PSYCHOLOGY, SELF

Why Do People Love Saying ‘I Am So Busy.’?

This is what they really mean.

I waited for 3 weeks to call my friend, just to see if she would call me. I was the one religiously calling her every week. Each time I called, she would launch into her usual “I am so busy, I have no time.” rant and on she would go about how she didn’t have a spare minute in the day.

So what do you think I am doing here? Just twiddling my thumbs?

It would be easy to just conclude that my friend wasn’t a good friend. But the truth is far from it. She’s been a solid friend for over half my life, one whom I can turn to and count on. If not, I would have stopped calling her long back.

So what’s up with the “ I am so busy.” line? Why do people say it?

They really are busy.

We should give people the benefit of doubt. Life is a rat race after all. They might be really busy. I remember the days when my 3 kids were under the age of 6. I was lucky if I got a bathroom break. Then there were the 3 years when I was working, going to college, and balancing 3 kids at the same time.

If I told you I was busy at those 2 points in my life, it was because I really was.

Their productivity is off the charts.

In the New York Times article titled ‘The Busy Trap’, author, Tim Kreider, noted that the most common response he received to “How are you?” was “Busy.”

It’s true. People almost wear busyness as a badge of honor. When they say they are busy, they are implying that they are super productive, putting every minute of the day to good use and not sitting idle, twiddling their thumbs like me.

But being busy from dusk to dawn doesn’t equate to productivity. I was more productive at work the days I worked shorter hours. The amount of hours you put in doesn’t count. It’s how much you get done in those hours that speaks to your efficiency.

Busyness is something to be proud of.

People love to declare how busy they are. But often it is camouflaged as a complaint to conceal their hidden pride in it. We feel ashamed to say we have free time.

Why?

It would mean we were sloth-like, sluggish, and just lazy. Oh, the shame! Being busy instead conjures up images of a hardworking, driven, high achieving individual. That’s the exact illusion we want others to have of us when we crib about being busy.

It makes us feel good about ourselves. We are important and hence worthy.

We are not high on their priority list.

If we really care about something, we will always make time for it. If it’s important to us, we will automatically give it a priority without any hesitation.

Hearing my friend say she was busy was annoying. But, I realize she has a whole life, a family, stuff to get done, worries, and the need for downtime.

Relative to all what she has going on, I don’t take high priority on her ‘to-do’ list. That’s perfectly okay and not something I can fault her on. It’s her life after all.

It makes an easy excuse, but really, no one believes you.

Many times I opted not to do something or call someone, mainly because I just didn’t want to. I have used the ‘ I am busy.’ line to get out of many a situation in the pre-Covid days.

Me: Sorry, I can’t make it to the PTA bake sale. I’m so busy this week.

PTA mom (in her head): Ya, right, like I’m not ??? Save it sister!

Now, I can’t make that excuse anymore, thanks to Covid-19. My calendar is empty. Got to think of some new excuse!

So in conclusion, the next time you want to humblebrag about how busy you are, stop yourself, because guess what, so is the rest of the world.

You still matter if you don’t have projects lined up from morning to night. Idle time is important. Don’t feel guilty about it. You still are of value even if you are on the couch bingeing on the Real Housewives of ….somewhere.

Even God rested on the 7th day.

I chatted to my friend for some time, teased her about being busier than Octomom, and said ‘Bye’, fully knowing I’d be calling her again in a week.

The next time she gives me the “ I am so busy.” line, I will be gifting her a book on Time Management.

Meanwhile, she must be thinking, “ For Christ’s sake, when will this girl stop calling me?? I hope Tina gets busy.”