Why Do So Many People Think I Am A Bad Parent
Being a parent of someone on the autism spectrum does bring forth some unique challenges. One is always on guard and is always prepared to expect the unexpected. There is always the sense of unpredictability of not knowing what will happen next.
One of the most challenging aspects of autism is meltdowns. Most of the time, they are overwhelming and intense. This is one area of autism that doesn’t have much awareness and is easily misinterpreted.
Most believe that a meltdown is a temper tantrum and that the individual who is having a meltdown is having a fit because they are not getting their way. This is not the case, and it shouldn’t be interpreted as such.
Meltdowns can happen anywhere and are not exclusive to just one place or environment. They can occur in public or at home. When my kids were diagnosed many years ago, they would get overwhelmed in retail stores. There was the perfect storm of all the triggers in a store, such as the numerous people, the long lines, the loud noises, the large section of toys, and the lack of ability to communicate all combined is too much for an autistic child to process.
I can remember taking my two kids into stores, and at times, they would have meltdowns. Sometimes, they would go into a store, lie down on the floor and start screaming. They wouldn’t get up, and they both were struggling. Too much was triggering them at once.
Many people would give me an evil look and stare at my son as if he were some entrainment for their amusement. They felt justified in telling me how to parent.
“You know, discipline does wonders for kids.” They would say to me in disgust.
I replied, “Um, they have autism.”
“Quit making excuses for him! You are a bad parent!” they would say to me, staring at my son with their bullying eyes.
I had to take care of my child, but I wouldn’t have some busybody try to tell me how to parent. It reached the point where I had enough sometimes to let my mouth go unfiltered. One time, I sent someone storming out of the store because I called them out for not being understanding towards a child with a disability.
It got to the point that I avoided taking my two boys into stores so I wouldn’t have to deal with the array of unruly fellow shoppers who felt they could do a better job parenting than me.
Step into my life for about a month and see if you could parent two autistic kids, and then we will talk! Until then, your opinion is not needed, nor is it valid.
Autism is a learning process, and there is a lot of trial and error that comes with it. What works for one on the spectrum might not necessarily work for the other. It cannot be taught in books but through first-hand experience.
It was not easy in those early days; however, throughout the years of intervention programs, therapies, and my working with my two boys, they have made progress in all areas of their lives. Yes, I did eventually start taking them back into retail stores and other places that were at one time triggers.
That is not to say they do not have their moments. They do! They are two teenagers with autism, and it is a lifelong challenge for both of them.
As far as those people who said I was a bad parent, they don’t understand and very likely never will. They live with their agenda and believe in outdated methods of parenting or the desire to go back to the days when kids like mine were institutionalized. They can place their obsolete opinions where the sun doesn’t shine.
While I do review my parenting a lot, and I do not feel I am a bad parent, I think I am challenged and doing everything I can within my power and abilities to provide my two boys with the best life they can have. I might not believe in some of the methods from 60 years ago, but I know what works for them.