussing the matter of conversations between people on their view of success, I recalled a moment in my life where a person stated I’m doing things the wrong way when it comes to prioritizing what’s truly important. That person once told me:
‘You should stop fantasizing about the best version of your life and start taking small steps towards making this fantasy a reality.’
To be fair, it sounded hurtful back in the days. As if someone has just diminished by never-stopping dreaming mode — I’m one of those people to who daydreaming is like sipping coffee early in the morning. No need to say that this person was right — what is the point of living your dream life in the comfort of your mind without initiating something, anything that would redirect this idea of you to reality?
We get easily offended when we are the one criticized.
It’s ego. It’s denial. It’s a lot of things. I’ve witnessed the effectiveness of telling someone the truth using a story, an alter-ego, an example — if we feel that we are not on the hot seat and just discussing objectively the matter of personal success, for example, we are times more eager of actually listening what the other person has to share. It’s safe, it’s not about us, it’s about this friend of a friend of a friend, so we feel under the radar of criticism.
The words of the people who tried to point out our weaknesses come back to us years later. Then we ‘get it’. I guess that has something to do with reconciliation. We never listen ‘on the spot’ — we get offended, defensive and feel not supported. We choose this denial-like state of mind and we seek comfort in our safe daydreaming.
That person was right — I truly had to realize the importance of action. I know that now.
Back then, I was just like: ‘Oh, as if you know better!’.
But they did. So now, years later, I find it funny that they were rights this entire time.
We aren’t truly criticized. We are lucky for having someone point out our weaknesses so we can truly step right into reality.
