Why Do We Get Angry and What’s Spirituality Got To Do With It

You can’t control what you don’t understand — and when you understand control, you realize it’s not the answer.

Do you often get angry?

I do. And the most common reason why I get angry is

- when things don’t happen according to my wish

- when people don’t act the way I want them to

- when I don’t get what I expect

Did you notice that anger is a control game? We get angry because we can’t control an outcome or something that’s not in our control but we want it our way.

The fun part is we try to control anger too, and the very reason we got angry was our lack of control, and now we’re trying to control the consequence of lack of control — if you look at this objectively, this entire thing is madness.

We can’t control anger because we don’t understand it, and you can’t conquer what you don’t understand.

If anger were a tangible entity, its superpower would be to use people’s effort and intense emotions against them.

The more you try to control anger, the more you slip into its control, the more it makes you do things that you’d find stupid in retrospect.

Crazy Stupid Anger

How do we control our anger?

I don’t think we need to control it.

If anything, we need to control our intense need to control everything.

Are you angry at this moment?

No?

Then, why do you want to control something that doesn’t even exist at this point?

Anger is a temporary unpleasantness that you experience, alongside the people around you.

Most of the time you suffer more than your victim. Anger is an emotional energy.

And when you get angry, you are capable of doing the most idiotic things of your life.

I don’t need evidence to prove it’s not an intelligent way to exist — we all know it from our experiences.

Being angry about something comes from

- a strong sense of likes and dislikes.

- a very deep identification of a certain way of thinking and feeling, which according to you, is the best way to live, think, and feel.

When someone is not in line with that, you get angry with them.

As your likes and dislikes and your identifications with something or the other become stronger, all that you are doing is excluding the existence.

If you say, “I like this very much,” you are excluding the rest of the existence in a big way at that moment.

The stronger your like or dislike is, the deeper the exclusion becomes.

Anger overflows because you have not included someone or something as a part of yourself.

The very process of liberation is to include, not exclude.

In inclusion, you become liberated.

The day when everything, the whole existence, is included in you, you are liberated.

In exclusion, you become trapped, you become separate.

Can’t Live With It, Can’t Live Without It

You don’t wish to be angry but it is happening because you are creating an outside source for what is happening within you — which is not true.

Notice that it’s something you are creating. Now, why are you creating something that you don’t want?

The reason is — you are ignorant of yourself.

If you knew how your system functions and how to manage your system, why would you create anger?

Anger is not only damaging the external situation, it is also damaging the internal situation. People cause enormous amounts of anger and create health problems for themselves.

For every action, there is a consequence. You can’t avoid the consequences.

And when you can’t avoid the consequence, action should be controlled. Actions can be controlled only if a human being is controlled within themselves.

When we are in perfect balance, only then we will be able to perform harmonious actions. Still, there are consequences, they’ll always be there.

If situations are rotten around you, it’s paramount that you keep yourself pleasant just to notice how that pleasantness is spread around you. If your actions sprout through your intelligence, this is how you would act by default.

Anger is an enormous intensity. Intensity is all that we are seeking. The reason why thriller, action movies, and sports events are so popular is because people want intensity. The only way we know to be intense is either through physical action, through anger, or pain.

The very reason why drugs and sex are such big things in the world is because somehow, people want to experience some intensity at least for a few moments.

Intensity releases you from many things.

Anger can do the same, but the problem with anger is, it is not pure intensity; it gets entangled with the situations around.

There are two main reasons you get angry

- because of your strong sense of likes and dislikes — so if something doesn’t happen the way you like, you get angry.

- because anger gives you a sort of adrenaline rush — that makes you feel intense in your otherwise dull life.

Whatever the reason, it is always inefficient and self-damaging.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

- Gautam Buddha

You need to spend some time understanding yourself. So that you know how to manage your thoughts, emotions, and your experience of life.

Spiritual Growth Is Not About Accumulation

Every aspect of growth that you know always amounts to accumulation.

- My body is growing — accumulation

- My business is growing — accumulation

- My family is growing — accumulation

But when you speak about spiritual growth, it’s a big deception because this is not about accumulation.

Spiritual growth is about dissolution — spiritually growing means dissolving; not acquiring. It’s because of this contradiction that spirituality seems to be so difficult.

You tell me, accumulating something would be difficult or just throwing things away would be more difficult?

Earning money in the world is more difficult or just throwing it off on the street and going is more difficult?

Throwing doesn’t take effort.

Throwing takes a certain madness, but accumulating money takes enormous effort.

This is not about throwing things away. Throwing yourself away takes much more madness.

This madness looks dangerous because the whole orientation since the very beginning of mankind has always been accumulation, accumulation, accumulation.

Everything you see — whether it's wealth, money, knowledge, people, or anything — accumulation, that’s the only way you know how to enhance yourself.

Why you’re accumulating is because the way you are right now is not sufficient.

You need to add something to yourself to feel a little better.

So, some think accumulating money is crude, but accumulating artwork is better.

Some think accumulating anything is crude, accumulating people is better.

Some think all these things are crude, accumulating self-knowledge is best.

Whether you gather stones or gods, it makes no difference. It is fundamentally coming from a sense of insufficiency.

The way you are is not enough. Something has to be added to this to make you feel good enough.

If you add one thing today it makes you feel good, but tomorrow once again the same thing, so you have to add another thing, and another thing, and another thing.

That is the basis of all accumulation; that is what has always been understood as growth.

LAST

So, why spirituality seems to be mind-boggling is not because it’s difficult; because this growth will not happen unless you dissolve what you have accumulated — to throw away everything that you’ve accumulated.

Throwing away does not mean you have to take the things from the house and throw them on the street.

It is just that you don’t accumulate within yourself.

Things that are in the house it’s convenient and comfortable, but the problem is you’re carrying it in your head all the time; that’s burdensome, that’s killing.

If money’s in the pocket it makes life comfortable, but you carry it in your head- it’s a whole perversion.

It’s taking life in a million different ways.

If people are around you it’s wonderful. You carry them in your head all the time- big problem?

So, throwing it away is not from where they are; throwing it away is from you.

That is, you don’t make it a part of yourself.

You use it, you enjoy it, you experience it, but you don’t try to make it a part of yourself- that’s all.”

Once you how to manage yourself, you will naturally want to be in the most pleasant and loving state instead of being angry and agitated all the time.

Meditation and spirituality help you with this.

One important point to note here is, that people think that all this will make them “soft & weak.”

Which is utterly wrong.

Spirituality is totally against weakness. Spirituality makes you strong on all levels.

So that whenever there is a genuine need for the situation, you can take a stand and respond appropriately.

But not in anger, hatred, or greed, but out of your understanding and clarity.

“Strength is life. Weakness is death.”

— Swami Vivekananda

India has had many such saints and sages who have picked up swords and went to war whenever it was needed.

So don’t conflate weakness with spirituality.