Why Do They Call Me Ocean’s Mama?

Also known as Kate Lynch, I’m a yoga & meditation teacher, and a parent. Before all that, I was a writer.

“All parenting turns on a crucial question: to what extent parents should accept their children for who they are, and to what extent they should help them become their best selves.”

-Andrew Solomon, Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity

Our little atypical family lives in a magical land called Brooklyn.

When I was young I used to tell myself I’d take my writing seriously when I was 60. Then, I would have something to write about. I’m about 10 years early. Now, I can see that it was imposter syndrome, and I would have had plenty to write about all along.

Combine a nomadic, creative childhood and an intense, studious temperament, and you might end up in art school. That background can then inspire any divergent directions your life might go.

My first 40 years were spent making art, wandering, and eventually remembering to come home to Brooklyn and put down roots.

In the late 1990's, I was a stressed out fashion designer and visual artist who hoped yoga would help my whiplash. It did a lot more than that. It wasn’t long before I discovered a state of complete contentment, for the first time in my life, during deep relaxation at the end of a Kundalini Yoga & Meditation class. From there, my journey was slow and steady, leading to a daily meditation practice and an unfolding calling to somehow “be part of the solution, rather than part of the problem.”

My yoga practice gave me the courage to leave a successful but unfulfilling career and “follow my bliss.”

My passion for travel and learning led me to go backpacking in Southeast Asia for 6 months, absorbing the cultural lessons of these diverse civilizations. During that trip I journaled daily. I met an Australian surfer in Malaysia.

One thing led to another, and I ended up in Sydney, making pottery and working at a health food store.

I had never envisioned myself as a teacher, so when I learned that no one was teaching Kundalini Yoga in Sydney, I took up Ashtanga Yoga instead. I practiced alongside the surfers at the local community center.

September 11, 2001 changed so much in the world.

Far from home, my spiritual foundation was shaken. An intense drive to serve the greater good overshadowed my lack of confidence. My path towards becoming a yoga teacher began.

I started teaching yoga and cultivating community in 2002.

My first marriage ended, and I was done with being so far from my family. I said goodbye to Australia. I spent time in India; then a season working, teaching and living in a tent at the Omega Institute, a holistic retreat center in upstate New York.

I then returned to my beloved Brooklyn to finally set down roots.

Eventually I met my beloved, John, and we were married in Omega’s Sanctuary. By then I was teaching all over NYC.

I always knew that I would be a parent. It felt like a given. My upbringing was unstable, and I wasn’t great at relationships, but I knew deep down that being a parent was my path.

Ocean was born at home in 2010.

I encourage my prenatal students to write or record their birth story as soon as possible after the birth. A memory changes each time you retell or even remember it. It is the sort of experience that seems unforgettable, but then it morphs and fades. Even, especially, if the birth wasn’t what you expected, the process of telling the story of your child’s birth, from your own unadulterated perspective, is therapeutic and meaningful.

Brene Brown says, “If you can own your story, you get to write the ending.”

As soon as I could think straight, I wrote his birth story. I sent it out to my newsletter- all 7 pages. At the end was this:

“I am so grateful to be his mom. It is pretty amazing to have your deepest desire fulfilled. Conceiving him wasn’t easy. The pregnancy wasn’t easy. The birth wasn’t easy. I didn’t expect it to be. This is the way he had to come. We had to wait, we had to do the work, and go through the initiation into parenthood. Because of all that, John and I know each other in a different way now. There is infinite trust. I’ll never forget both of our loud cries of joy joined in the moment we became a family.”

I’ve been called brave for what I write more than a few times. At that point, I couldn’t know what courage would be required of me.

I thought I would have a certain life as a parent. Then, we had Ocean. He was everything we had dreamed of. He made us a family. And… it was not the parenting journey we expected.

Our newborn cried a lot, and slept NOT a lot. He was only soothed when held upright and bounced. No matter, we were head over heels in love. John would dance him around the apartment, singing made up songs, to soothe him. Luckily, lots of words rhyme with Ocean.

Eventually I returned to teaching, but my focus was entirely on parenting this unique child. I used to chant to him every morning. I thought of it as our cherished ritual, and a way to connect him with my spiritual path. As soon as he could talk, Ocean demanded that I “Stop singing!”

He was sensitive and quirky, like his parents. I was concerned, but no one else was, so I embraced denial. We missed a few red flags.

At 3, Ocean was diagnosed with Autism.

By then, I was just grateful that he would get the support he needed. I joined a vibrant community of parents of differently wired kids. A steep learning curve was laid out. Luckily I had friends walking alongside me.

A few years later, John was diagnosed with Young Onset Parkinson’s Disease. He immediately began blogging and volunteering, turning his incredible optimism into an asset to slow the progress of his disease.

Ocean challenges me with his intensity, cracks me up with his humor, and touches me with his deep empathy and raw honesty.

We are always learning from each other. His wonderful public school has initiated and focused my passion for equity and inclusion, which led to learning more about antiracism, trauma, resilience, and accessible yoga.

I now specialize in supporting anxious parents of atypical kids, like me, with the mindfulness, resilience, and self care tools that help me get through the day.

I encourage connection, belonging, and community.

My mission is to hold space for people to nurture themselves. I work to empower parents, and encourage a collective sense of belonging. I’m passionate about advocating alongside atypical and marginalized families. In my role as Ocean’s mama, I continue to learn about advocacy, emotional balance and neurodiversity.

I’m writing a book, ‘Mindfully Parenting Atypical Kids,’ although the pandemic has slowed me down considerably!

Everything that informs my life inspires my writing, parenting and teaching. At one time, my worlds felt separate and I didn’t know how they fit, but now I recognize that one word sums up my intention in all facets: Inclusion.

“Where are the opportunities for me to more deeply accept who my child inherently is, and how can I be kinder to myself as I do the work to become more accepting?”

-Debbie Reber

Thank you for reading. Find me at Healthy Happy Yoga.